Saturday was awesome.
It started off rough. At 6am, Tornado A was screaming “MOMMY, JUICE!” from the bottom of the stairs over and over. Each word was pushed into my brain like a knife. Because I’m a parent, I have learned that I only care about peace, so I marched downstairs, got Tornado A his juice out of the fridge, and returned to my bedroom to pop some pain meds and try to sleep a little bit longer.
30 minutes later, my nightmare was interrupted by “MOMMY, ROCKET!” being chanted/yelled at the bottom of the stairs by Tornado A. What the f- is he talking about? What rocket? OH! THAT rocket.
I stomped back down stairs and hunted down the rogue rocket from the night before. The other two boys gave me a “Hi, Mommy” that only two morning people can give. I found the rocket and returned upstairs. I took migraine medicine and went back to bed. I probably wasn’t going to fall asleep soon. So I got up.
After texting with a friend for a while and trying to come up with a breakfast idea, I finally decided on French toast. Because we had homemade cinnamon bread and old hot dog buns. And because it was May Fourth and I own Star Wars inspired sandwich cutters. So I made two X-Wing Star Fighter and a Tie Fighter.
About this time, I realized that I have to break my no-caffiene-before-lunch rule. I cracked open an energy drink. I wondered if I’m going to die from horrible disease caused by caffeine. But let me quote my baby brother. “We’re all going to die from cancer any ways. We might as well live a little. (as in: “Mom is going to kill you when she finds out you’re still nuking stuff in butter tubs.” “Fae, we’re all going to die from cancer in any ways; we might as well live a little; I’m dangerous like that.” Good point. Why don’t I just throw out my sunscreen and hats?)
The boys had already decided they wanted to go to Lego Club instead of the zoo. I had a carrot to get them to move and get dressed and get chores done. Never over look a carrot! We had two hours, which means nothing at all with my boys. But for normal people, that is plenty of time to get dressed and do a few chores. Given the options, the boys chose getting ready for the day first.
I decided it was a picture day, which means I take random pictures of things throughout the day and send them to annoy a special person. Like “This is breakfast!” “Yes, I’m drinking an energy drink at 8am!” “Look; I’m out of vanilla.” “This is the underwear I’m going to wear.” Scratch that. I don’t think I sent that one.
The boys got dressed and did their chores. Mostly. We had to clean up the family room for Tornado E to vacuum the rugs. I was able to get dressed and exercise. We made it to Lego Club 5 minutes late, which is fine because it lasts 90 minutes, but that also means I wasn’t able to find out the price of plastic kiddie pools at the hardware store.
Lego Club was great. I took tons of pictures of the boys building things and posted them on Facebook. Tornado A got bored and took tons of pictures of me, which I did not post on Facebook. Near the end, Tornado E and Tornado S teamed up with two other boys to compete with another group of four boys to build the tallest tower with those huge toddler Legos. It was awesome to watch them work as teams. When Lego Club ended, the teams knocked over their towers and raced to help clean up.
Before we left the library, we checked out Tornado S’s art piece from school and looked at a few books. We left with Lego books and a bunch of books of mythology and fairy tales. Tornado E was disappointed that all the Viking mythology books were checked out.
We met my parents and the Friendly Giant for lunch at a new burger joint. Burgers and custard for everyone. Then Tornado A fell asleep on the way home.
Then it was homework time. After a little bit of whining and complaining, Tornado E listened to me explain the importance of an introductory paragraph and a conclusion paragraph. We worked together on it after I told him, “No, I’m not doing it for you; I’ve already written several state reports when I was a kid.” Tornado S sat down and did his homework, insisting that drawing a dragon for his favorite character was what his teachers wanted. “Draw something that lives on Earth.” “They do live on Earth.” “Draw something that is in a zoo.” “Some zoos have dragons. Mommy, dragons are real.” Fine. He has the rest of his life to not believe in dragons. Not that I stopped. So I asked him to draw his second favorite animal, which was a king cobra. Then he worked on his teacher appreciation gifts.
By the time Tornado A was awake, homework was done, and we got ready to go to my parents’ house to go swimming. Only I forgot this was the first swim of the year, so the bag wasn’t packed with swimsuits, sunscreen, and other random, needful things. The boys were excited to wear their new bathing suits, and I learned that Tornado A’s hand-me-down was just not going to work. As soon as the cover was off, the boys were in, and I climbed in after them- and dear god, it’s cold. Maybe more like too cool. But still colder than I thought I would be. After suffering for five minutes, I decided to f- it and dove in to swim a few laps to get warm. God, I missed swimming.
The Friendly Giant showed back up. It’s always a great day when my baby brother shows up to go swimming with the boys. He’s a giant play ground and diving board and water fountain all rolled into one. I did kick the boys out when their lips turned blue and they began to chatter. “I’mmmmm no-no-not c-c-c-cold.” Right. As my dad pointed out, “Look at naked Tornado A; he’s got blue balls.” And the crowd boo-ed.
Then I decided to be an amazingly awesome mom in the eyes of the boys. We picked up McDonald’s and had a picnic lunch watching Star Wars: New Hope. Because it was May 4th. Because Tornado S said, “We should watch the fourth one because it’s May fourth. Fourth. Get it?”
We ended the day with bedtime and a small bedtime rebellion. And it was awesome.
When my hair was a chaotic mess from swimming the day before. When I got us to church 15 minutes early. When I learned I lost my wallet when I went to pay for our food at the bakery. When I was so super glad my wallet was back at church under the pew. When that whole bakery-tear apart purse and car-drive to the church- go back to the bakery fiasco took WAY TOO LONG. When I left the boys to their own devices for 30 minutes, giving them enough time to dump out ALL OF THE LEGOS and ALL OF THE IMAGINATRIX toys and a large container of toys. When I withheld lunch because they refused to clean. When it took 45 minutes to clean up the mess. When I argued with Tornado E because he refused to finish his chores. When my brilliant mother’s day gift idea failed miserably. When I had tons of salt dough and no idea what to do with it. When Tornado S argued, whined, and complained about doing homework. When Tornado E took all damn afternoon to copy his state report in nice handwriting without grammar and spelling errors. When we were running late due to the report so I decided to make Tornado E take it to my parents’ house. When I learned Tornado E didn’t grab any blank paper. When I had to run home for blank paper. When I had to clean up the car from the tearing apart earlier. When I couldn’t figure out a dinner menu. When we stayed slightly too late at my parents’ house. When the boys tried to refuse a bath. When they decided to drench the bathroom. When they decided they wanted to go to bed naked. When the older boys wrestled and messed with each other instead of going to bed. When Tornado A had to keep getting out of bed to get books for an hour. When poor Tornado E woke up with diarrhea and announced he had a poop accident in the bathroom. When I realized I was out of bread. When I was no longer manic and was tired and wanted to go to bed but I had homework and housework to do.
Sunday was less than awesome.