It’s been a long time since I did The Walk of Shame. It only took one time of ribbing from my roommate and my suitemate to shake it off. It failed the next time.
Violinist: So how was “studying” last night?
The Sweet mate: Did you get lost on the way home?
Me: No. I found my way home just fine.
Violinist: That must have been one crappy paper he had you help him with.
Me: You ain’t kidding. What did they teach you all in your California schools? But luckily he’s better at other things.
The Sweet mate: Which you practiced.
Me: Why, of course! Hey, are you guys going for breakfast? I’m starving.
Violinist: Yeah. We were just leaving.
Me: Give me ten. I’ll just jump in the shower and throw some clothes on.
The Sweet Mate: Sure.
Violinist: You know, lover boy isn’t going to be there.
Me: Yeah, I know. But he’s like a girl. He takes forever to shower and get dressed. I was taught to wait for no man.
I shut the door to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
Violinist: How was The Walk of Shame?
Me: (from the bathroom) Fine! I got laid last night! Anyone who cares is jealous!
I hadn’t been drunk. I was in love. I had fun. Was I stupid for falling for the guy? Yes, yes, I was, but love makes fools of us all and hindsight is twenty twenty and all that.
But now I’m too old for The Walk of Shame.
Until I did it Monday morning.
As we dropped off Tornado S, I had Tornado A in tow. And Tornado E.
Tornado S’s kindergarten teacher: Hey, Tornado E. No school today?
Tornado E: There’s school. I’m not going.
Tornado E: I hit someone.
The teacher looked up at me. I looked back.
Me: There was. An incident.
Teacher: Oh. I gotcha. Tornado E. What did you learn?
Tornado E: I’m not allowed to punch people.
Teacher: Good. We all want you in school, learning and playing with your friends.
Tornado E: I know.
Yes, folks. I am now one of those moms. My kid got suspended.
Why? For punching a girl.
Why? “I don’t know.”
Why? “I don’t know.”
What were you doing? “We were playing the Anything Game. She was a good guy. I was a bad guy. So I punched her. I didn’t think she would get hurt.”
My response got jammed with all kinds of thoughts. YOU hit a GIRL? You hit someone because of a GAME? You hit someone at SCHOOL? She was not your BROTHER! I’m going to beat this kid. YOU got suspended from school! What were you thinking? Why would you do something so mean and stupid? OH MY GOD. What do I do with you? I’m taking all your video games, movies, tv shows, toys, and everything you love. AAAAHHHHHH!
So I answered with this: Sit here. Until I can think of how I can deal with you.
In the end, he lost all screen privileges until he was done with his one day suspension (and because he hit the girl on Friday, he had all weekend not to have screen time); he missed a playdate and family fun day, and the only way he could go to science camp on Monday was if he got everything done from his teacher, which included homework.
I wish they had kept him at school. Not just because he wouldn’t have been suspended. But I truly think if Tornado E had to be in the principal’s office all day Monday, so close and yet so far away from his friends, it would have sunk in further.
I’m just hoping that was the last time. Because I might just have to strangle him if there is a next time. Because there is no way to shake this Walk of Shame.