We were at the zoo this morning. As the boys watched the animals, I watched the people. People are fascinating. Parents interacting with their kids. (Oh, how sweet is that mom getting down and explaining everything to her two toddlers?) (Oh, God, I hope I don’t look that frazzled when I’m nagging my kids. I do, don’t I?) (Ok, what mother decides to wear 3 inch heels on a field trip to the zoo?) Tweens trying to look cool. (Oh, sweetheart, you have a while to go to be a grown up. You’re adorable.) Elderly couples strolling the zoo. (I want to be part of a cute old couple when I grow up.) (Note to self: keep smiling. And stand up straight. But really keep smiling. I don’t want to look mean when I grow old.) And of course I make up stories. (Ok, that’s his daughter from his first marriage, and she’s an awesome teen big sis to her younger siblings because she’s at the zoo. She has to be. She so young. And pregnant. Now I’m torn. She looks too young to be the mother of the other two children. Oh God, this was a bad group to choose. I’m not sure if I want her to be a teen mom with a supportive family or God-what-is-she-nineteen-at-the-most-wife to someone who looks like her father. Abort. Abort. Hey, monkeys!)
Then I noticed a mom and her two sons who were around the big boys age. They had a fancy plastic wagon with seats and a canopy roof. Then I started to listen. Or, um, eavesdrop.
The Mom: Sweetheart, we just have goldfish. I know you want a snack. I brought goldfish. Do you want goldfish? You always liked goldfish. Have some goldfish. No, I didn’t bring anything else. Just take the goldfish. Just sit down. Please, sit down. We can go once you sit down. Just sit down. Have some goldfish. Do you want goldfish? If you want to see more animals, you have to sit down. You want to see the jaguar? Then you have to get out. Both of you have to get out to see the jaguar. No, I’m not pulling the wagon over there. I’m not going to block the way for people. I’m not pulling the wagon over there. If you want to see the jaguar, you have to get out. I know you can’t see it. I know your back is to the jaguar. You have to get out and see it. No, your brother can’t see it because he’s sitting. No, you both have to get out. Fine. Hold on. I’ll pull you closer. Well, then get out and see it. You both can see it. Turn your head. You can turn your head and see it. We have heads that can turn. Here. Have some goldfish.
Dear God, please never let me be that woman.
Not that I can judge. 5 minutes later I pulled The Voice. An hour and 45 minutes into the trip to the zoo.
Actually, that might be a record. Go me!