I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane

This Saturday my brother is strapping on the ball and chain and repeating sacred words outside in 40% chance thunderstorms at a place that he is paying too much to be at.  (Lady K, if you read this, I’m not judging; I was just more laid back and uncaring about my wedding.)  Where is this blessed event taking place?  I’m glad you asked.  It’s in New Hampshire.  It’s a four hour plane ride, which starts at 11am, stays in Dallas two hours, and then gets us into Boston at 9:30 pm.  Then we have an hour and a half drive to our hotel.  I’m going on the record to say The Husband is responsible for the flight arrangements, or really his admin assistant is.

The admin assistant is also responsible for the seating arrangements as well.  The first leg will be The Husband and Tornado E and Tornado S and me.  From then on it will be the boys and I; while, The Husband will be a row in front or behind or two rows away.  I wonder how much it would cost for me to upgrade.

Not that I’m worried.  I used to fly with Tornado E all the time before Tornado S was born.  I’ve got a portable DVD player, DVDs, and earphones.  I have books, coloring books, sketch pads, crayons, pencils, food, toys, prizes.  Yup, I’m one prepared Mama.  Woe to the flight attendant that tries to separate my bag from me.  So if you here about a plane doing an emergency landing because of a mom beating the crap out of a flight attendant, that’ll be me.  I’ll totally do a shout out when I’m interviewed on the morning news.

“Well, Diane, I had everything I needed to keep my boys occupied when the flight attendant told me she would stash it to the rear of the plane.  I was reading a couple of my favorite blogs at the time like Bad Mommy Moments, Lost in Suburban Bliss, Inktopia, Parenting by Dummies when the flight attendant took it when I told her no, thank you.  I had to stop reading The World According to Me to tell the woman my kids will tear this plane up if you don’t give me that bag. “

Hmm, I have a REALLY LONG favorite blog list.  Maybe I’ll just repeat my blog roll.

Apparently I can also take as much juice, water, and milk with me because I’m taking a toddler.  Or at least, that’s what the FTA website says.  I wonder if they’re going to be real hardasses like they are at the OC airport or the Maui airport.  (Maui, four security checks; like anyone flying out of Maui wants to die.)  So if you here about a mom arrested in Boston or Tucson airport for security reasons, that’ll be me.

“Well, Chris, I told the security officer that I was allowed to bring juice.  I showed him the guidelines that I printed out from the FTA website (not to self, totally print out those guidelines).  Then I told them that there was no way it was anything explosive because it would have eaten through the cardboard.  I should have been more polite, but I was trying to get through so I could read Mothering, Not Drowning, Naptime Writing, Unruly Helpmeet, and The Momoplex before I got on the plane.  In hindsight I wouldn’t have screamed ‘Do you really think if I wanted to bomb a plane I would do it with my own kids on it especially since I have medic-crap I forgot to take it today.’”

I really have to work on my shout outs.

Because we’re lugging two car seats, two boys, a huge diaper bag, a wimpy umbrella stroller, a backpack Tornado E’s suppose to carry, two monkey leashes, I figured I should leave the laptop behind, since The Husband is bringing his.  Unfortunately, he’ll be working on his when I would normally be blogging.  I have my Blackberry Storm, which I will use to read you all, but I probably won’t be able to comment unless I drug his tea with sleeping pills.  Just think of me as a guardian angel watching you or maybe more like one of the fifty readers who never comments.  Since I’m totally anal about my responsibilities (or I just can’t bare to see my stats drop), I plan on scheduling posts.  My problem is I’ll miss you all.  I’ll miss you so much I’m debating on taking up Twitter just to hear you all talk.  My bff is begging me not to go to the dark side.

Now I’m off to read before I have to pack and clean and run and get the Lunchables I left in my parents’ fridge.  If you have any advice, please leave it.  I’m totally planning on checking my blog Just One Last Time before we leave for the airport tomorrow.

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13 Responses to “I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane”

  1. CynthiaK Says:

    Good luck is all I can say! We head out next Saturday for our two week road trip to the east coast (22 hours in a van with three children under 8) so I feel your travel pain.

    Just don’t rush out too fast and forget the carseats like we did a few months back when we flew.

    Have fun! Stay sane!

  2. CynthiaK Says:

    Um….in that comment I just left, it was supposed to say “three children under 8” but looks like a smiley crept in there somehow. Looks like I was saying something nasty and it was being bleeped…

  3. Ink Says:

    Dear Fae: Safe travels, first of all. Hope you all have a great time. Question, though: where will the camel ride (since you’ll obviously need one to lug all that stuff)? 😉

  4. Erik Says:

    Be assured, the TSA inspector at the airport has a 50/50 shot of actually knowing exceptions to the rule.

    My suggestion: the patience of Job or the Jedi mind trick. “This is not the liquid you’re looking for.”

  5. Lindsey Says:

    Do print out the TSA guidelines. And be prepared to prove your sons age. I had to do that the last time with mine. The guy said, “wow, he looks old enough to not need all this.” And I said, “listen, he’s huge. People always think he’s older. If you heard him whine when he runs out of juice you’d realize in a hurry he’s not.”

    They took my freaking juice. And the flight attendant wouldn’t give me more. Now I only fly Southwest, because they ALWAYS let me take extra crackers and juice from the flight attendant.

  6. Lindsey Says:

    Oh, I forgot to point out: the flight attendant wouldn’t give me juice for him because he wasn’t a ticketed passenger. Why wasn’t he ticketed? BECAUSE HE WASN’T TWO YET.


    Those people can be really, really, really dumb.

    I highly suggest Southwest. They gave me six baggies of Oreo snack crackers. Because they are awesome. The flight attendant filled all four of my empty cups with juice.

  7. Gibby Says:

    It’s about time you twittered!

    Good luck is all I have to say! We just flew to Cali and well, it’s a hassle. Unfortunately Chuckles had to bring a nebulizer for a bad cough and the security people took it out and handled the crap out of it. I’m like, hello, my kid has to BREATHE into that, don’t touch!!! On the way back, they reassigned us to be 3 seats and one single. My loving, wonderful, awesome hubby took the 3 seats with the kids. It was a nice flight!

  8. Gibby Says:

    P.S. Have a GREAT trip! Can’t wait to hear all about it!

  9. KathyB! Says:

    Have a wonderful trip and enjoy the wedding.

    Just don’t let the kids look at Sky Mall magazine. There’s a peeing baby in there and it’ll cause all sorts of trouble : )

    And I think your shout outs are totally fun!

  10. incognitomom Says:

    Have fun at the wedding. I agree with Ink … you’re going to need the camel caravan for all that stuff. Seems, like me, you overpack. Let’s hope the fluids make it through security check.

  11. insider53 Says:

    Have fun at the wedding but don’t think I didn’t notice the omission…………..dixie cups and tylenol.

  12. ck Says:

    oh good heavens…you are embarking on my worst nightmare. the plane ride, not the wedding. but if anyone can make it through unscathed, it’s you, Fae. have a wonderful trip!

  13. faemom Says:

    CynhthiaK~ We traveled WITH the car seats, dragging them through airports. We could never forget that.
    Ink~ I did. I named him The Husband. 😉 I promise we shared carrying duties.
    Erik~ I should have re-read your comment yesterday.
    Lindsey~ That is HORRIBLE! They’re in a Service Industry. Serve.
    Gibby~ Nothing like having dirty hands on important medical stuff. Awesome.
    KathyB!~ Thanks to you, I kept them aeway from that dangerous Sky Mall catalogue.
    Incognito~ I lived with the desperate fear we would be on the tarmack for an hour or be delayed in Dallas for five hours. Hence I took all emergency toys and stuff.
    insider53~ LOL I packed sippy cups and a metal water bottle in the suitcase.
    ck~ When you need to fly with the girls, I’ll fly with you.

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