The Ex took the kids to Disneyland. For four days. Out of state. Like an eight hour drive. With four children.
Obviously I was worried. I was married to the Ex for a number of years.
Will someone get lost? Will someone be misplaced? Will some sort of emotionally crushing event occur?
I knew the boys were going to have a great time. I mean DISNEYLAND. And I’m sure my boys don’t curl up into little balls and sob, “I want my MOMMY!” I’m hoping they remember me beyond that-woman-wh0-makes-our-food-and-makes-us-do-chores-and-homework.
But I still worried.
Car crashes. Earthquakes. Drunk drivers. Relatives that don’t like me and don’t mind talking in front of the boys. Lightning strikes. Dust storms. Freak accidents. Ride malfunctions. Kidnappers. About the last couple, I realized I was getting a little paranoid. I mean DISNEYLAND. That stuff doesn’t happen there.
So I was worried.
But I went on my merry little while, doing my best not to think about it. I had a plan. It was working too. Until I wasn’t able to reach the boys on their first night of their trip. (Breath. Stick to the plan.) Or the second. (Breathe. Stick to the plan. Don’t freak out.)
On the third day, my mother called. At 8am. Um, woman, do you remember I’m a night owl without my morning larks to wake me up?
I was thinking you should’ve written your phone number in permanent marker on their bodies. (Um, you know the Ex would just wash it off.) What if they got in a car accident? And the Ex and his girlfriend are knocked unconscious? It would be days before you found out. The Ex probably doesn’t have you as the boys’ mother on his cell. (But the boys know-) What if they are knocked unconscious too? (Someone woul-) You don’t know that. And the Ex never keeps his eyes on them like he should. What if they wonder off? Who would know? (Disney has like tons of-) And would they call you? Probably not! (I do have friends who wor-) What if he takes them Fae? What if he never comes back with them? When would you know? What would you do? (Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I don’t think the Ex would-) You don’t know. You never know. Did you talk to them last night? (Um, no.) So you don’t know how they’re doing? (Um, Mom. I’ve got to get some stuff done. I gotta go.) You should come over for dinner. (Yeah, sure. I love you, Mom. Bye.) I love you, sweetheart. Don’t worry too much. Bye.
I sat there holding the phone. Breathe. Don’t panic. Stick with the plan. Breathe. Don’t freak out. Stick with the plan. Breathe. They’re ok. Stick with the plan. Breathe. Dear God, protect them. Stick with the plan. Breathe,
Yeah, I’m totally not going over for dinner. I can’t handle another conversation like that.