I was reading blogs from my phone because, you know, computer problems and a home computer I barely get to use because I have to share with someone who works on the computer from home. And I read They Call Me Jane’s blog from the last two days. And it hit my heart. The pain I’ve been struggling to overcome clutched at my heart like a physical hand as it does a lot the last couple weeks. I’m amazed that I can still walk. I’m amazed I’m still standing, ready for battle, not running away to a little hut on a beach somewhere. My best friend keeps telling me it’ll take some time to heal. But I’m tired of feeling it, thinking about it, and talking to her about it. I want it to be over so it’s not preoccupying every waking moment of my life. Some times I can forget and be the good mom living in the here and now. And then it hits me like a truck, and then I just stand there absorbing the blow.
God, this sucks.