A New Talent: Nothing

As I walked down the hall, pass the bathroom, I noticed Evan was hiding behind the toilet.  Well, that’s odd.

Me: What are you doing?

Evan: Nu-thing!

Right.  And I’m the Queen of England. 

You said nothing just right with the “ing” a couple octaves higher “noth.”  As though just plain “nothing” wasn’t enough to give away your secret plot.

So I stopped and scrutinized the situation, spotting the toothbrush and the toothpaste.

Me: What’s in your hand?

Evan: Nothing.

Let me give you a few pointers.  Never say nothing.  It gives you away.  You might as well say, “Hey, Mommy, I’m lying to you.

Me: Let me see your hand.

Evan: I don’t have anything.

Obviously you have something in your hand.  Ditch it.  Quickly.  Soundlessly.  Or begin making up a lie to cover why you are about you suck toothpaste out of the tube.

Me: Let me see it.

While silence may look better than saying a lie, it also gives you away, especially if you pause before you state your lie.  Don’t worry, many people have this tale.

Me: Evan, give me the toothpaste.

Evan: But Mommy, I was going to brush my teeth.

Now that was a great lie, but it was too late.  I already know you’re up to no good.  It’s best to confess and throw yourself on the mercy of the court.

Me: Evan.  Hand me the toothpaste.  You brushed your teeth already.

Good job.  You realized by the tone you better just hand over the toothpaste.  But since you lied, it’s time out for you, and it’s extra time for lying because I need to trust you just like you have to trust me.

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Oh, and kid, you have another tale, but I’m not fool enough to tell you.

9 Responses to “A New Talent: Nothing”

  1. Lindsey Says:

    My daughter always replies “I’m busy”, because she hasn’t really figured out lying yet but knows better than to be completely honest. I keep reminding myself that remembering these moments will be funny someday. Right? It will be? Please God?

  2. insider53 Says:

    As I have said in the past Evan is going to keep you on your toes, ha ha ha. Yes Lindsey it will be funny….. someday far far away.

  3. Evenshine Says:

    I get the “no-thing”, same intonation, as well. Always a red flag.

  4. Gibby Says:

    I wonder where kids learn to say “noth-ING” like that. Are they born with it? Is it a silent gene that is activated upon reaching the preschool years? Huh. 🙂

  5. wild4words Says:

    Like we’re going to fall for it??? We’ve got YEARS of experience in the art of subterfuge. Really, they should just give it up. But no. They don’t.

    And I’m thinking that attitude is genetic. I’ve watched my honey try to pull the same thing. I. was. not. born. yesterday.


  6. breedermama Says:

    Nuh-thing – proven give away. You are toast kiddo.

    I don’t even want to guess what he was plotting.

  7. faemom Says:

    Lindsey~ “I’m busy!” Priceless. I’m sure this lying will be cuter than the lying they’ll do as teenagers.
    insider~ I know! I didn’t even want that smart of a kid.
    Evenshine~ You just have to wonder why they settled on that word and that tone.
    Gibby~ My question exactly!
    w4w~ And to think they’ll keep trying and trying. I’m not looking forward to those teen years.
    breeder~ I won’t ask what you’re doing as long as you stop doing it . . . NOW. 🙂

  8. Zeemaid Says:

    my favourite is when I come upon them and J looks up at me, hands behind her back. “I’m not doing anything, mommy.”
    Mom alarm starts to sound… “oh, really..”

    I can tell when E’s up to something just by a little smirky smile she gets on her face.. gives her away every time. *L*

  9. faemom Says:

    Ha! Kids try to be so sneaky. My brother has a smirk too, so that my mom always could tell he was up to something.

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