I promise you it’s not the plague; it’s allergies

I need to go on a rant here, and it might just be too much information for some of you.  So if you want to slink away now, I won’t hold it against you.  I’ve been thinking about this rant for some time because I’ve got no one in real life that can truly understand, and I figured since I know so many moms online, maybe someone will understand out there.  Besides some of my most favorite bloggers are open and honest about their TMI stuff and their embarrassing shit.  And I want to be like them.

About six weeks ago, Tornado E came down with a cold.  A nasty little thing that knocked him down for almost a week.  Fever, chills, runny nose.   You might remember me mentioning I had it before committing radio silence for a week.  Fever, chills, runny nose, and a cough that sounded uncomfortably close to a smoker’s cough.  Sweet.  Not only did I feel like crap, people looked at me like I had the plague.  All I needed was a couple of boils, a hood, and a bell to ring and call out “Bring out your dead.”  Since I’m a responsible pregnant mom, I didn’t down a bottle of Nyquil like I would have and been done with it.  No, I suffered for a week before my OB/GYN appointment, where my doc told me what I could take and that there was a list of medicines on the website if I ever needed to look anything up.  Sweet!  I was on the mend.

Except the cough.  Which lingered.  And lingered.  And by God, it’s been five f-ing weeks.  About three weeks in, I searched, scoured the website, and you know what.  There was no list of medicines.  So after a day or so, I called.  And low and behold, they told me what to take for a cough.  Sweet!  Now I was on the mend.

Except my allergies hit.  After going eighteen years without allergies, moving to CA for another ten, and returning home, I have allergies in my home town.  Are you kidding me?!  Now my nose runs like a faucet because I can’t take the good stuff.  And I still have that damn cough as I try to hack out a lung.

I was probably out of morning sickness danger for over a week before it dawned on me the only time I vomited was when I had a real bad coughing attack after lying down.  Just yesterday a coughing fit sent me running to the toilet where I dry heaved for five minutes as I pissed my pants because that’s what I do when I’m pregnant and vomiting.  I piss my pants.

Oh, and it gets better.  If it’s a powerful coughing spell, I piss my pants.  Sometimes it’s just a little; sometimes it actually does wet my pants.  Then I can’t make up my mind whether I feel like a four-year-old learning to potty train or a ninety-four year-old losing my faculties.  Either way it’s extremely embarrassing.  In the beginning it was so bad that I wore a heavy day pad (Thank you to whatever blogger mentioned that) so I wouldn’t pee in public.

Now I know this is partially my fault.  I should have been doing my kegel exercises.  I did push out Tornado S without contractions, so that was bound to loosen things up.  But I never remember to do them.  It’s on my list of things I should do, but tend to forget.  It’s pages after file all the old business papers and organize Tornado E’s school work, but it is before the-husband-feels-neglected-because-of-the-morning-sickness-I –should-really-give-him-a-bj.  Yeah, I don’t think I’ll get around to that either.

So I figure I should just keep drinking cough syrup and popping allergy pills until it is all gone away, not (my original plan of) stopping as soon as I start feeling better, leaving the rest up to the immune system.  Because hey, they’re losing the battle there.  I hope the little bean can forgive me if there are some side effects, like a lower IQ, the need to watch professional wrestling, or sixth finger.

Wish me luck.  And thanks for listening.                                 Um . . . any one there?

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10 Responses to “I promise you it’s not the plague; it’s allergies”

  1. insider53 Says:

    Oh Fae, cheer up it’s not so bad. Okay that’s a lie. It’s terrible when you feel betrayed by your own body. I have that little coughing problem/wet your pants thing and I’m not even pregnant. Thank you 4 babies……I wouldn’t change it though. Feel better soon:D

  2. theycallmejane Says:

    Ok – true story. I’m reading your post and I got to the part where you said, ” …because that’s what I do when I’m pregnant and vomiting. I piss my pants.” And instinctively, I started doing my Kegel exercises! And then I read the part where you confessed about NOT doing your Kegel’s and I laughed and almost peed my pants. Cross my heart!

  3. ~Laura Says:

    Oh, it may be TMI, but I am LOL! Thank you for officially making me so happy for never having to get pregnant again. And the fact that bjs are even anywhere on your list while pregnant, sick, vomiting and peeing your pants-makes me think you qualify for wife of the year!

  4. Evenshine Says:

    Hm. Not sure what to say here. Good luck?

    Kegels, darling. Kegels.

    Feel better, Fae!

  5. ck Says:

    You better get moving on those Kegels, Fae. I’ll only go down from there…

  6. TheKitchenWitch Says:

    God, I hate it when I’m throwing up–which is bad enough–and THEN I piss my pants. It’s like, “could things get even SUCKIER?”

  7. faemom Says:

    insider~ That didn’t make me feel better. At. All.
    jane~ It’s my pleasure to turn my misery into your laughter.
    ~Laura~ Funny, my husband doesn’t think so.
    Evenshine~ Thanks.
    ck~ I’ll get on top of that.
    TKW~ Oh, seriosly! It’s like God, why are you punishing me.

  8. joz1234 Says:

    oh, Faemom…I’m sorry! I hope it gets better. Vent anytime you need to. I’d rather piss and vomit than have hemmorroids…so it could be worse. 🙂

  9. Fie Upon This Quiet Life Says:

    I got a cold in April with a bad cough. I also got pregnant in April, and didn’t want to take any medicine for the cold/cough. But it just lingered and lingered. Eventually, I had to start taking something because, like you, I was wetting my pants from having this body-paralyzing cough. Awful. I was wearing pads every day for about a month, despite doing Kegels.

    The cough got less severe, but still lingered. It’s been present my entire pregnancy, and I’m 33 weeks along now. I’ve seen a pulmonary doc, done asthma testing, and am on allergy medicine just in case it’s due to allergies (which I never had noticed before moving to California). Eight months of coughing! And all my docs can say is, “well, you’re not going to have the same immune system when you’re pregnant.” Not. Good. Enough!

  10. faemom Says:

    joz~ Oh, no, not hemmorroids! I had such a minor case that the doc patted my head and told me to eat an apple a day.
    FUTQL~ That’s horrible! I hope you feel better.

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