It’s a Chocolate Day

It’s a chocolate day.

Evan is in the why phase, which is another post.

It’s a chocolate day.

Sean threw five temper tantrums.

It’s a chocolate day.

It was a 5:30 am wake-up call.  AGAIN.

It’s a chocolate day.

It’s a no-breakfast day, but I’m soooooo HUNGRY at 9:00 am day.  Really?  Because I just threw out your pancakes.

It’s a chocolate day.

It’s a boycott of lunch as well.  Because who wants peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when they can whine for something else with the hope Mommy just might give in to the torture and pull out better food because it can happen one day.

I want chocolate.

It’s an early naptime because everyone is whiney, tantrumy, and sleepy, especially Mommy.  But no, the I’m-almost-four boy decided to boycott naps, even though he’s been up since 5:30.

It’s a chocolate caffeine day.

Although we have an arsenal that includes half a dozen swords and four light sabers, they must have the same damn sword.

It’s a chocolate day.

All the kid DVDs are strewn across the family room; all the pirate treasure is strewn across the family room.  All the cars are out, so is every toy from the random-too-big-to-be-in-the-bucket-shelves-and-can’t-fit-under-the-train-table box.  Now they want Legos.

I want some chocolate.

They want candy.  They want fruit snacks.  They want fruit roll ups.  They want candy.  They want cookies.  They want candy.  They want fruit snacks.  But the sandwiches are still on their plates.

I want chocolate.

It took almost forty-five minutes to clean the pirate treasure with the nag, “pick it up now!” over and over.

It’s a chocolate day.

I sounded like my mom as I demanded to know “how many times I had to say . . . .”

Oh, God, I need chocolate. 

Thank God that I don’t have a smart mouth teenager that answered fifty. 

I think my mom deserves chocolate too.

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I’ll give you controversy

Well, I did it again.  I dipped my toe in some controversy and pulled out a hate comment.  So Court, I do get them.  I got it on my post on why The Jump Arounds are so hateful.

Come On!  I’ve written way more controversial stuff than The Jump Arounds make me feel like I’m losing IQ points.  Actually I’ve said more controversial stuff like President Bush makes me feel like I’m losing IQ points every time I hear him speak.  That was right after 9-11.  That would be controversial.

Or the time I was forced to go to another Newman Mass at a local state school in the interest of building bridges between Newman Fellowships.  That would be two masses in one evening; thank you, Father.  As I sat there after the mass, at a long table with eight other Catholics, I blew their minds when I mentioned I was also the Roman Catholic representative at my school’s Interfaith Committee Meetings.  Then I shocked them more by telling them that we had witches ,and (gasp) they were really cool and (gasp), they were allowed to participate in the Interfaith Committee Meetings.  Well, no, I didn’t feel like I should boycott the meetings.  They would have had brain hemorrhages if I actually told them that I had gone to several rituals and that the coven liked me so much I had an open invitation to come to any close rituals or parties.  Since I gave my promise to be on my best behavior because I-don’t-want-to-be-excommunicated-again-do-you-really-have-that-authority, I kept my mouth shut over how offended I was that the Catholics had taken over this state school’s interfaith chapel, decorating it only with Catholic propaganda and that these students had divided themselves into four neatly separate groups based on their race.  Excuse me, guys, but religion has nothing to do with race, especially since you all are power-fighting in a religion my family was in centuries before said religion sent missionaries on that embarrassing sword and cross conversion to your families’ countries.  See that is controversial.

Or there was the time when Planned Parenthood had come to our college, playing music, trying to educate people on safer sex.  The guy was desperately trying to get someone to admit to the whole cafeteria that (s)he was having safe sex to get this nifty hat.  After a while, the desperation got to me, and I stood up and yelled out that I did.  The guy was so excited, and I got this really nice Trojans hat (great to wear when I’m pregnant).  As I returned to my table, dancing, wearing my new hat, a friend asked who I was secretly dating as I was happily single.  I shrugged and answered, “Abstinence is safe sex.  Besides I wonder what would happen if I yelled out I needed to get laid.”  At that point, I was thrown to my chair and begged not to do anything stupid.  That could be controversial.

I’ve written more controversial stuff.  Remember the other week when I called home schooling moms crazy? Or when I ranted on Shakespeare.   Or when I way back when said to be a good mom you had to be a feminist.  Actually I was shocked on that one too. 

I can get more controversial.  I was the maid of honor at a lesbian wedding.  I went to protests on the FTAA.  I once told my mentor, a pastor, that men were only good for physical pleasure and nothing else and I meant it.  I shoplifted in Disneyland.  I’m pro-choice.  I’ve tithed at my Roman Catholic Church the same week I donated to Planned Parenthood.  I voted for Ralph Nadar in the 2000 election.  I believe in gun control and parenting classes for everyone.  I’ve spanked my kids once or twice.  I do not believe God hates any one.  I actually own a shirt that says “God’s a girl and She’s cute” because we have to have a sense of humor in religion.  I have vehemently argued against and for the death penalty.  I’ve defended vegetarianism, and I once got into a long argument with a militant vegetarian because I wouldn’t convert even after reading her precious book. 

So there.  If you want controversy, there it is.  But let’s not waste our time over what TV shows we like or let our children watch.  Honestly, you think I was Evenshine or something.

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