How many penis rules do I need?

Me: Then I walked into the bathroom to find Tornado S not holding his penis and facing toward the tub.  HE was peeing in the tub!  And I yelled.  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”  And then he turned his body towards me.  And pee went Ev.Ry.WHERE.  And-

My Mom: You should’ve known better.

I responded with raising one eyebrow with a skeptical you’re-actually-questioning-me look that I perfected in my childhood.

Me: I didn’t know what to do.  So I ran in.  Grabbed his thing and aimed it.  Jesus.  How complicated is that?

A gleam of laughter flashed in her eyes.

I had no doubt that her mind went back to years before when she was raising two little boys who had their own aiming problems.  Aiming problems that they blamed on me until I moved away for college.  “So you’re telling me that your sister sat on the pot facing backwards, towards the tank, aimed and pissed all over the toilet just to get you boys into trouble and to make you scour the bathroom.”  The sarcasm was thick as honey.  Personally I thought it was a bit childish and crude for a prank; I prefered just casually asking why The Face moved The Truck from its parking spot after fourth period or asking The Friendly (not so ) Giant if he got his test back, at the dinner table.  My mom would divide the scouring chores and sent the grumbling boys to the bathroom not allowing them out until it gleamed and the stench of piss was no longer in the air.  “God help you if you have boys,” she said and went to her room to lose herself in a historical romance novel.  I looked up from my own book (not a historical romance) and shrugged.  Seriously, what were the chances I would have boys?

Then the gleam was gone.  Her voice remained cool and mom-like.

My Mom: Did you give him a sponge and tell him to clean it up?

Me: No.  He melted when I questioned him.  I felt he just needed to go straight to bed.  He was overly tired, and I assumed he wasn’t getting put to bed on time when I was away.  (Pause.  I shake my head.)  Mom.  What do I have to do to get them to aim?  Do I have to make this a rule too?  It shouldn’t be so hard.  It’s point and shoot!

She can’t raise just one eyebrow.  But she gave me a look of you’re asking me that question.

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2 Responses to “How many penis rules do I need?”

  1. Ink Says:

    There are NEVER enough rules, apparently…

  2. Elastamom Says:

    I agree…never enough. And all the things that come with a penis: not being able to find things, leaving clothes on the floor, being a baby when sick…shall I continue???


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