Me: I have to tell you something.
BFF: (noisy restaurant in the back ground) What?
Me: I’m pregnant!
BFF: I knew it! I knew it when you called. I’m having breakfast with a friend, and I almost let it go to voice mail. But then I thought I bet she’s pregnant. Last month was a crazy fluke. But this month she’s totally pregnant.
Me: Yup. So you coming down for the birth?
BFF: You bet I am. I get to be in the room this time, right?
BFF: So have you told The Husband?
Me: No, he’s still in California. He won’t be back until Monday night. I think I should totally do something with this. This we’ll be my last time. I’m keeping the pregnancy test hidden, so that I can prank him in a year or two.
BFF: HA! There’s hope for the marriage when you’re planning pranks down the road.
Me: Hey! It can always work on a boyfriend. Wanna borrow it?
BFF: (I can almost hear her roll her eyes) Whatever. So what are you planning?
Me: That’s why I’m calling.
We discarded several plans. I really wanted to do a meal of baby carrots, baby spinach, baby burgers, and baby cupcakes, but the BFF felt The Husband wouldn’t pick it up. She’s probably right. We thought of filling one of his dresser drawers with diapers, but then he keeps most of his clothes in a pile near his side of the bed. We decided on my original plan, having Tornado S tell him.
Tuesday morning as The Husband slept, I wrote on one of Tornado S’s diapers. “I’m going to be a big brother.” I placed the diaper on Tornado S and waited.
An hour later, The Husband was playing with the boys, and I was getting us ready to move out and go grocery shopping.
Me: The Husband, can you change Tornado S’s diaper; while, I get Tornado E’s shoes on him.
I handed him the clean diaper.
The Husband: Sure, no problem.
I walked out of the room, peeking around the corner. The Husband pulled off Tornado S’s shorts. He pulled off the diaper. He wiped Tornado S up. He put on a new diaper on Tornado S. He rolled up the old diaper and threw it away. My jaw dropped. Crap.
Me: We need a plan B.
BFF: You’re whispering.
Me: I’m trying not to give myself away. Here let me close the office door. We need a plan B.
BFF: What? He didn’t notice?
Me: Nope. He changed the diaper and rolled up and threw it away.
BFF: (laughing) That’s great!
Me: What’s next? A shirt?
BFF: No. Do a sticker. Then the shirt. We’ll get bigger and bigger until he notices.
Me: What’s last? Dancing hippos with it written on them?
Me: At least this will make a great post.
BFF: (laughing) It sure will!
I borrowed some giant nametag stickers from my mom under the pretense the boys would make stickers. During naptime, I wrote “I’m going to be a big brother” on one of the nametags. When the boys got up, I stuck on Tornado S as I gave them nametags and stamps. I went to work on the t-shirt, just in case.
Ten minutes later, The Husband came out of the office to take a break.
The Husband: What are you doing, boys?
Tornado E: Making stickers.
The Husband’s eyes were glued to Tornado S’s chest.
The Husband: (Saying it quietly, almost under his breath) I’m going to be a big brother. (pause) (He looked at me; his eyes widening.) You ARE?
Me: (nod) Yup.
The Husband crossed the kitchen and gave me a hug and kiss.
The Husband: That’s great! Should we celebrate?
Me: We’re expected at my parents’ house tonight.
The Husband: Do they know?
Me: No. I waited to tell you.
The Husband: I had no idea this all happened this morning. I was pretty out of- Wait. How long have you known?
Me: Since Saturday.
The Husband: And you didn’t tell me? This is the way you told me? That’s not nice.
Me: What? I thought it was cute.
The Husband: Well, at least, I got to know first. So how are we going to tell your parents?
Me: I made a shirt. In case plan B fell.
The Husband: Plan B?
Me: Yup. You didn’t notice it was written on the diaper.
The Husband: What?!
We went over to my parents’ house with the plan that after we went swimming, we would put Tornado S’s new shirt on him. Only Tornado S didn’t want to go swimming. So I forced the shirt off and placed the new one on. Tornado S wiggled free and went out back to play with Papi, Daddy, and Tornado E.
When Tornado S finally came back in, I was helping with dinner. My mom turned around and asked Tornado S to give her a hug. Instead he hugged Grandma-Great, and then he yelled “MAMA!” My mom swooped him up before he could finish his run towards me.
My Mom: Let me see your shirt! ‘I’m going to be a big brother.’ Oh, Fae! That’s wonderful!
With Tornado S still in her arms, she hugged me.
My dad: I was wondering why he had a shirt change. He came out, and I thought, “Boy, what did you spill on yourself now.” Congratulations, baby.
Me: Thanks, Dad. No one say anything to anyone until I’ve got morning sickness.