I think it’s going to take a little longer than planned to put up The Tornado A Birth Saga. As I’m only a few paragraphs in and I was called away by a baby that thinks it should have gas this early in his life. Pre-Chocolate! So I don’t know how I gave it to him, since I haven’t consumed any of the usual suspects. But I will. Oh, I will. So instead of the baby saga, I’ll post little antidotes. Because I don’t have a lot of time right now. Because Tornado E and Tornado S have cracked me up so well so often lately. Because I can hardly string to coherent sentences together beyond “Could you hold the baby?” and “Could you go pick up Tornado E from school?” (Note to self: Ask The Husband in a two minutes to pick up Tornado E.)
As I waited for my dreaded first bowel movement, I read the label of that awesome pain reliever spray the nurses send you home with after having a baby. (God Bless the spray since my mom has said twice already, “Fae, she did give you quite a few stitches.” Yes, I know. I felt every damn one. Ok, where was I?) Spray. The spray says to use it no more than two to three times a day. You know, unlike what the nurses say to use, which is like every time you pee, which should be like eight times or so. I like the nurses’ instructions better. Much Better.