I’m not anonymous anymore.
Well, not really.
(Ok, so I was out two years ago by some crazy ex-employee of the ex. But no one goes looking at that thread on some crazy “report” site. That’s not really what I’m talking about.)
It’s the boys and their names. You type in their names, and the blog comes up on the first page. You type in their names and Arizona or blog, and the blog comes up first page. So if you know me and that I wrote a blog and you know my boys’ names, it is stumbling easy to find the blog.
I’m not sure how I feel about this.
When I first started the blog, I did some research on other blogs and what they did for their children’s names. Then I did a search on Tornado E and Tornado S. It was a popular combination of boys names. But when you add Tornado A, well, you get a more unique combination. No one has three children any more or are graced with three boys.
This only comes up because I’m a pretty private person online. (Except I used my real name and photo on Pinterest) My Facebook is pretty locked-down tight. I didn’t use my real name to set this up or the Twitter account. I’m annoyed how easily it is to get my address online. The only things I want to come up online is any writing with my name on it. Ok, it’s also cool that I’m still up for a panel discussion I did years ago at my alma mater. (And Pinterest. Not sure how I feel about that.)
I only think about my privacy because I had a stalker in my past (and we all pray he stays in my past) and that one day I’ll be teaching high schoolers. Tech-savvy high schoolers. My only hope is that they are so self-absorbed in their own worlds that they never think to research into my life.
Also I plan never to say anything negative about them in a public forum, so if I’m recorded, I’m not in trouble. I mean that’s just common sense.
But the question is how far do I go to reveal my life. How much can I be an open book when I know just possibly someone I know might fine the blog and look threw it, learning things that I didn’t want said person to know. But then I did make a public blog.
That question came to mind when I realized I’m holding a lot of secrets, and the ones that hurt the most are not even mine. I realized those secrets aren’t my burden. I’m not the one who has to be ashamed. So I decided I’m not going to keep them. It’s not like I plan on running around screaming them, but I’m not going to protect them any more. If the conversation ever turns to those secrets, I’ll tell the truth. Every time I do that I will be true to myself and take another step towards healing.
So there. I’m easily to find under this name with the right information, and I, like every other person on the planet, has secrets. Somehow I have to figure out how much of my mask and armor do I take off to be in this space.