Superstition

We stood waiting for the brides to return from their 2nd jaunt of picture taking.

Me: I remember when I was a flower girl, and I was so hungry waiting to get pictures done and over with. When I got married, I didn’t any one to suffer like that, so the ex and I met with the photographer two days before the wedding to take as many couple wedding pictures we could.

A bridesmaid: Really? You were ok with that?

Me: Sure. The ex was worried about seeing me in the wedding dress before the wedding, but I’m not superstitious. What’s the worst that could- damnit!

Vacation Recap

The weekend of the wedding began our fall break. I did a mini-vacation with the boys.

  1. Highways make the drive so much smaller. But you get to see interesting things.
  2. The Salton Sea is creepy, isolated, stinky, and creepy. I’ve got to do more research on it. Tornado E said it was something out of his nightmares.
  3. My body reminded me that I’m no longer 21 and can’t eat fast food several days in a row. Next time I’ll save more money for real restaurants.
  4. Tornado S left his toys, books, and DVD choices in Tucson. We discovered this 45 mins out of town. I decided to buy all the boys a toy and Tornado S a DVD at Walmart in California.
  5. It’s so awesome to see, hang out, and catch up with old friends. It was so sad not to have more time to hang out longer.
  6. Everyone reads every day. Those are the rules.
  7. Tornado A was thrilled to share a bed with me.
  8. I think I can do this single parent thing on vacation. I just need more money. Like a lot more. I’m not greedy, just really, really poor.
  9. When we got home, we still had several days together. So we did the zoo, worked on Cub Scout stuff, and worked on school work.
  10. Tornado S likes being dragged across the finish line of school work. He fails to realize how much he’s missing. Like movies and crafts. And ice cream.
  11. Tornado E built a fire and grilled hot dogs and bratwurst for dinner one night. For Cub Scouts. With Papi’s supervision.
  12. Tornado A has a new baby. A baby narwhale. Because it was the closet thing he could find to a unicorn at Walmart. It joins the baby unicorn, the tiny baby unicorn, the mountain lion cub, and the leopard cub. So cute.
  13. We have decided on Halloween costumes.
  14. I filled everyone’s tummy with fruits and vegetables to make up for the 5 days of fast food.
  15. After 9 days with the boys, it was hard to let their dad take them.

A Wedding

Two weekends ago, the boys and I were in the wedding of my very best friend. I’m happy for her. And thrilled for her. And I will destroy her wife if she hurts my friend.

A few things from that weekend.

  1. My boys were A-mazing. They helped when asked. They played and watched movies to stay away. They did great in the wedding.
  2. No bridesmaid loves her dress. No matter how hard the bride works at that end.
  3. Mine is not to question why. Mine is to do or die.
  4. Two brides. Two brides. Do you know what that means? Imagine a girl who has always wanted to be a bride and gets to plan her very own magical wedding. Now times it by two. I’ve never been so glad not to be a lesbian.
  5. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of a magical wedding day. I do not understand it. But I know I’m odd.
  6. Everyone’s emotions run high around weddings. Understand this. Forgive.
  7. Being in a wedding is a selfless act. Understand this. Forgive.
  8. You’re going to get hurt; you might as well see it coming. Understand this. Forgive.
  9. The kids I went to school with are really awesome.
  10. Being in a wedding party with other moms means that they get parenting and will help you out. Like cutting the nails of your screaming 8yr old, who has never been harmed in the pursuit of short nails.
  11. Brides, don’t micromanage; delegate. Be specific as you want, but delegate…. like almost everything.
  12. One of the maid of honors asked to help me with my hair. Holy crap! It was witchcraft!
  13. Is it a thing now that wedding photographers take 99% of pictures of the couple? I was asking for all sorts of pictures of other people with or without me at my wedding day. Of course, I’m odd.
  14. I had to get my shoes pre-approved. I should’ve demanded to pre-approve the bride’s shoes.
  15. I know it’s trendy. But the string of lights through the olive grove was magical. Having antique-looking furniture through the olive grove was magical. Goats? That’s just quirky.
  16. Having the kids plates be just kid-friendly food and brought out before dinner was a great idea. Also the kid goody boxes were an awesome idea.
  17. Tornado E hated his trendy hipster outfit but decided it was ok later on.
  18. Tornado S was meant to carry a cool sign that read, “Here Comes the Brides.” We forgot about it until two minutes before we walked. Damn. (Delegate.)
  19. Tornado A kept asking me to dance with him.
  20. I forgot to get a picture with my boys. Damnit.
  21. I wish my best friend and her wife the most happiest of years. I wish that they weather the storms and enjoy the smooth sailing that comes after the storms. I wish them love.

What’s new?

I start a job and look what happens to my blogging. I knew it. I absolutely knew it.

I’m a long term sub, which means I can’t breathe the word “sub” or the kids will eat me for lunch. Luckily, I’m a tough meal to swallow. I’ve spent the last few days hammering the class back in to shape. With Fall Break next week, I expect my job will take longer. I’ve spent the last several nights thinking of how I can …. manage….my …..class…..

I’m teaching math. Not my strongest subject. But I’m an adult, so I do algebra every day. I can do this. I plan to just follow the book. “Make sure you follow the state standards,” remarked my principal. Dude, you know my background; you know my crappy (oh so very crappy, as in half of what a starting teacher makes) pay. I’ll follow the textbook because that should be effective since the school board picked it.

I’m hoping things will settle down and ease up. I hope I can do right by these kids.

Math?

“I can teach anything.”

My famous last words.

Literature, grammar, history, science, crafts- math?

Maybe not math.

I’m a words-person. I love stories. Math baffles me. It’s a foreign world to me.

Unless it’s in science. I can do formulas. Just not math.

My boys are numbers people. They love math. They get it from my mom and their dad.

I only felt like I master math once. In seventh grade. Not only did I get A’s, but I was confident enough to help my classmates to understand the concept. I was one of 7 kids to be ready for algebra in 8th grade.

It’s a good thing I excelled in 7th grade math because I was just offered a long term sub position teaching 7th grade math.

Time to open up the books and review.

Because I can teach anything.

Changes

So I got a job. As a teacher. But with a mandatory 8-5 schedule. Which is nice I am forced to work 40 hours. Which is horrible that I can’t be with my kids during the afternoon.

And then there’s the commute. Which in the grand scheme of things isn’t really that bad. It’s under an hour. Supposedly just over 30 minutes. But that’s another 30 minutes not being with the kids.

And then the next three weeks my parents, The Friendly Giant, and my grandma (AKA my first line of defense in childcare) will be gone. Yea. I nearly forgotten what it was like to not have a support network. No. I didn’t. It sucked. This sucks. I luckily still have a support network of awesome friends to help. Fingers crossed on the ex’s help.

So in four weeks, we’ll see how everything is going. Perhaps I’ll love this, and the boys will adjust fine, and everything will start getting better. Or not. Or I might be in a middle of a move to somewhere I have reservations about, but yea that place between a rock and a hard place.

So I’m going to dig in some time to write here and follow other bloggers. Because I need this space. And I like the bloggers I met so far. It would be nice to meet more.

So wish me luck. I’ll see you around.

I Get By With a Little Help from my Friends

In my tweet for my last post, I wrote “I get by with a little help from my friends.”  And I do.  Seriously.  I don’t know what I would do without my amazing friends.

I lean on several to get the stuff out of my head.  I talk for hours about my fears and troubles and craziness.  And they listen and give comfort and give advice.  They’re so amazing.  Sometimes I feel like I’m vomiting words, trying to make sense of my life and how I feel and what I will do, and then I apologize for monopolizing the conversations and (lately) always being a downer.  Because they are awesome, they tell me it’s ok and this is how they support me.

If that isn’t enough to have them lend their strength and wisdom, they try their best to take care of me.

My Favorite Freshman drove two hours to be with me on the night I learned of the ruling.  Every time she visits, she thrusts clothes and random stuff for the boys and me into my arms.  She insists on feeding me and donating to the inevitable garage sale coming my way.  She’s promised to drive two hours to sit for me if I ever need it.  Seriously, how lucky am I?  For Mother’s Day, she bought me a family pass to the zoo because “you need to be able to be the fun parent too.”

Another friend insisted on taking me out to the movies the other week because I needed to get out and have fun.  I tried to give her money for the ticket, and she waved it away with “it was my idea.”

I could not function without Wally and Cat.  I know if I needed them, any time of day, they would move heaven and earth to help me.

An old college friend messaged me out of the blue, asking to talk.  We hadn’t talked on the phone for years.  (Stupid Facebook for making us believe we know what was going on in other people’s lives.)  We talked for several hours, and whenever I tried to turn the conversation to her, she would insist that she called to hear about my life.  Then to top off her awesomeness, she sent me a cookbook for cooking for one or two servings.  I thanked her, and she told me she did it to honor my new life and it would give me a reason to stay in contact to tell her how the recipes taste.  And to think, when we met as freshmen in college, she thought I was a bitch and we would never get along.  (She was only half right.)

Then there’s the Unicorn.  Who Tornado A blacklisted on my phone, so we fell out of touch for a few weeks.  She’s so awesome.  I’m so happy for her, and her texts make me so happy.  Then she sent me a whole bunch of stickers and candy and salsa spice mixes.  Yea surprises!  Now if only I could get to the post office to mail all the stuff I’ve been hording for her.

I’m lucky to have more awesome friends.  I know there are several that if I just called, they would talk with me for hours as though time never passed, and if I needed anything, they would totally be there for me.  I told Wally I was blessed.  Then I laughed because I hate using the word “blessed.”

For a while, I felt really guilty for being so lucky.  Then one day it dawned on me that if roles were reversed, I would be doing the same thing.  Before I was poor, I was treating my friends out for dinners and movies and buying them little “smile” gifts.  Before I became really poor, I was sending stickers, cards, and presents when I could.  I look forward to the days I can do that again.  In the meantime, I’m always happy to listen and console.  I’m always happy to babysit and feed people.

Even though a lot of parts of my life suck right now, I’ve got this amazing group of people supporting me.  If I keep my eyes on the prize, nothing is going to stop me.