Movie Critic

I took one for the team. The Ex should thank me. The boys watched Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom.

The movie is ok. The Ex hates the movie. It soiled the Indiana Jones name, but he already watched Raiders of the Lost Ark with the boys. And I. I love anything with Indiana Jones. When I was a child, I wanted to be Indiana Jones.

(Guy Friend: Oh come on, you can’t be Indiana Jones; you’re a  {Looks over at me and realizes his next words should be chosen wisely.}. Look, there are lots of great girls in Indiana Jones.

Me: Like the Nazi? Or the screaming wuss? I don’t to date Indiana Jones. I want to be him.

Guy Friend: Mariam! You can be Mariam! She’s cool.

Me: You can be Mariam. I’ll be Indy.

Guy Friend: But she’s-

Me: Not as cool as Indiana Jones. Exactly.)

So the boys watched Temple of Doom as I drove us home from the karate tournament in Phoenix. And I hear:

Tornado E: Why would you drink anything from a Chinese gangster?

Tornado E: How is that believable?

Tornado E: That would never work!

Tornado E: That’s not Indian food! I thought they were in India. Did no one research this?

Tornado E: I wonder how chilled monkey brains would taste. I would eat that. (No, he wouldn’t. He won’t even eat fruit pie.)

Tornado E: I don’t believe that.

Tornado E: Mama! Did you see that? (Driving!)

Tornado E: Why is she screaming?

Tornado E: That could never happen!

Tornado E: Does no one understand the Hindu religion?

Tornado E: Why? Why would you do that?

Tornado E: You can’t do that! You can’t pull out someone’s heart! Why is he alive?

Tornado E: *snort*

Tornado E: Voodoo dolls are not in India! Did no one do any research?

Tornado E: Mama, don’t they have to research movies?

Tornado E: No one researched this movie.

Tornado E: This is so stupid.

Tornado E: There is a bone to keep you from taking out his heart!

Tornado E: What?!

Tornado E: She’s always screaming!

Tornado E: FAKE!

Tornado E: This is so fake!

Tornado E: Why does she keep screaming?!

Tornado E: Mama, you never scream.

Tornado E: Oh, sure, there are some random crocodiles.

Tornado E: That’s believable.

Tornado E: Why are there only old people in that village? It’s only old people and kids. Where are there parents?

Tornado E: She’s so annoying!

Tornado E: Is she in the next movie, Mama?

Me: No.

Tornado E: Thank goodness.

Yeah, my kid is hilarious.

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