I’m sick of the “Mommy Wars.” Any one else? Because personally, I think it’s 98% bull-sh!t.
Media wants us to think stay-at-home moms and working moms are incredibly envious of each other. Stay-at-home moms feel that working moms don’t devote enough time for their children and family and that these women are selfish. Working moms see stay at home moms as lazy, playing, and giving up who they are to be only a mom and wife. Stay-at-home moms wished they could spend more time with adults, have more money, not cater to their children all the time. Working moms wish they could spend the day playing with their kids, taking them places, and teaching them wonderous things.
Doesn’t this sound like bullsh!t?
Among my stay-at-home mom friends, whether talking in a huddle after the school drop off or reading and interacting on the blogs, I have never heard them say one bad thing about working moms. We’re amazed that they can do it all. We think they’re amazing as the drop off the kids, dressed nicely, run off to work and deal with god-only-knows-what for eight hours to come home to cook and clean and take care of kids. We can only assume they’re exhausted more than us because we didn’t have to put up with eight hours of office politics and losers. When we talk to our working sisters, we here the same issues we have, parenting, marriage, exhaustion, house duties. We get that.
When I talk to my working mom friends, including the ones who work at home or part time, they have nothing but respect for stay-at-home moms. They are amazed by SAHMs’ patience and ability to spend all the waking hours day after day with their children. They don’t know how we do all that we do with kids trailing us through stores, banks, school offices, volunteer duties and whatever else that needs to be done. They understand all the same problems, parenting, marriages, exhaustion, house duties. They get that.
We do respect each other. Most of us don’t judge the other. What we do judge is ourselves. Working moms worry they look like bad moms because they want or have to work. They feel guilty missing field trips and not being able to take the kids to parks and museums in the summer. Many of them try to rearrange their schedules so the balance is as close as they can get to perfect. Stay at home moms worry about money, worry about spending any of it on them, worry about their retirement. They feel guilty for not trying to have it all. They wonder if their teaching their kids that women’s work is unpaid and useless. They wonder if they’re wasting their college degrees and work experience.
Honestly. It’s about us.
“Am I a bad mom because I can’t wait to go back to work after maternity leave?”
“I feel so useless because I do nothing but clean and run errands now the R- is in school full-time.”
“I want to go back to work, but who will take off from work when a kid is sick or needs to go to the doctor’s for an emergency visit? He can’t.”
“I know it sounds wrong, but I don’t want to give up our lifestyle.”
“I have to pick up a few more hours. I told K- I would be home more this week, but the truck needs tires.”
We’re too busy picking ourselves apart to do it to anyone else. I think it’s time we unite against the Mommy Wars and end this craziness once and for all.
But I understand that there are judgers out there. We do it because we’re insecure. I do have a solution. Here is a list of pre-approved parents you can judge:
Parents who abuse their children, physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally.
Parents who allow other people to abuse their children physically, sexually, emotionally, and/or verbally.
Parents who abuse other people’s children physically, sexually, emotionally, and/or verbally.
Parents who do drugs.
Parents who do not seek help with their addictions.
Parents who feed their kids soda and junk food every single day.
Parents who don’t listen to their children.
Parents who commit crimes.
Parents who again and again chose their own selfish wants over their children’s needs.
Parents who don’t think it’s their job to raise good human beings.
Hmm, did I miss any one?
For the judgers, judge the people who need to be judged. Everyone, it’s time to stop this Mommy Wars bullsh!t.