Nevermind that for the last several days, the boys have been sleeping in until 7 or later. (Weird.)
Tornado S climbed into bed, wanting to snuggle at 6:15am.
Then he said, “Mommy, I have gunk in my eyes.”
Instead of slipping into an already scheduled delightful fantasy in my head, far, far away from my responsibilities, I sprung up and pulled Tornado S off of my pillow and dragged him out of the bedroom.
Then I put him on the floor, holding him down as he screamed and flailed around as I put pink eye drops into his eyes. Then I ran, turned on the hot water, got the crying Tornado A out of his crib, wet a washcloth, and returned to the great room. I placed Tornado A on the ground, who immediately started to whine to be picked up again, and handed Tornado S the washcloth, instructing him to place it over his eyes. Which he didn’t. I had to. Which he fought. So I gave up and scraped the crap of his eyelids. While he screamed and flailed.
Then I dragged him to the bathroom to wash his hands. Only I had forgotten that I had a pair of swim trunks soaking from the night before. Ewww. So I dragged him to my bathroom, where he proceeded to tell me he couldn’t wash his hands because he didn’t have his step. So I grabbed his step and forced him to wash his hands correctly.
Only I had forgotten he hadn’t had his morning pee. And now he did. Through his underwear and all over the step. UGH! Rather than screaming or running away, I comforted Tornado S and then cleaned it all up.
It was now 6:30.
But it’s the first day of summer, and I have half a chocolate birthday cake. So I served it up for breakfast to the now awake Tornado E and the recently scrubbed clean Tornado S. Tornado A was upset that he had to have prunes and toast. Sucks to be a baby.
Because we couldn’t start the tradition of pajama/underwear day on the first day of summer because I had errands to run, I had to nag everyone into their clothes. God. I hate nagging. Did you pick out a shirt? Where is your shirt? Why are your pull-ups on? Tornado A, don’t move. Don’t roll! Where’s your shirt? Why are you naked still? Where are your clothes? Fine. Start with your underwear. Fine, if you don’t want to wear Mickey Mouse, go get a new pair. Why are you still naked?!
Tornado A rolled off the couch.
So we left later than I wanted to. I was planning on hitting Tornado E’s new school, the store, another store, the city hall, the teacher’s supply store, and then lunch. But by the time we left, I would have been going there at the same time as parents’ dropping off their kids. Uh, no. I’ll have enough of that next year.
First the store. Because “we” (as in “we” are both doing it, but “we” did not come up with the plan but was merely dragged along for the ride) are doing a little experiment on using just cash, I had to go get a money order for a bill. Imagine the fun of dragging three young children in a store, where they only want to go get smoothies two doors down. Or imagine the commands as I filled out the forms and mailed out the envelope.
Then off to the next store. Again we paid a bill. To lighten the mood, we dropped coins in collection jar, watching the coins twirl and twirl around. Then I remembered I had to bring something to Tornado E’s end-of-the-year t-ball party. So we shopped for a watermelon and cucumbers. Add in the usual grocery shopping dialogue.
Once we were at the car, the boys scampered into the driver’s side to jump around in the front as I lashed Tornado A into his seat.
Tornado E: MOMMY! I LOST A TOOTH!
Sure enough, I saw a mildly bloody hole was where his tooth used to be with a tiny little tooth coming out of the gum. For you folks at home, this is Tornado E’s third tooth. This is also the third tooth we have lost and been unable to put under his pillow.
Me: Tornado E, do you know when you lost it?
Tornado E: I think in the store.
Well, I’m not going back to look for a tooth.
To city hall, where I paid the water bill, where Tornado A tried to overturn the garbage cans and where Tornado S threw a fit because he couldn’t press the button to open the door. Wally, my best friend, called, and she managed to tell me about her yesterday that made my day look like a cake walk.
We walked over to the teaching supply store. As I searched for workbooks for Tornado E and Tornado S, they were busy playing in the play area, then the toy area and then using pointers on each other. The stroller wheel fell off again, and it took a while to fix it. Tornado A did not understand why he had to be in the stupid stroller any ways.
By the time I made my purchase and got to the SUV, we were facing lunch. So we picked up drive thru; while Tornado E and Tornado S took turns feeding Tornado A goldfish and juice.
Then it was to the new school to bring Tornado E’s birth certificate because the registration packet made no mention of any other items needed other than the registration forms. It took almost a week to get back to school.
Back home, everyone ate. Tornado A napped. I established a new rule over picking up toys. They had to do it. Then there were the usual bickering and fighting with a few squirt gun fights to break up the monotony. I joined in one.
Then Tornado A woke up. With gunk in his eyes. What are the odds that was random gunk and not pink eye like Tornado E had and Tornado S was having? Now add a second child screaming and flailing every two hours as I put a drop in each eye.
Then Tornado E didn’t want to go to his party, so I had to make dinner. With a cranky baby crying at my feet. Just as I set down dinner on the table, I noticed Tornado S was dancing. I told him to go potty as I placed Tornado A in his high chair with his food. I turned to see Tornado S, with pants down, standing on the edge of the bathroom, peeing onto the tile. Ah, crap. He couldn’t make it to the toilet. In his mind, it was the next best place.
I sat the boys down for dinner. I cleaned up the urine. Tornado A was finished eating and wanted down. I grabbed a quick bite after settling Tornado A with some toys. I then explained why the boys had a choice between cupcakes and cake and not candy. I’m a good baker. What’s wrong with my cupcakes?
Tornado A climbed up the step in the bathroom, jumped around to see his reflection, and then fell off the step.
Then Tornado E wanted to go to his party and threw a temper tantrum because I wouldn’t take him. I had already canceled. I had two boys with pink eye. We couldn’t go.
Tornado A needed his usual Mama-belongs-on-the-floor-with-me-while-I-do-other-things time. Then I noticed Tornado E was gone.
Me: Tornado S, where’s Tornado E?
Tornado S: Sleeping?
What? Yup, he was sound asleep on his bed.
Then Tornado A’s fingers were slammed by the toilet seat lid as he investigated the water.
Then I bathed him and put him down.
I played squirt guns with Tornado S for the last half hour before reading to him and putting him to bed.
I’m hoping the rest of the summer isn’t like this.
Though it did take me several hours to write this. Sigh.