Broken and lost

I was reading blogs from my phone because, you know, computer problems and a home computer I barely get to use because I have to share with someone who works on the computer from home.  And I read They Call Me Jane’s blog from the last two days.  And it hit my heart.  The pain I’ve been struggling to overcome clutched at my heart like a physical hand as it does a lot the last couple weeks.  I’m amazed that I can still walk.  I’m amazed I’m still standing, ready for battle, not running away to a little hut on a beach somewhere.  My best friend keeps telling me it’ll take some time to heal.  But I’m tired of feeling it, thinking about it, and talking to her about it.  I want it to be over so it’s not preoccupying every waking moment of my life.  Some times I can forget and be the good mom living in the here and now.  And then it hits me like a truck, and then I just stand there absorbing the blow. 

God, this sucks.

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7 Responses to “Broken and lost”

  1. zeemaid Says:

    Just wanted you to know that I feel for you at this rough time in your life. I wish I could help but your best friend has probably already said it all… time does heal and it does take time. Not an easy path. HUGS to you Fae!! I hope things start to look up for you.

  2. Fie Upon This Quiet Life Says:

    Hugs! I wish there were something I could do or say that would make you feel better! I’m here if ever you need someone with an objective point of view.

  3. Brea Says:

    A close friend and I have a saying “This is not my moment”. This came about due to shared grief over a loss of a loved one. When we were beyond explanation, down in the abyss, we could say that to one another, and know that we’d understand. You don’t have to explain, you don’t have to even talk.

    It tells the other person that you simply need them to be on the other end of the phone, or to stand next to you, and be that steady point that keeps you upright through that moment.

    We’re here. Steady points in your pocket that can help you stay upright through these moments. {HUG}

  4. confusedhomemaker Says:

    I’m keeping you in my thoughts & prayers. I know you have a lot going on right now.

    We’re here.

  5. Jane Says:

    Wow. You know this already, but I know how you feel. Hang in there. I love Brea’s phrase “This is not my moment.” How true. And appropriate. And simple to use. Feel free to use it any time with me and you know I’ll understand completely. Hugs, hugs, hugs. 🙂

  6. polymerclaysnails Says:

    Hey there, Fae!

    I know it’s been a while since I’ve visited but was going thru some of my favorite blogs and came across yours. I’m reading this post and it hits home as well. I’m going thru the worst time in my life .. have been since Nov. 09! I feel like I can’t breathe every day and I just want to roll over and croak. My papa is really sick and terminal. I’ve just gotten around to starting to talk a bit here and there but it’s terrible

    I also love the phrase “this is not my moment” .. it really does get to the point and is a short way of saying everything that needs to be said.

    I hope you get thru your moment … I’m very much around if you feel like dropping a line (nydiamata@yahoo.com) … Fierce hug for you =)

  7. Ink Says:

    Fae, I’m sorry — and so thinking of you. One day at a time, sweetie. Email if you want to talk, please!


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