Things I learned on our Trip

1)   Kids four and under can handle three hours on a plane.  The last half hour makes the mother want to jump out.

2)   Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Maine, you all need to pay for better street paint.  When it’s dark and rainy, it would be super nice to be able to see the street lanes.

3)   You all need to invest in street signs.  Especially Boston.  Not helpful for tourists.

4)   Tolls suck.  Do you know how much money we paid to just do u-turns?

5)   I’m willing to pay twenty dollars more a day to have maid service.

6)   “Take the second exit at Broadway” is not a helpful direction.  Left, right, or straight are directions.

7)   “Continue on Route 1” when you are starting at a parking lot on Route 1 is not a helpful direction.  Again, we need a left or right.

8)   Frustrated, tired husband, who is driving, ranting at tired, frustrated wife, who can’t find where they are on the map, makes the wife wonder about quickly divorces.

9)   Delusional tired husband ranting at freeway system makes delusional tired wife laugh hysterically.

10)   GPS can save you or destroy you.

11)    When lost, GPS sounds like a bitch.

12)    GPS does not know all. 

13)   My mother is an obsessive caller.

14)    The family wit came from my father.

15)   Black shirt or black tux = ring protecting ninja.

16)    Always include all children of a family in an event.  Do not leave any child out of that family.  The child will join event unasked.

17)    Never ask sister-in-law or brother where to eat because they like crowded, trendy places that are not suitable for children or tourists that would like to do something other than sit at a table waiting for breakfast.

18)    Tearing apart lobsters is harder than watching it done.

19)    Newly big-potty-trained child will always need to poop when you don’t have the little seat to use.

20)  It’s easier to hold a pooping child if you are sitting on the floor.

21)    Always buy two of everything when you have two children.

22)   Traveling with children is more tiring than traveling alone.

23)    Security guards in Boston like to start sh*t.

24)   Tired, frustrated mother is more the willing to return sh*t.

25)   Telling your mom on your cell phone as you’re waiting to board the plane that your kids have vomited and diarrheaed all morning does not make fellow passengers easy.


More details in the days to come.

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11 Responses to “Things I learned on our Trip”

  1. beth aka confusedhomemaker Says:

    Boston is the worst for lack of street signs, it led to one very anger induced trip. The next time we went we did not drive & it was far more pleasant, I would have killed Hubby if I had to deal with him trying to find his way around again.

  2. Three Bay B Chicks Says:

    There were very few points here where I wasn’t nodding and smiling. Hilarious post! Nothing like learning while on the “front lines” of a vacation.

    Some people think a vacation is based on rest and relaxation. I am glad that you and I know the truth.

    It is just not. 🙂


  3. Evenshine Says:

    Oh. My. Good. Lord.

  4. ck Says:

    One day, when my kids ask me why I never took them anywhere, I will refer them to your blog.

    Welcome home, Fae!

  5. KathyB! Says:

    Holy crap. Or maybe holy vomit?

    Just reading that has inspired me to grab a glass of wine. Might I suggest you do the same?!

    Welcome home!

  6. insider53 Says:

    I hear you , I feel your pain, at least you didn’t need the Dixie cups. No more weddings for awhile I bet.

  7. Lindsey Says:

    I feel for you. Long plane rides suck, getting around an unfamiliar city sucks, family that doesn’t understand what it is like to have to travel/eat out with small children sucks.

    Welcome back, and I hope it’s a *very* long time before you need to do that again!

  8. Gibby Says:

    And I have been lost on those Boston streets and that Route 1. Not fun. But that was before I had kids, so I can only imagine. Glad you had fun. Wait, did you?!

  9. faemom Says:

    Beth~ Here I thought it was just us.
    Francesca~ Now I wish I knew why my mom agreed to one a year.
    Evenshine~ My thoughts exactly.
    ck~ I volunteer to be your travel nanny.
    KathyyB!~ After waiting around for wedding pictures, I grabbed my husband and whispered in his ear “GET ME SOMETHING STRONG!”
    insider53~ Yup. Except for the Tucsonian wedding reception. I’ll pay my baby brother to elope.
    Lindsey~ Thanks. Unfortunately we’re planning on a trip to SoCal, but at least I know my way around.
    Gibby~ Eventually, we did. 😉

  10. WV Mimi Says:

    That’s great…love it. There is a grandma, like me, sitting somewhere with a big smile on her face and remembering why she loves you dearly.

    I found you in comments at PBD.

  11. faemom Says:

    Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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