Tale of Two Days

Saturday was awesome.

It started off rough.  At 6am, Aidan was screaming “MOMMY, JUICE!” from the bottom of the stairs over and over.  Each word was pushed into my brain like a knife.  Because I’m a parent, I have learned that I only care about peace, so I marched downstairs, got Aidan his juice out of the fridge, and returned to my bedroom to pop some pain meds and try to sleep a little bit longer.

30 minutes later, my nightmare was interrupted by “MOMMY, ROCKET!” being chanted/yelled at the bottom of the stairs by Aidan.  What the f- is he talking about?  What rocket?  OH!  THAT rocket.

I stomped back down stairs and hunted down the rogue rocket from the night before.  The other two boys gave me a “Hi, Mommy” that only two morning people can give.  I found the rocket and returned upstairs.  I took migraine medicine and went back to bed.  I probably wasn’t going to fall asleep soon.  So I got up.

After texting with a friend for a while and trying to come up with a breakfast idea, I finally decided on French toast.  Because we had homemade cinnamon bread and old hot dog buns.  And because it was May Fourth and I own Star Wars inspired sandwich cutters.  So I made two X-Wing Star Fighter and a Tie Fighter.

About this time, I realized that I have to break my no-caffiene-before-lunch rule.  I cracked open an energy drink.  I wondered if I’m going to die from horrible disease caused by caffeine.  But let me quote my baby brother.  “We’re all going to die from cancer any ways.  We might as well live a little.  (as in: “Mom is going to kill you when she finds out you’re still nuking stuff in butter tubs.”  “Fae, we’re all going to die from cancer in any ways; we might as well live a little; I’m dangerous like that.”  Good point.  Why don’t I just throw out my sunscreen and hats?)

The boys had already decided they wanted to go to Lego Club instead of the zoo.  I had a carrot to get them to move and get dressed and get chores done.  Never over look a carrot!  We had two hours, which means nothing at all with my boys.  But for normal people, that is plenty of time to get dressed and do a few chores.  Given the options, the boys chose getting ready for the day first.

I decided it was a picture day, which means I take random pictures of things throughout the day and send them to annoy a special person.  Like “This is breakfast!”  “Yes, I’m drinking an energy drink at 8am!”  “Look; I’m out of vanilla.”  “This is the underwear I’m going to wear.”  Scratch that.  I don’t think I sent that one.

The boys got dressed and did their chores.  Mostly.  We had to clean up the family room for Evan to vacuum the rugs.  I was able to get dressed and exercise.  We made it to Lego Club 5 minutes late, which is fine because it lasts 90 minutes, but that also means I wasn’t able to find out the price of plastic kiddie pools at the hardware store.

Lego Club was great.  I took tons of pictures of the boys building things and posted them on Facebook.  Aidan got bored and took tons of pictures of me, which I did not post on Facebook.  Near the end, Evan and Sean teamed up with two other boys to compete with another group of four boys to build the tallest tower with those huge toddler Legos.  It was awesome to watch them work as teams.  When Lego Club ended, the teams knocked over their towers and raced to help clean up. 

Before we left the library, we checked out Sean’s art piece from school and looked at a few books.  We left with Lego books and a bunch of books of mythology and fairy tales.  Evan was disappointed that all the Viking mythology books were checked out.

We met my parents and the Friendly Giant for lunch at a new burger joint.  Burgers and custard for everyone.  Then Aidan fell asleep on the way home.

Then it was homework time.  After a little bit of whining and complaining, Evan listened to me explain the importance of an introductory paragraph and a conclusion paragraph.  We worked together on it after I told him, “No, I’m not doing it for you; I’ve already written several state reports when I was a kid.”  Sean sat down and did his homework, insisting that drawing a dragon for his favorite character was what his teachers wanted.  “Draw something that lives on Earth.”  “They do live on Earth.”  “Draw something that is in a zoo.”  “Some zoos have dragons.  Mommy, dragons are real.”  Fine.  He has the rest of his life to not believe in dragons.  Not that I stopped.  So I asked him to draw his second favorite animal, which was a king cobra.  Then he worked on his teacher appreciation gifts.

By the time Aidan was awake, homework was done, and we got ready to go to my parents’ house to go swimming.  Only I forgot this was the first swim of the year, so the bag wasn’t packed with swimsuits, sunscreen, and other random, needful things.  The boys were excited to wear their new bathing suits, and I learned that Aidan’s hand-me-down was just not going to work.  As soon as the cover was off, the boys were in, and I climbed in after them- and dear god, it’s cold.  Maybe more like too cool.  But still colder than I thought I would be.  After suffering for five minutes, I decided to f- it and dove in to swim a few laps to get warm.  God, I missed swimming.

The Friendly Giant showed back up.  It’s always a great day when my baby brother shows up to go swimming with the boys.  He’s a giant play ground and diving board and water fountain all rolled into one.  I did kick the boys out when their lips turned blue and they began to chatter.  “I’mmmmm no-no-not c-c-c-cold.”  Right.  As my dad pointed out, “Look at naked Aidan; he’s got blue balls.”  And the crowd boo-ed.

Then I decided to be an amazingly awesome mom in the eyes of the boys.  We picked up McDonald’s and had a picnic lunch watching Star Wars: New Hope.  Because it was May 4th.  Because Sean said, “We should watch the fourth one because it’s May fourth.  Fourth.  Get it?”

We ended the day with bedtime and a small bedtime rebellion.  And it was awesome.

Unlike Sunday.

When my hair was a chaotic mess from swimming the day before.  WhenI got us to church 15 minutes early.  When I learned I lost my wallet when I went to pay for our food at the bakery.  When I was so super glad my wallet was back at church under the pew.  When that whole bakery-tear apart purse and car-drive to the church- go back to the bakery fiasco took WAY TOO LONG.  When I left the boys to their own devices for 30 minutes, giving them enough time to dump out ALL OF THE LEGOS and ALL OF THE IMAGINATRIX toys and a large container of toys.  When I withheld lunch because they refused to clean.  When it took 45 minutes to clean up the mess.  When I argued with Evan because he refused to finish his chose.  When my brilliant mother’s day gift idea failed miserably.  When I had tons of salt dough and no idea what to do with it.  When Sean argued, whined, and complained about doing homework.  When Evan took all damn afternoon to copy his state report in nice handwriting without grammar and spelling errors.  When we were running late due to the report so I decided to make Evan take it to my parents’ house.  When I learned Evan didn’t grab any blank paper.  When I had to run home for blank paper.  When I had to clean up the car from the tearing apart earlier.  When I couldn’t figure out a dinner menu.  When we stayed slightly too late at my parents’ house.  When the boys tried to refuse a bath.  When they decided to drench the bathroom.  When they decided they wanted to go to bed naked.  When the older boys wrestled and messed with each other instead of going to bed.  When Aidan had to keep getting out of bed to get books for an hour.  When poor Evan woke up with diarrhea and announced he had a poop accident in the bathroom.  When I realized I was out of bread.  When I was no longer manic and was tired and wanted to go to bed but I had homework and housework to do.

Sunday was less than awesome.

Those are my singing boys

The other Sunday was Children’s Day at the Lutheran preschool/kindergarten Sean goes to.  Like a good family, we went because Sean was singing and it’s a lot of fun after the service with snacks, crafts, and a bounce house.  If more churches had bounce houses after services, more people would go.

It was a nice service.  The children came in singing.  We were smooshed because Evan refused to sit further away from me, and then we didn’t have enough room for Sean when he came.  Aidan sat in the aisle looking through books.  I wanted tell the new parents, across the aisle, with the babbling baby that it was ok.  She was quite the talker.  But the best part came half way through the services when the congregation had to sing “Jesus Loves Me.”

Evan and Sean belted out the song.  It was the first time I had ever heard them sing together.  I was filled with gratitude and love.  I began to cry a little. 

I cried because I was so lucky to raise these boys.  I’m lucky to see them every day and be with them.  I get to hear about their days and thoughts.  I get to watch them grow and do amazing things.  I get to see them try new things and do silly things.  I get to read them bedtime stories and tuck them in at night.  I get to know them and help shape them into the good guys.  I cried because I know one day I’ll have to share custody and I won’t see them every day.  I will miss them when they aren’t being loud and funny and annoying.  My house will be quiet and empty.  As tough as it is to have the boys 24/7, to always be on the clock, they are my boys, and I prefer them with me.

The boys sang every word at the top of their lungs.  Every tear I tried to wipe away secretly.  Only it turned out the boys were louder than anyone else in the church, so people were looking around for them and would smile at the boys.  And of course, they saw me crying.  Also a little blonde toddler jumping up and down next to his brothers.

Since everyone saw me cry, several woman, walking down the aisle for communion, squeezed my shoulder and asked if I was all right.  After church, several women came up to me after church and asked me how I was and told me how wonderful my boys were.  One of my friends came up to me and asked, “Were you crying because it was so funny or because you were sad?”  Honestly, both.  She gave me a hug and said, “I wanted to go over and do this since the song.”

I’m so lucky to be the mother of these smart, funny, crazy, silly guys.  Even with the nagging, yelling, scolding, eye rolling, heaven-help-me’s, stomping, growling, yanking, are-you-kidding-me’s.  They’re my boys.  And I love them.

Now I’m off to nag them back to homework and give them hugs.

Recap 5/3

1. As frightened of a summer of possible parent-detention all day as I am, I’m looking forward to getting out from under the burden of homework.  And then studying for my . . teaching . . test . . in June . . . .  Damnit.

2. We went to the county fair last weekend, and Aidan insisted on walking.  We enjoyed a very scenic pace.  He loved the ride of little cars.  I’m sad I didn’t get in cotton candy.

3. Teacher appreciation gifts.  Glitter magnets and a plastic cup with a lid filled with single-serve drink packets.  We are awesome.

4. I adore the dollar store.  Craft stuff for the kids.  Cleaning stuff.  Toothbrushes.  Cheap kitchen supplies for experiments and play.  And random other stuff.  Like a solar panel hula doll.  Yes, a solar panel hula doll!

5. While making the glitter magnets, Evan knocked over a tube of pink glitter.  There is glitter all over the house.  It’s craft herpes.

6. I went on a field trip with Sean’s class to the used-bookstore.  I learned that I do NOT fit in with those mothers At. ALL.  But the store was awesome, and we all got $10 to spend on books, and I found a mint-condition She-Ra book!  Sean came home with as many Star Wars and superhero books he could find and afford.

7. I’ve been manic all week.

8. Evan had a concert today.  He had to keep waving and calling me and smiling at me until they started singing.  Then he sang the whole time.  Though the kid cannot stomp or clap a beat.  So sad.

9. During my walk with my mom, she said she was glad that I walked with her in the morning.  Especially because I’m “not as negative” as my grandma.  And I shouldn’t worry about being codependent on my kids because I’m too busy with having three of them.  And yes, I kept my mouth shut and the smirk off my face.

10. This weekend.  There’s Lego Club and May 4th.  We need to do teacher’s gifts and mother’s day gifts and homework and chores and Evan has a state report to finish and then my usual craziness.  And the pool should be ready and ice cream to make and restaurants to visit and maybe stores to shop at.  I don’t know.  So much to do, can do, would like to do, have to.  I hope to balance it all.

The 5. About that.  Writing hasn’t happened much, and the stories are yelling at me.  Reading hasn’t happened much, and I really miss my friends.  Apples are washed in a bowl on the counter uneaten.  But hey, I did crafts and excercise.  Ok, back to working on a reminder.

The Church Match

It’s pre-summer here, and the days are starting earlier, so the boys are starting earlier, which means, hell, if we’re up, we might as well go to church. 

Round 1

So the other day I leaned over the rail and called to Evan.

Me: Go get dressed!  We’re going to church!

Evan: If we’re going to church, I’m going to wear this!

He spread out his arms, so that I could feast my eyes on his outfit.  A blue hooded-towel to resemble a penguin and black pajama pants with skulls and crossbones.  I cocked an eyebrow.  Pssht.

Me: That’s fine!  God doesn’t care what you wear!  Do you care?

I turned and walked into my room to finish getting ready.  I heard someone stomping up the stairs.

Round 1: Winner: Fae!

Round 2

I placed a plate with biscuits and a glass of milk on the table in front of each boy.  I drank my shake.

Evan took a bite of biscuit, lost in thought.  Then he leaned forward on his elbows.

Evan: Mommy.  You know I don’t believe in the same things you do.

I cocked an eyebrow.

Me: That’s fine.  As long as you made a thoughtful decision, that’s perfectly fine. 

Evan: I may not be Catholic.

Me: And that’s ok.  We all need to question our faith to find our path.  “The opposite of faith is not doubt.”  It is good to doubt and question.  But you’re still going to church.

Evan sat back in his rear and ate his biscuit.

Point.  Game.  Set.  And match.

Round 2: Winner: Fae!

Until next Sunday.  Or until I make him do stuff for religious class.  Or until I make him do Cub Scout stuff.  Or homework.

Recap 4/26

1. My body has betrayed me.  It won’t let me do a week of really late nights without taking something in return.  It’s made me nap.

2. I’ve been buried under homework to cause those late nights.  These projects are much more complex than they look.  Sure, make a tech supply list for 20k.  Make a list of websites you can give your students to use.  Make a lesson plan.  This is complex stuff, people!

3. Aidan is coming up and asking me to change his diaper.  Yeah, I know, dude.  I wish I could train you on the week days too.

4. Evan got “Most Improved” student.  Apparently he’s saving all his attitude for me.  I’m special.

5. I got to sneak out and get a hair cut.  I love my girl and confessed that I forget to get a haircut until I desperately need one.  “You just think of your three babies first!  That just means you’re a good mom!”  See?  Love her.

6. Did I mention the midnight to 3:30 insomnia bout brought to me by Aidan the other night?

7. My mom got a tatoo.  She got her ears pierced a second time before me.  She dyed her hair a wild color before me.  She got a tatoo before me.  My mom isn’t suppose to be cooler than me.  At least not rebelloious-cool like that.

8. Yesterday Sean informed me that he has 19 more days of school left.  He seemed very happy over this.  I was trying to keep from panicking.

9. We are growing tomatoes, basil, strawberries (Aidan’s plant), watermelon (Sean’s plant), and garlic.  And a sacculus (Evan’s plant).  I don’t think the garlic is going to make it.

10. I’m in search for teacher’s craft-gifts and mother’s day craft-gifts.  I would naturally assume I would already have a good idea.  I do not.

The 5: It has not been a good week for the 5.  Other than exercising everything else has fallen by the wayside.  Oh so sad.  But it means I’m not balanced.  My energies are on what needs to be done like parenting, housework, and schoolwork.  This isn’t balanced.  This isn’t taking care of myself.  So, now I need to figure out what I need to do to get most of the 5 done every day.

Recap 4/19

1. The first half of the week, I was buried under schoolwork.  The second half, housework.  There were also doctor appointments and such in between.  Seriously let’s all understand the difference of saying you need to build a newsletter versus a website for homework.

2. Saturday night the boys and I had a pizza-and-movie night.  Fried mozzarella sticks, pizza, (salad for me because my children are heathens), and ice cream drumsticks.  And then Brave.  It was a good night.

3. Last Sunday we did the park and built wooden boats.  And they actually floated!

4. Lesson: Do not do baking-soda-and-vinegar experiments on grass if you like green grass.

5. Sean got to be leader this week.  So I got to go have lunch with him.  Then Sean and his classmates convinced me to stay for recess.  And it was awesome.

6. The minute we walked into the doctor’s office, Aidan started crying.  PTSD from having a double ear ache the year before.  You would think he would have forgotten.

7. Do you have that month that everything goes right with money?  Things you need are all on sale.  Things you want are all on sale.  Mistakes are made on the other end, and people hand you money.  I am not having one of those months.  Quite the opposite.

8. Evan had to wear a purple shirt today for school because . . . I’m not sure why the principal asked.  We found one purple shirt of mine that didn’t have flowers or was girly purple.  One.

9. “Well, if this is old and out of style and most your other clothes in your closet are too and too small, Mommy, why do you keep them?”  Because if I threw out all my clothes that are terribly out of date or do not fit, I would have no clothes and would cry at the realization of how much I have to buy to have a work wardrobe again.  It’s what we call a psychological crutch.

10. Wish me luck, I’m teaching Evan to grill tonight.

The 5. So do to homework and housework and other random afternoon activities, writing, reading blogs, and doing something creative took a backseat.  Unless you count designing a newsletter and a website as creative.  I”m getting better on the apples.  And the exercise-crap, I’ve gotta go.

I’m Batman

I got Aidan a Batman shirt for his birthday.  Because if you can be Batman, you should always be Batman.

And of course, if you buy your kid a Batman shirt, especially a cute little toddler, then you have to teach him to say, “I’m Batman.”  Especially if you’re a nerd.  (Or go to their site because they have stuff that is so funny you’ll cry or snort out soda out your nose.  Then you can email me, and we can talk about our favorite videos.  It’ll be fun.)

So through the day, I would say, “Aidan, say ‘I’m Batman.’”  And Aidan would say “I’m Batman!”  It was adorable.

Until Evan manipulated it.

Evan: Aidan!  Aidan!  Tell Mommy where you want to go for dinner?!

Aidan: Batman want McDonald’s!

Um, yeah.  About manipulation.

Me: No McDonald’s.

Evan: But Mom-myyyyy!  You said anywhere he wanted.

Me: Anywhere HE wanted but NOT McDonald’s.

Aidan: Batman wants McDonald’s!

But then Aidan took control.

Aidan: Batman wants to go home!

Aidan: Batman play cars!

Aidan: Batman tired!

Aidan: Batman pooped!

I no longer can tell if this is cute or not.

Recap 4/12

1. I’m really excited the ex is out of town for the weekend, which means I get the kids to myself without him.  Let the fun begin.  Except for I’m buried in homework.  And housework.  And probably yardwork.  But after that….

2. Remember how I make Sean draw every day to strengthen his fine motor skills and practice drawing?  He drew me an invisible castle.  Well played, Sean.  Well played.

3. Aidan had insomnia several nights.  One night it was 6 hours.  At least he’ll sit still and listen to one album.  Just one.  I heart that album.  I heart the person who made it.

4. Evan’s class did a store to learn about money and economics.  Parents donated “used” happy meal toys.  I gave a dozen unopen ones that I stashed.  Evan brought home an 18 in action figure that’s suppose to fall apart on purpose and on accident.  Well played, unknown mom.  Well played.

5. Organizing kick.  I bought a clear plastic over the door shoe organizer to keep my nail polish in.  I have WAY more than 30 polishes.

6. Sean explained to his father that he (the ex, the boys’ father) would die first because he was the oldest, but that it was ok because he would go to a better place.  ”Or Hell.  You could go to Hell,” added Evan.  Though unintentional.  Well played, Evan.  Well played.

7. Let the people rejoice.  My mom admitted that I was made differently from her and therefore wouldn’t look good to be the size she wanted to be as well as wanted me to be.  Damn, I should’ve recorded that.

8. Organizing kick.  I started to organize the random shelf in the pantry.  I found a random stash of chocolate.  Who played that well?  Pinterest with manipulative, seductive suggestions or the Brownies in my house that obviously hid it there so I would get excited and want to organize more to find more chocolate.  Well played.

9. My textbook is trying to convince readers that this new generation is so different and snow-flake-special that we’re changing our teaching ways for them.  Like how these kids need fun, relevant education.  Or how they need fantasy-based learning.  Let’s take a moment to acknowledge Oregon Trail and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?  Thanks.  Also add your own….

10. My best ideas ever.  Fire pit, which allows us to have s’mores any time we want.  And the unbelievable crack snack of apple-strawberry salsa with cinnamon and sugar tortilla chips.  I ate a pound of strawberries.  Plus other fruits.  Mmmm.  Well played, indeed.

The 5.  Yea me!  Three days of hitting the 5!  Three days of only doing 1.  Yeah, about that; I’ll do better.  I learned running up and down stairs chills me out when I’m angry.  Eating something crunchy does not, but at least I ate an apple.  Now back to parenting.  Or cleaning.  Or studying.  Or really, back to parenting.  They’re too quiet.

Raising Feminist Nerds

I have a picture I printed off Pinterest taped near my computer.  (Since I have no idea what I’m doing, I can’t show you.)  Can you guess which part of the comic I have on my wall.  It’s Mulan and Eowyn high fiving.

Evan: MOMMY!  I know why you have that picture taped on your wall!

Me: What picture?

Evan: The Lord of the Rings one!

Me: Why’s that?

Evan: Because you like Mulan and Lord of the Rings.

Me: Yes.  Do you want to know what the picture is about?

Evan: Uh-huh.

Me: Well, you know what Mulan is about.  Eowyn did the same sort of thing.  She snuck into the army and saved the day.  Do you want to hear the story?

Evan: Yes!

Me: Well the forces of Sauron were attacking Gondor.  And Aragon convinced the men of Rohan to go to the defense of Gondor.  So off they went riding horses to battle.  For Glory!  (I raised my hand in salute.)  But Eowyn was to be left behind because they didn’t let girls fight battles.  And she was sad and scared.  She didn’t want the people she loved to be killed in battle.  She didn’t want to be left behind, locked in a cage, waiting for something to happen, instead of going out and having adventures.  So the horseriders of Rohan rode and joined battle with Gondor to defeat Sauron.

The boys stood there, staring at me, savoring every word.

Me: And things weren’t going well for Gondor.  Not only were there so many, many orcs.  But they had The Witch King who rode the horrible Nazgûl.  It was a fierce and ugly monster, looking like a black dragon with a long neck.  The Nazgûl’s screams sent fear in the soldiers.  No one could stand against the Witch King.  The fighting was fierce, and the king of Rohan found himself face to face with the Witch King.  And he fought bravely, but the Witch King defeated him.  But before the Witch King could kill the king, another soldier attacked.  One of Rohan’s men.

Evan was jumping up and down.  Sean’s eyes were big.

Me: The warrior and the Witch King fought.  They swung their swords, slashing and crashing.  (I mimicked sword play.)  Soldiers and orcs stopped to watch.  No other warrior had fought the Witch King this long.  The warrior sliced off the head of the Nazgûl and defeated the Witch King.  The warrior thrusted in under the Witch King’s guard.  As the Witch King laid on the ground, dying, he whispered, “No man born of woman can defeat me.”  The warrior removed his helmet, and it was Eowyn.  She said, “I am no man.”  She killed the Witch King and saved the day because if he hadn’t died, Gondor would not have stood.

I paused.

Me: What do you think?

Evan: The girls must have been so excited that it was Eowyn.

Me: The girls AND boys were excited that Eowyn defeated the Witch King.  She was awesome.  There are lots of awesome stories about girls.

Evan: Like Brave?!

Me: Yup.  When I was a little girl, there weren’t so many stories about awesome girls.  I didn’t like the princess movies.  Even now they make more exciting books about boys than girls.  I just read a writer asking a publisher, a guy who makes books, why there were still more books about boys than girls.  And the publisher said girls are boring.  Can you believe that?

Evan: That’s dumb.

Me: Yup.  That’s why I want to get you books about girls AND boys having exciting adventures.  If you read only about one, you’ll miss all kinds of stories about the other.

Sean: Princess Leia is awesome!  She fights!

Me: Yup.  She’s awesome.

Parenting.  Teaching my boys that girls are just as good as boys.  And training them to be nerds.

Bunnies! Hot Rod Flames!

We don’t have satellite.  But my parents do.  It might be the real reason my boys like going over there so much.  Add to that I release most of the TV control to my dad, and the boys are in a second heaven.  Cartoons!  On Nickelodeon!  So now they have a taste of  non-pre-approved cartoons.  God, Grandma’s and Papi’s house is awesome.

Sometime ago the boys watched Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends.  I kinda liked it.  And the boys and I really liked this scene.

Then it was Pinewood Derby time, and Evan had to design and paint his car.

As we discussed the car’s paint job, I said, “You could do hot rod flames.”

Evan: Hot rod flames!

Me: Bunnies!

Evan: No, hot rod flames, Mommy!   Not bunnies!

Me: Bunnies!

Then Evan got it.

Evan: Hot rod flames!

Me: Bunnies!

Evan: Hot rod flames!

Me: Bunnies!

Evan: HOT ROD FLAMES!

Me: Bunnies!

Evan started laughing.

Me: Well, at least the bunnies are on fire.  (pause)  No, we really should do bunnies on fire!

Evan: Mooooommmmmyyyyyyy.  (Rolled eyes)

Me: I’m going to do it to the Sequoia.  Oh, yes.

Evan rolled his eyes.

Dude, I’m so excited that Evan can play these games with me.  Wait until I tell of the time that my college best friend and I quoted Simpson lines from Orange, CA to Las Vegas.  That was at least 4 hours with traffic.  The poor girl who went with us must have wanted to jump out of the car.