Marriage Talk and Divorce Talk

As we ate dinner, we were listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis song “Same Love.”  I really like the song, and I think the boys should be exposed to good music and good causes.

Tornado E: Mommy,why do you like this song?

Is this the time to talk about this?  Should he know?  But then he’s already exposed to Ron Paul beating up Obama and Obama is against the military.  Thank you socialization at school and ill-informed parents.

So yes.

Me: Because it’s beautiful.  It celebrates all love and equality for everyone.

Tornado E: Boys marry girls.  But boys marry boys?  Eww.

Me: Why?

Tornado E: It’s gross.

Me: Love is not gross.  If it is real, healthy love, it’s beautiful.  Love is God.  If two boys love each other, then they should be able to get married if they want.  Or have a family if they want.

Tornado E: I don’t know.  I don’t think I want to marry a boy.

Me: You don’t have to.  You can marry whoever you fall in love with as long as it’s real love.  Everyone should be able to.

Tornado E: I still don’t want to love a boy.

Me: (laughing) Then fall in love with a girl.

Tornado S: I love everyone in the whole world!

Me: Good job, Tornado S.  We should love everyone.  Right now, we’re talking about a love that makes people want to marry.  Like Nana and Papi.

Tornado E: Why didn’t you say you and Daddy?

And we have found a dangerous path.

Me: Because Daddy and I aren’t married any more.

Tornado S: You should get married then!

Me: We were.  But now we are not.

Tornado E: Why?

Why?  The question that worries me.  They deserve the Truth.  But when they are ready.  Because it is their story too.  But they are too young to understand the mistakes, the issues, the choices, the stupidity of it all.  The things that are a war on marriage, more damaging than two men or two women getting married.  No one’s marriage destroyed my own.  He and I did it.  While he dealt the fatal blow, I helped tear it down too.  But a 7 year-old, a 5 year-old, and a 2 year-old do not need to know all that.  They do not need a white lie either.  They don’t need to hear the bs excuse of “we fell out of love” or “we are too different of people.”  Honestly.

I took a deep breath.

Me: It’s complicated.  It’s very complex, so you’ll have to wait until you’re older for a full answer.  But basically, we made mistakes.  Some people didn’t want to change.  (Ok, I didn’t say I would give the perfect answer.  Damn.)  But no matter what, your daddy and I love you boys very much.  More than we can say.  You are more important than anything else in this world.  (I looked each of them in the eyes.)  I love you.  You are wonderful boys.

Tornado E nodded.

Tornado S: Can we have dessert now?  I ate all my food.

Thin mints!  Chocolate!  That’s what we need!

I needed lots of chocolate.  Because as far as complicated, complex, oh-man-being-a-parent-is-so-hard talks, this didn’t go so badly.

It’s the first one in a long run of them, isn’t it?


One Response to “Marriage Talk and Divorce Talk”

  1. jkm7 Says:

    Always hard a topic! I know how you feel. It will continue to come up again and I tell myself the same thing, “when they are old enough to understand, I will tell the whole story.” I have two that are 9 and 11 and it is still that ” we loved each other, we tried, but we were too different and to be happy and raise you both the best way we can, we have to be apart.” Of course, this is not enough and usually ends, “you are just too young right now to understand, you have to trust us.” Continue to show them your love will NEVER fail and you will do just fine! And chocolate helps! 🙂

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