Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The pains and urgings of outrageous misfortune
Or to take arms against a sea of liquid
And by opposing ignore them and get a diaper.
I forgot something when I talked about the worst things about pregnancy. Every night about midnight or two or three or four-thirty or if I’m real lucky all of those times, I wake up to pee.
Having the bladder the size of a pee is annoying at the best of times. It means going to the bathroom at almost every place you run an errand. It means having to go at least once, usually twice during the once in a blue moon dinner with your spouse. It means going to the bathroom during movies.
At least there is an upside to day peeing. You know where every bathroom is in every store you visit. You become less concern of germs, but you do wash her hands and spray them with anti-cuties. You learn always to pee before you go, just in case you get stuck in traffic. You become a pro at peeing into a cup.
But the bitch is the middle of the night wake up call. Like you need that. Like you need to wake up from your precious sleep. Sleep that will soon become terribly more precious in a few months when you’re woken up at least once a night or several times a night to feed, change, and sooth a baby. I have to agree with one of my pregnancy books that people who say that this is to prepare the mother to deal with sleepless nights is like saying dieting prepares someone for starvation. And I personally think we should be able to wrap that person on the back of the head. Sure, violence isn’t the answer, but it would make this pregnant mama feel better. Or is that the hormones talking? Or the lack of sleep?
Speaking of lack of sleep, did I ever mention the lack of sleep Evan had as a baby? The kid woke up several times a night to feed, even one horrible night where he fedd EVERY TWO HOURS. Sean slept through the night around the sixth week or so. Yeah, I obviously don’t birth normal babies . . . yet. But I do remember with Sean, I was a happier mama even with a two-year-old trying to boycott naps, still crawling in bed with us, and demanding to have a voice to say no.
Ah, sleep the root of and solution of all life’s problems.
Yes, I am at that point of my life that when asked which would I prefer sex or sleep, I would say hand me the pillow and shut the lights. Because I don’t get to snag a cat nap when I want; I don’t have down time to relax; I have much more to do during the day then I ever had pre-children.
So if you excuse me, I have to go pee.
February 5, 2010 at 11:59 am
Great post. I love your literary sense of humor.
Okay, I don’t know if this was a typo or a deliberate pun, but “having a bladder the size of a pee” made me laugh out loud.
Sorry. Sorry. Unfair for a man to laugh, I know. Although if it’s any consolation, for as long as our children have been alive, it has always been *me* who gets up to tend to the kids when they wake up in the middle of the night. And it’s not always the baby who does that, as you well know. (Last night is the first night in about a week that not a single child woke me up. Too bad my insomnia did that for me at 4:30am….)
When they were nursing, I’d get up, get the kid, and bring the kid to bed for mommy to nurse them. And then I might or might not bring them back to their crib. Increasingly, over time, that became a “not.”
I am always amazed that it’s usually the father who sleeps through all that and the mother who gets up and takes care of the kids. Hmph.
Here’s to a little bit more sleep for you tonight than you’ve been getting… to sleep, perchance to pee….
February 5, 2010 at 2:45 pm
“the bladder the size of a pee” got me too. Was intentional or Freudian?
February 5, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Oh, I am one of those women who know where the bathroom is wherever we go. Always been this way. But it’s really bad when you’re pregnant; how well I remember.
I’m so sorry. But you certainly wrote a clever articulate post about it…..small consolation I’m sure.
February 5, 2010 at 5:32 pm
You need a glass the size of a drink to go with your bladder the size of a pee.
February 5, 2010 at 8:59 pm
What I hate is when I pee…and then a minute later I have “that feeling” and feel like I need to do it again…That was typical in pregnancy for me. It made it so hard to go to sleep at the beginning of the night because it was like I had a wet washcloth for a bladder. I’d wring it out and think I got it all out, but you could always squeeze out a little more. FRUSTRATING!
I also have to wonder if your lack of sleep is having some effect on your “darkness”…Still thinking of you and hoping your mind and body are getting what they need.
February 5, 2010 at 9:17 pm
I can’t believe you’re sleeping. I haven’t slept well since about 20 weeks, and I get up to pee just to quell the boredom.
My first kid didn’t sleep through the night for 3.5 years. he was up every three hours for three years, lady. So my dearest wish for you is that your third is better than that. Cuz if you think you want sleep more than sex now, you’ll want sleep more than food or beverage or silence in a few years if you’re cursed with a non-sleeper.
February 6, 2010 at 9:08 am
“bladder the size of a pee”…too funny, I’ve got one of those and no pregnancy to blame it on!
February 6, 2010 at 10:31 am
Love your way with words – and as I was reading this it was taking me back to my pregnant days. Sleep was so precious. Peeing – such a nuisance.
February 8, 2010 at 1:53 am
I would definitely take sleep over sex, and when we have it, we have really, really good sex. I’d still take sleep. Any day. I’ve got a low-grade fatigue headache almost all the time now.
One thing that I did when I was pregnant and peeing all the time was that I used my frequent trips to the bathroom to help potty train my eldest. When I went, he went — even once at night usually. Of course, I’d be up a few times at night, but I got him up with me every night for a month (just one trip for him) so he’d stop wetting the bed, which he did almost every night the month before I started getting him up at night. He eventually got to the point where I no longer had to get him up. He was able to wake up himself, if needed, and got potty without me. It ended up working out pretty well. I figured I made the most out of an annoying situation. And eldest almost never wets the bed now. Much better than washing sheets every single day!
February 8, 2010 at 8:29 pm
What if you’re in the swimming pool? I know, it’s universal, get out and pee (THE OFT SEEN SIGN: we don’t swim in your toilet, please don’t pee in our pool), but I once got into it with a woman who let her kid pee in the pool.
February 9, 2010 at 2:04 pm
INRIS~ Laugh away. My mom has the smallest bladder in the world, and we make fun of her all the time. My husband does sleep through the nigh shift, or at least pretends he does.
Evenshine~ My father taught me to always let people think you’re a genius, whether you mean to be or not.
Maureen~ I like to think the blog makes me a happier person since I try to find the humorous look at all situations, including the bad or the time I had to use the training potty in the back of the car.
jc~ Yes, I do. Do you happen to know where I can get one?
joz~ I hate the “still have to go” feeling. Yes, I wonder if lack of sleep is part of the problem with the depression. I’m trying to get more.
nap~ Darling, sweetheart, we have the same boy. Only I was silly enough to get pregnant when Evan was still getting up in the middle of the night. You poor thing, I’m putting an urgent note to the Sandman.
suzicate~ My mom is the same way. But at least I know where all the good bathrooms are.
Jane~ No kidding. Hopefully this too is a phase.
FUTQL~ My God, you’re a genius! Now if I could remember that during my sleep-filled brain.
Notes~ Ok, that’s just wrong. That’s why we have water diapers.