Some advice for Spammers

Spammers seem to be getting more intelligent, or at least writing like they’re more intelligent.  Instead of writing Viagra a thousand times or talking about nude pics of some celebrity or other, they’re writing sentences, even paragraphs.  But there are a few things that are bothering me.

Take “Conceive a Baby Boy” and what s/he said, “Good Website! I wondered if I might be able to pages and use a few things for a school assignment,” referring to my post Project Womb: The Hope for Pink Booties.  I’ll give you props for actually targeting a relative post for your site because I did check it out, since you tried to post three times with different emails and IP addresses.  Of course, you wrote the same comment using the same name and website. 

But let’s just take a moment and believe you, instead of assuming you’re trying to sell books or pills or magic potions.  Let’s assume that what you meant to say was “I wonder if I might be able to copy and use a few things for a school assignment.”  First off, I’ll have to assume you’re in high school or college, but by college, students usually say a class assignment.  Either way, I doubt your teacher would be impressed that you sited some random blog that didn’t even site the actually scientific studies or papers on this statement.  You’re better off finding your helpful information for your school assignment in a scientific journal or any website that has an .edu instead of a .com.  Don’t believe me?  Go ask Ink, Evenshine, Beth or Naptime.  They’re actually professors.  I’m just a girl who graduated with Honors.

Then there’s “Blogs” who wrote “Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?” on Wanna Laugh?  While I’m completely flattered, I know it’s not my best writing.  It was actually endorsing one of my favorite bloggers (not saying too much because I’ve got like a dozen of them) Not Drowning, Mothering on her chance to get a Bloggie.

But at least, Blogs, you asked nicely.  And the answer is NO.  I know I don’t have a fancy little sign or a clever saying about stealing my writing, but that doesn’t mean it’s out for grabs.  See one of the things they taught me at my fancy, little college (see the “with Honors” sentence) is copywrite law because, you know, it’s important for all writers to know.  Just so that you’re clear on this before I hunt you down and have some big, ugly dude serve you papers, I’ll explain a little of copywrite law, just for you.  See, I don’t need to write a disclaimer because under US law, where I’m writing, it says that the moment I write something, whether it’s in a word processor, on a blog, or on a cheap cocktail napkin in a cheap motel by the airport, that writing is MINE.  Anyone who takes it is a thief.  (The Husband would like to add that this is called “Implied copywrite” because he paid lawyers a lot of money to teach him that; while, I paid a school a lot of money to learn that.)  Most countries will support the copywrite laws of the originating country.  Except China.

But if you’re in China, let me just write something to get me thrown off their internet servers, so we don’t have this little chat again.  China, I hope you’re listening.  First off, I don’t really care for your reasoning that “you’re developing” so you can go off and pull some horrible little tricks.  Like stealing copywrited material.  Or what the hell you’re doing to your environment.  Sure, we developed nations pulled a lot of the same crap, but we learned our lessons.  We regretted doing that stupid sh*t, so we’re warning you.  And you sound like a sniveling little brother when you say you did, why can’t we.  Besides we didn’t try to torch ourselves in the grand fashion you’re doing.  It’s like you simply don’t give a f*ck when it comes to your people or your future.  Honestly the way you’re going, the way you’re acting, you’ll never be a “First World Nation,” you’ll be a laughing stock.  The crazy part is that someone once told me that you believe that you are just underneath Heaven, that everyone must reincarnate to become Chinese before making it through the pearly gates and off the wheel of suffering.  So you’re destroying the best part of earth?  Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.  Second, if you truly believe you’re right under heaven, you obviously never been to Maui because that’s truly paradise.

So Conceive and Blogs, that’s just some helpful advice to send you on your way.  You can THANK ME LATER.

THANK ME LATER Thursdays are brought to you by Parenting by Dummies and the Letters F and U.


8 Responses to “Some advice for Spammers”

  1. Maggie Says:

    WOW! Stopped over from PbD. You deserved the honors. Haven’t gotten any spam comments on my blog. I’ll thank you when I recognize one.

  2. parenting BY dummies Says:

    Holy crap dude, you are effing funny! I want to tweet this and shout your awesome factor to the world, but I’m scared. ‘Cause you’re better than me. And usually when someone is better than me I like to hate them. For being skinny, for being pretty, for being muscular, for being FUNNY! But, you know, I’ll skip the hate since you’re pregnant and because you are one of only 3 people who love me enough to participate in my TMLT fair. So, I’ll sing your praises and hope that it’s the baby that’s making you funnier than me. You can thank me later.

    Oh, and China speed skates dirty!

  3. beth aka confusedhomemaker Says:

    Standing up and clapping. You deserve an A and get to go to the front of the line for this one 😀

    So funny…

  4. faemom Says:

    Maggie~ You lucky dog, you. No spam. That’s awesome. But they do make you smile sometimes.
    pBd~ Sweetheart, I live to try to meet YOUR expectations. I could never be funnier than you.
    beth~ Just don’t blame me when someone asks you if s/he uses your blog in his/her school assignment. Or how to site a blog in a paper.

  5. Jane Says:

    Love this post! And I love it when you get all riled up – your writing smokes! (Ok, now I’m starting to sound a bit creepy so I’m going to slink off now)

  6. zeemaid Says:

    *L* I love your last line! Excellent piece. I hate spammer commenters. Pretty stupid.

  7. TheNDM Says:

    Sorry that the wonderful plug you gave my blog earnt you some unwanted attention… but the good news is that it most certainly helped me win the Aus/NZ category. Perhaps you should redirect those spammers to me as payment? x

  8. faemom Says:

    Jane~ Now if only I was that clever in a real life person-to-person interaction.
    zeemaid~ You have to look at it as all a joke. Though I’m wondering how much they get paid because I would rock it.
    NDM~ I’m happy to take the hits for you. It was a wonderful cause. You deserve the award.

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