A rambling take on my resolutions

I’ve been thinking for days on this.  Just thinking.  I always look back on my life and see what needs to be fixed, see what I do right.  Every year I make resolutions.  I’ve learned the best way to stick to resolutions is having a plan.  At this moment, I have no plan.

School is consuming.  Each class is five weeks long.  An entire semester crammed into 5 weeks.  And each syllabus cautions you to not wait to the week of to start your project.  Ha.  I wish I could devote more than a week, but with the reading, the papers, the online discussions, everything is done the week of.  It’s a delicate balance.  There’s one day a class session that becomes a DVD day, so that I can work on a project or read all day.  I’m a slow reader, but I retain well.  Life became more complicated when Tornado A moved to his own bed.  We’re still having sleep battles where I position myself outside his door to grab him and dump him back into bed.  On good days, it’s only a 30 minute fight.  On the bad nights, it can take up to two hours.  Afternoon studying is out because my brain clicks off.  How am I going to teach right after lunch?  That’s my sleeping time.  It’s been that way since I was in high school.  (I could devote a whole blog post to naps during class and on the job.)  (My plan is to get my grading period right after lunch and then position the desk so that you can’t see it from the window in the door {Granted, my little cousin, who attends the same high school I did, pointed out that all eastside public high schools have a wall of windows in each classroom.  Damn her observant mind.})

So because school, especially the last class, was all-consuming, I barely blogged.  We hardly did crafts.  I stopped emailing friends and reading blogs.  I did not do art.  I did not write.  I stopped reading for fun.  I rarely saw or talked to my friends.  If I wasn’t so busy, if the boys weren’t so very awesome, I would have been miserable.  It’s probably why I was in near panic last week when I learned class started today.

So what do I do about it?  What do I want?

Such powerful questions.

My best friend made a comment the other day about how she had a million resolutions.  But that’s fine.  It’s good to have goals.  To have a focus.

Focus.

I need to do something creative.  Every day.  It keeps me balanced and happy.

I need to look into the boys’ eyes when I tell them to do something.  I’m tired of repeating and nagging.

I need to text, email, call, see my friends.  (I was texting everyone at least once a week.  I need to do that again.  Stupid classes.)

I need to read a blog post every day.  Hopefully more than one.

It’s just one foot in front of the other, right?

I’ll continue to organize my house and life to make it easy to survive the chaos.  I’ll continue to get healthier in mind and body.  I’ll continue to take classes.  I get to take my teaching certificate test this year.  I need to get certified in more subjects.  I really hope to be officially single sometime this year, and I also hope that it is a fair divorce.  I’ll do my part to try to secure that.  I’ll continue to strive to be the best mom I can be, which means finding time to do things with the boys, getting them to try new things, and making sure they are whole and healthy too.

Here’s to a new year.  We’re all going to kick some ass.

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