Evan: Mommy, my penis is sad.
Me: (As I struggle to get Evan’s underwear on) Why is it sad? (Where is this going? He couldn’t have heard about a happy penis, right?)
Evan: My penis is not happy.
Me: (Deep breath) What would make your penis happy? (I will kill anyone who makes this into a sexual situation or joke.)
Evan: My penis needs a drink of water.
Me: That’s interesting.
Evan: I need to go pee in the potty, and then my penis will drink water.
Me: Um, ok. Do you need to go pee?
Me: Ok, well now that you have underwear on, which shirt do you want to wear the dinosaur one or “I look like Mom, but I act like Dad” one.
Evan: Like Dad.
And so another interesting penis conversation ends. It’s true. They only think about their dicks.