Hell has frozen over

This weather/the universe rant is knocking off one of two posts about some disciplinary problems that will be hilarious one day if I attain my second of my two parenting goals, keeping the boys out of juvy.  (Because it is important to manage life by setting high but achievable goals.)

When I’m already “grumpy” because someone decided 5am would be a great time to wake up and roll, it is not in the best interest of anyone to freeze the water in already wrapped pipes.  My showers are like coffee.  With few exceptions (which usually involve a vacation away from schedules and chores), I NEED my showers to function and not bite off heads. 

If I lived anywhere but the desert, there would be snow.  Since I did move to the desert, I expected certain things.  Like the fact I’ve already lived through the hottest day on record here, 119°, I think.  Maybe 118° or 120°.  Once you are able to cook food on the hood of your car, numbers really don’t matter, and digital thermometers should just start blinking “HELL.”  I’ve accepted the fact that it is clearly stupid to live in the desert if you are of Northern European descent.  No one looks good with lobster red skin, and no one feels super to have portions of skin cut out by a doctor.  Bless the person who invented sunscreen.  Needless to say I also expected not to be frozen when I’m outside.

Every time I psyched myself up, I felt a new low.  Like: Ok, the pipes are frozen; it’s going to be freezing.  Then I walk outside, and it’s worse than I fear.  Much worse.  I psyched myself up as I buckled everyone in and turned on the car to hear the dj say that it was 19°  with the wind chill of 0°.  Zero, people!  What part of desert does this weather system not understand?  But I rationalized the numbers away.  Then I got out of the car and remembered that the houses are so packed in my neighborhood that they act as a partial wind-break.  I shut the door and strung enough cuss words to make my older cousins proud of the day they taught them to me.  Holy crap, it was cold!

Yes, I did confirm it.  I have now lived in the coldest day in Tucson history.  F- me.  I’m immigrating.

5 Responses to “Hell has frozen over”

  1. TheKitchenWitch Says:

    That’s crazy! It’s -4 here, but at least we expect that kind of thing where I live!

  2. zeemaid Says:

    No, I guess you wouldn’t expect it to get that cold in the desert. Brrr. Which is why I like my Island. It may rain, it may snow but temperatures almost never freeze the water in my pipes. I wouldn’t move to Alberta for all the money in the world and I’m thinking I might add your desert to my list. 😉

  3. jc Says:

    I nearly froze to death in an AZ desert. I had no idea it gets so damn cold in the desert until that day. That same day, my car nearly melted at 110.

  4. Gibby Says:

    I started to comment on this post yesterday, but then I had to go shovel some more of the 20 INCHES OF SNOW WE RECEIVED FROM THAT LOVELY BLIZZARD this week. But yeah, the desert is totally letting you down right now. Stupid desert.

  5. faemom Says:

    TKW~ Oh my god. I couldn’t do that.
    zeemaid~ Maybe you should; it’s a bit bi-polar.
    jc~ Like I said, Bi-Polar.
    Gibby~ LOL I’m so sorry. Let’s run away together.


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