The News

If I had known what the ultra sound room looked like, I would have insisted on a time in which my mom and the boys could have come.  It was roomy with chairs for six with a big flat screen hanging on the wall, hooked to the ultra sound machine.  It was impressive.  Baby delivering was lucrative.

As we started it, the doc asked, “So what do we want?”

The Husband: A Girl!

The Doc:  Then I’ll call her a she until we know.

I rolled my eyes and concentrated on the blurb that turned out to be my baby.  And the little stinker was kneeling.  The med student engaged us in conversation where we mentioned we had two boys already.

Med student: What do they think?

Me: Well, the two year old has no idea what train wreck is going to hit him.  The four year old is pretty excited.  First he wanted a girl.  But then he wanted a bald baby.  So if it’s a bald baby, it has to be a boy.  He decided we’ll name him Kevin.  Or Elephant.

Med Student: Kevin?  Like from Up?!

Me: I guess so.

Doc:  It looks like Kevin is going to be a good name.  More socially acceptable than Elephant.

The Husband: Are you sure?

We stared at the screen as she moved the instrument around for a good picture of the boy parts.

Doc: Well, I checked several times to make sure that wasn’t the umbilical cord.  But that defiantly looks like boy parts.

Yup.  They sure did.

We watched in silent as she studied the heart and head, explaining what we saw.  Tears formed in my eyes, but I forced them back.

As we left the office with all the pictures, The Husband turned to me.

The Husband: I’m really disappointed.  I totally thought this was a girl.  What are the odds?  Don’t worry, babe, we can always adopt or try again.

Me: I think this will be the last pregnancy.  I don’t know if I can take more vomiting and peeing my pants.  I’m a little disappointed too.  But we really have to rush because I have to make chicken and dumplings at my mom’s.

I told my family as I prepared dinner.  Then when everything was cooking, I called my BFF, who rambled on about her day until I mentioned I went to the doctor.

BFF: Damnit.  I should have called you.  It’s on my calendar!  Well?!

Me: It’s a boy.

BFF: Oh, honey!

Me: I know.  It’s ok.  I only wanted to cry a little bit.

And then I cried.  I cried for five minutes straight.  As my BFF told me it was ok to be disappointed, that it didn’t mean I was a bad mom or that I wouldn’t love the baby any less, it was ok.   I stopped.

Me: So I’m a mom of a troop of boys.

BFF: Yup.

Me: It’s going to be fun.

BFF: Yup.

And I felt better as we talked.

I always pictured having a daughter, even as a child.  But what do I need a girl for?  Someone who would bake and cook with me.  I never wanted to be in the kitchen when I was a kid, unless it was baking.  My brother learned to cook at my mother’s side.  I learned after I left the house.  Did you know there’s a wrong way to eat a tomato?  Someone to shop with me?  I hate shopping, except with certain people.  In college someone would drag me to the mall, and I would sit with the boyfriends (with a backward nod and How’s it going) as I nearly died of boredom as the girl tried on thing after thing.  Play faeries with?  Actually the boys love Tinker Bell.  They love my little pocket toys and my faeries.  I guess I’ll be buying the Tinker Bell movies for Christmas.  Doing a little girl’s hair?  I hate doing hair.  As a little girl, I would cringe as my mom put the dead hair she pulled out of the brush in my hands, and that was after begging and sobbing not to make me hold it.  To teach someone to wear make-up?  I only wear make-up at grown up events.

As I talked to the BFF, I told her what I (and she) believed.  God gives us what we need; not what we want.  How easy would it be to raise a feminist girl?  A tomboy and princess all rolled into one?  Easy.  (So says the woman without daughters.)  But I have to raise feminist boys.  Boys that will go through a stage that girls are yucky, a stage where girls are stupid, a stage when girls are just to mess around with.  I get to crack heads and teach manners.  I have to be stronger to prove women are strong.  I also have to bone up on my sports skills so they know exactly how a girl throws.  (In my peak, I could throw a softball with one bounce from the back of centerfield to home plate.)  I have my work cut out for me, but I plan on raising the good guys that any mother would be proud to call son one day.

I think I cursed myself.  I said on some radical feminist blog that it’s an adult that makes a toy gender specific.  What makes a car a boy toy?  What makes a doll a girl toy?  Then I turned around and told my pen pal that I couldn’t find any craft kits for boys because they were all about making jewelry and spa stuff.  My pen pal asked, “Wouldn’t your boys love making sparkly jewelry?”  Damnit.  Yes, they would.  Just like Tornado E would be thrilled with a Tinker Bell doll.  And wings.

As my BFF and I began to end our conversation, she giggled.

Me: What?

BFF: The Husband was sweet to be disappointed.  But I think he wanted you to have a girl because he thinks the boys are for him.  (pause for breath)  What he doesn’t realize is they are all for you.  Besides boys are closer to their mothers.

I smiled.  She was right, as usual.  Didn’t I just read a book about this?

That night as The Husband crawled into bed, he tried to cheer me up because he hadn’t realized I was so over being sad.

The Husband: Babe, you’re going to one protected woman.

I smiled as I pictured myself surrounded by three strapping boys.

Me: Don’t you forget it.

The Husband: Hey, I’m one of them!

Sure, you are.

Thank you to all the wonderful people who commented on A Dark Secret.  You rock my world and made me feel so much better.  I’ll answer everyone later today, but I thought I would get this up for my East coast readers.

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20 Responses to “The News”

  1. bookworm27 Says:

    Congrats!
    You’re a way better person than I am. My husband and I only want girls. My husband especially has no desire to have a boy (I psychoanalyze it having to do with his strained relationship with his alcoholic father – well alcoholic during his childhood at least), and I think I would be devastated for a very long time. At least until the baby was born and I fell head-over-heels in love.
    Your boys sound absolutely adorable and entertaning though. I laughed reading the posts under The Penis Rules. I’m sure your boys will grow up to be the most wonderful men.

  2. Fie Upon This Quiet Life Says:

    I’m glad that you have such a good attitude. You’ve got a healthy, happy little boy to look forward to.

    But I’d stay away from the name Kevin. After all, in “Up,” Kevin is actually a girl.

  3. itneverrainsinseattle Says:

    I always wanted girls. I always expected girls. And as the curtains appear to be drawing closed on my marriage, it seems likely that I’ve sired all the kids I’m going to have. All three boys.

    And yes, boys do tend to be closer to their mother. [sigh.]

    I’m glad you’re already over the hump (regarding the disappointment). It didn’t take long for me, either. I’m still occasionally wistful, but less and less so as time goes on. I could never imagine trading my boys for someone else. Like you, I had plans to make good, strong girls. Plans change.

    We seem to be doing okay with our boys. You seem to be doing okay with yours. I’ll say this about three boys… hand-me-downs are a cinch!

    Warmest wishes to your growing family!

  4. Maureen@IslandRoar Says:

    This post brought tears to my eyes. You are so honest and brave to admit these feelings that sooooo many women have and squelch!!
    You are going to raise some amazing boys! I only have one son and let me tell you, thru all the CRAP my daughters give me, he is the light of my life.
    Congrats on your little guy. I’ve got a feeling he’ll be the light of your life too.

  5. Ink Says:

    Oh, Fae, what a lovely post. I’m glad you’re feeling better about the new little guy. And I LOVE the description of raising feminist boys. Something I’m working hard on as well.

    And now you will still get to say “the boys” when you’re referring to the kiddos, which is kind of nice and all-inclusive. 🙂 Oh, and hand-me-downs save money! So there’s that!

  6. jc Says:

    And I’m tearing up….
    “I have to be stronger to prove women are strong”…. you don’t have to prove anything about strength. By existing in this patriarchy, women are strong. We have to be. You just be you. That’ll teach your boys about women as people, as human just like them.
    I’ll help you crack heads, I have some experience!

    Craft kits for boys: I bought my 3yo cousin a bat house to assemble with my uncle for xmas. He LOVES bats. And my BBBBFF’s little rascals love painting, so we painted their entire unfinished basement using sponges (a la Spongebob) and making bubble noises and singing squarepants for many long hours. We added glitter to the paint. They are getting a butterfly kit to watch caterpillars change.

    Congrats on the lil tike. He’ll be one protected dude too!

  7. TheKitchenWitch Says:

    Oh, this post was beautiful. Such a range of emotions.

    And you are right. Boys belong to their Mama.

  8. joz1234 Says:

    Fae, you Rock! Your boys will turn out as fine men because you care so much. So funny how I find out we have more in common when I read about you. I played softball from the time I was 5 until I was 14. I, like you, could throw a ball quite far. It’s a good thing because my husband never played sports past elementary soccer. My boys have to learn how to throw somehow. 😉

    Maybe we were both just made to have boys.

  9. beth aka confusedhomemaker Says:

    Congrats on the baby boy! Boys are pretty awesome. I was afraid to have a daughter (I mean really afraid), but the Mamacita came along. Then I was actually started to hope for another girl so she could have a sister. However, D-man is all boy & you know what it’s beautiful to see them all together.

    You are going to raise an amazing son because you already are with his brothers!

  10. theycallmejane Says:

    You are going to raise three amazing boys! And their wives will have YOU to thank. This post was so touching, so real. Combined with the fact that we were in the middle of adoption I was actually disappointed and angry that I was pregnant with a boy. But now? Oh. I’m embarassed I ever felt that way – because I’m truly having soooooo much fun. #1son loves to cook with me and #2son keeps me laughing. But I’m not worried about you. You are going to have an amazing time, too! You strike me as such an involved, caring and nurturing mother. I can just picture you, surround by your grown boys at a holiday dinner, adoring their mom’s cooking and company. Thanks for sharing your journey, warts and all.

  11. Miss Dot Says:

    Aw! I can only imagine what that must feel like to be longing for one and to be told you’re having the other. Hubby and I haven’t begun trying yet but I think I might be like you if it comes down to finding out we’re having one instead of the other. Your BFF was right to tell you that it was OK to be disappointed. It doesn’t make you less of anything, only more human!

    Thanks for your comment on my guest post @ PBD today! It’s funny because what you said runs through my head, too! I’ll be like, “This is that one calm moment before all heck breaks loose.” Haha!

  12. faemom Says:

    bookworm~ Well, let’s hope you get what you want. I realized there’s nothing I can’t do with a boy that I wanted to do with a girl.
    FUTQL~ Good point! The Husband hates the name any ways; I like it, but I don’t know if it’s the name I want, so I keep pushing it as I look for the real name.
    INRIS~ But the trick is to make them good, strong men, which I believe you can do. I just don’t want to spend my life sighing over little girl dresses.
    Maureen~ At least I get out of dealing with middle school angst, right?
    Ink~ We mothers of boys need to stick together.
    jc~ Thanks for the ideas! I think I’ve got to put a little more into looking for fun crafts for them.
    TKW~ Thanks!
    joz~ Well, if I remember right, you’re hoping for a little estrogen in your house, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed. My husband did soccer in elementry school too! And one year of football in highschool. Pssht, my parents tried to raise jocks.
    beth~ You’re making a great little woman there, pumpking allergies and all.
    jane~ That’s so sweet. I hope you don’t feel too guilty because I doubt the boys even know you wanted anything but them.
    Miss Dot~ Thanks for the sweet words. And you are hilarious. I’m glad you guest posted.

  13. Country-Fried Mama Says:

    Well, I’m sorry you didn’t get your girl, but I think you absolutely rock for wanting to raise feminist boys. Teach them to cook and make jewelry and go shopping and they will bring home fabulous daughters-in-law for you one day.

  14. Evenshine Says:

    Congrats, Fae. 🙂

  15. Erik Says:

    First, let me say congratulations! That’s really awesome for you guys.

    I haven’t visited in quite some time and and I find some weird irony that the first back I read touches on the same thing that brought me here in the first place. I saw a post you wrote about raising boys on the WP.com main page, right after my then fiancee, now wife, and I had a conversation about wanted boys vs. girls. I got some interesting insights with the first post, and I got some more this time around. I hope that she is able to handle any possible disappointment about not having the girl that she has declared we’re having.

  16. Gibby Says:

    I knew it!!!!!!

    I admit, I wanted Chuckles to be a boy. One girl, one boy, the perfect family. Little did I know that God gave me the perfect family, the family that was perfect for me. Now I can’t even imagine having a boy (and NO, we are not going to try for a boy).

    BUT…if you’d like to spend the day with a couple of girls, I’ll GLADLY send mine over!!

    Congrats!!

  17. faemom Says:

    CFM~ Thanks! I hope they will bring me home wonderful DILs and make sweet grandkids.
    Evanshine~ Thanks.
    Erik~ Thanks. And irony is the spice of life. I’m sure your wife will be just fine with a boy. Trust me, we love desperately whoever we get.
    Gibby~ I may just take you up on that offer one day.

  18. zeemaid Says:

    just goes to show I should always read backwards. *LOL*

    So congratulations on it being a boy. I am so glad you had your BFF to talk to and work it all through with. I think it’s great that you don’t categorize your boys into doing just boy things. It’s going to be so exciting to have a new baby around!

  19. insider53 Says:

    Yea! it’s a healthy adorable boy who is gonna learn how to bake, dang-it.

  20. faemom Says:

    zeemaid~ Every day I get more excited. Now I have to work on names.
    insider~ If they don’t bake, they don’t eat. You think that’ll work?


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