Yes, potty training has it’s ups and downs and many, many hilarious moments. As a mother of boys, the penis has several fun tricks for boys to learn. I wonder how potty training is for girls. I am amazed. A-mazed by how often that little tiny organ gets so exciting.
As I wrote yesterday, we have a new penis rule. Rule #4 do not show your penis out in public. Maybe I should revise that and say don’t show it to any one. The other day as the boys and I ate dinner (my husband often comes home too late for the “starving” boys to eat), Tornado E pulled down his underwear to see his penis. Yes, it’s still there. Keep eating. He was surprised by the penis’s new trick. “Look, Mommy! It’s standing!” Yes, that’s what penises can do. Please pull your underwear up and finish your mac and cheese. I wonder how much easier it would be to have girls.
Yesterday we were cooking dinner, and the boys were running around, being pirate-explorers, looking through binoculars and spy-glasses. My husband was grilling outside as I made the sides outside. My best friend was keeping an eye on the boys, when Tornado E yelled with glee, “I went pee outside!” We are looking at rule number five, aren’t we? Because this was the second time that day. My best friend and my husband congratulated Tornado E. I came out and explained to Tornado E how he couldn’t get candy if he peed outside. He was just too proud of his accomplishment to care. Hmm. I think that was a sign. A minute late my best friend asked me to come outside again. She pointed to a large circle made with wet concrete that had a diameter of four feet, and the wet line making the circle was four inches thick.
BF: What do you think that is?
I looked around to see if any squirt guns or hose or anything that made water was around. I shrugged.
Me: I don’t know. (pause, thinking). Oh God. That can’t be pee. There’s too much!
BF: That’s what I was thinking. But it can’t be anything else.
Me: No. Hey, can you come over here?
My husband left the grilling hot dogs, making sure the boys were on the other side of the yard.
Me: Do you know what made that? (I pointed to the circle)
Husband: No. The hose?
BF: Tornado E! Can you come over here?
Me: Please. (aside) We have to remember to use our manners to set examples.
BF: right. Tornado E, can you please come here? (Tornado E was already there. She bent down to be eye level.) Tornado E, were did you pee? Can you show me?
Tornado E: (turned in a circle) Right there! I ran around! I made a circle!
Great! My son has already learned how to make shapes with his pee. That’s awesome. If he knew how to write his name, he would have done that. Wait. That might be a great way to teach him!
Or not. It’s just a thought.
This morning my husband related to me about Tornado S’s peeing adventure. As he watched the boys by himself, my husband was playing with Tornado E, building a Lego tower, while Tornado S played with the police cars. My husband looked up to see Tornado S had silently wandered away from the family room. My husband called for Tornado S. Out of the bathroom came a smiling Tornado S. Without his diaper. My husband smiled and grabbed him, asking Tornado S were his diaper was. That’s when my husband noticed the bottom of Tornado S’s shirt was wet. He raced into the bathroom to find the diaper laying on the floor. Right next to a giant puddle of pee. My husband was completely horrified. Welcome to parenthood, baby!
So there you have it one peeing adventure after another. Honestly I should have known they were going to turn out like boys. As I remember it, my brothers and cousins were always using potty humor. And now Tornado E is too. The word “poop” makes him giggle. I’m raising honest-to-God, authentic boys. Before you know it, they’ll be able to burp their names. Tornado E already pretends to burp because he can’t figure out how to force out a burp. I remain calm and just remind him to say excuse me, which he usually does. But he and Tornado S are ALL boy. God help me!