Starting to loose my chill

I’m drawing a blank here.

Usually I start composing somewhere in the shower.  The only five minutes of peace I have until everyone is passed out.  But lately I’ve been during a shower meditation, so it takes up most of my time.

Usually I have most of the day to compose because I write during nap time when Tornado A and Tornado S are sleeping and Tornado E is at school.  Not only is Tornado E out of school and plays the Piper to Tornado S’s Child, today is counselor day, so the boys will be at my parents’ house during nap time.  I will be doing something to help my mom.

Usually I can be focused even with two boys breaking in to tell me something or show me something or beg me for something.  But I’m trying not to think about composing speeches for the counselor and obsessing about the lies that started a year ago Sunday.  Yeah, that not thinking is working out well.  So I drag my brain to another thought.  Like how my mom has just found out today what stage of breast cancer she has and I should call her and see how she is doing.  After I finish this post.  So I drag my brain away to the wrapping I have to do (all of it) and the Christmas cards that need to be done (most of them) and the ornaments the boys need to make (please don’t let me burn them again) and the cleaning I should do (because we’re preserving memories here, folks) and I got to remember to check the directions on what tools we need to build the bikes and should I bake something (because those muddie buddies found their way into my hands WAY too many times the last two days) and maybe I should stop writing and start making a list.  And checking it twice.

I think I’m about to have a panic attack.

9 Responses to “Starting to loose my chill”

  1. kloppenmum Says:

    I love the idea of a shower meditation. What a great way to start the day. I’m sure you’ll get through anything really urgent. Have a great holiday.

  2. the undomestic housewife Says:

    Just breathe. The wrapping – the baking – the cleaning – don’t obsess – whatever gets done gets done, everything else will be fine. The boys won’t notice and definitely won’t remember.
    I’m sorry that you’re going through so much. Hope your mom is okay – and also that your counselor appointment goes well.

  3. TheKitchenWitch Says:

    Oh Fae! I’m so sorry. We just got news of cancer on the Mama front here, too. I hope your mom’s prognosis is positive–please let me know if there’s anything I can do.

  4. kloppenmum Says:

    Yep, thinking of you and your Mum, too.

  5. jc Says:

    Holy hell, when it shits, it pours! Give your mom a big hug. You too Witch.

    I take massively long hot showers every day. I’m going straight to hell for it, but my body doesn’t cooperate if I don’t. I get out when I smell the coffee.

  6. Fie Upon This Quiet Life Says:

    Hugs to you! I’m really sorry to hear about your mom! 😦

  7. zeemaid Says:

    An unusually stressful countdown to Christmas! Don’t stress the small things… there will be other Christmases. I hope your mom is okay and your appt goes positively!

  8. The Good Wife Says:

    i love the shower meditation too! Sometimes it takes all my strength to turn off the shower and face the world! Sorry to hear about your mum – i hope you christmas isn’t too fraught!

  9. beth aka confusedhomemaker Says:

    Remember that in all things find the present. You can’t change what is done, you can’t know the future until it is, instead just try to be in this moment & what gets done gets done. The boys will only remember getting a hug & being told “I love you” that is all you need to do Everything else is gravy on top.

    And you’ve got my prayers, good thoughts & happy vibes for everything that is going on.

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