Penises

One last post before I forget.

As I am in the midst of potty training a boy, I have to come up with new rules.  Because potty training involves lots of nakedness in the beginning, I have rules about penises.  Ah, to be a mother of boys.

Rule number 1: You may play with your penis ONLY when you are alone and in your bedroom.  (Yes, this is actually a very hard rule for boys to get.  The penis is there; it’s fun; it feels good.  Now we know why men are obsessed with penises.  As not to pave the way for weird guilt later in life, I just calmly tell Tornado E not to play with his penis until he’s alone and in his room.  My friend, who has only had girls, blushes every time I repeat the rule, which was often in the first months of potty training.  I wonder what she’ll think of the next rule.)

Rule number 2: You may only touch your penis.  No one else’s.  (I have two boys.  Penises are fascinating.  Especially to Tornado S.  I gently take his hand away {or preferably stop it} and tell him the rule.  My baby brother pointed out that I can’t break the rule either.  Well, that’ll make getting pregnant again interesting.)

Rule number 3: You may not go out front naked.  (This is the newest rule.  The most difficult to enforce actually because Tornado E likes to be naked and he sneaks out behind the front door.  But I do my best not to raise an exhibitionist.  I hope I’m not too late.)

But the reason I started talking about penises is really to tell you a story of what happened at my parents’ house.  Tornado E needed to go the bathroom.  NOW!  But Uncle Matt was showering.  While my mom never allowed shame in the household (my little brother and I were naked kids and shared a room and baths together in our early years), my baby brother was always very modest.  So my mom opened the bathroom door, shouted what Tornado E was doing, and pushed Tornado E into the bathroom.  Now Tornado E LOVES his Uncle M, so he was just pleased as punch to sit on the potty talking to Uncle M.  My brother got out of the shower and started drying off.

Tornado E: Uncle M, you have penis!

Uncle M: (As a modest guy, I can only imagine him taking a deep breath and saying) Yes, all boys have penises.

Tornado E: Daddy has a penis.  Tornado S has a penis, too.

Uncle M: Yes, all boys have penises.

Tornado E: But you have a big, fat penis!  (Uncle M is 6 foot 5.)

Uncle M: Yes.

Tornado E: I have a little penis.  But it’ll get bigger!

After he was dressed, my brother asked me what I was teaching the boys and told me the story.

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4 Responses to “Penises”

  1. Tony Says:

    Very interesting post….

  2. badmommymoments Says:

    my first daughter was also very fascinated with herself when we potty trained her. one day while on the potty, she listed everyone in our house with “gy-nies.” (her name for it, not mine.) me, her, our dog. then she pondered for a minute and confided that her daddy did not have a gy-nie. he had a tail.

  3. faemom Says:

    That’s awesome. Kids are hilarious!

  4. The Second Penis Rule « Faemom’s Says:

    […] by faemom on November 17, 2008 So Evan is willfully breaking penis rule number 2.  If I had it in writing somewhere and he could actually read, I would point to it over […]


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