The Fourth Child

No, I’m not pregnant. Though the boys are lobbying hard for a fourth child. A girl, please, Mommy. A baby sister, please, Mommy.

Um, it doesn’t work that way.

Take the other night.

Tornado E: When are you going to have another baby?

Maybe, never. You kind of need a willing male partner for that. Or a sperm bank. But that’s a little complicated to go into with a 5yr old, a 8yr old, and a 10yr old.

Tornado E: I would like a baby sister.

Tornado S and Tornado A: Yeah.

Me: You have two little sisters.

One half and one step but sisters nonetheless.

Tornado S: But we want you to have a girl.

He gave me that adorable smile.

Me: Maybe one day. I’m very happy to have my three boys.

Tornado S: Did you know you were going to have three boys?

Me: It doesn’t work like that. But each one of you was wanted and planned.

Tornado S: So did you know you would have three kids?

I rubbed his nearly shaved head.

Me: Not at first. I did want four kids though.

Tornado A: That means a little girl!

Um, not yet. Your grandparents would kill me if I had a baby now, living at their house.

Tornado E: So when will you have another baby?

Me: I don’t know. I always seemed to get pregnant when everything is perfect in my life.

Tornado E: What if I’m 15?

God, I hope it doesn’t take until Tornado E‘s 15 to be settled and married and have a perfect little life to ruin with a baby.

Me: Then I guess you would be babysitting.

I rubbed his nearly shaved head.

Tornado S: I won’t be!

If Tornado E is 15 and two years older, then Tornado S would be 13. Legal babysitting age is 12.

Me: You would be too.

Pause.

Tornado S: Hmmm. I would be good at babysitting. I helped calmed down Tornado A today.

Me: You’re a good big brother.

I kissed his head.

I fear that once they figure out the mechanics of the whole thing, they’ll put me on Match.com or start a GoFundMe page to raise money for sperm. Lord help me.

We all want ice cream

Me: Where are you going?

Tornado E stood at the door, holding the door open.

Tornado E: We should get ice cream. You owe me ice cream.

Me: For what?

Tornado E: I got a 96% on my reading test.

Tornado S struggles with spelling test. A B gets him a candy bar. An A gets him ice cream. A 100% gets him any dessert at the French bakery. Half Tornado S’s problem is writing fast and neat.

Tornado E has no such problems. He has a laziness problem.

Me: Uh-huh.

Tornado E: And a while back I got 100% on my spell pre-test. So let’s get ice cream.

At this point, Tornado A was next to him smiling.

Me: And who’s paying?

Tornado A ran out of the room and ran back with his wallet.

Tornado A: I WILL!!!

He ran out the door. I ran after him.

Me: Wait! We have to eat dinner first! It’s ready in 5 minutes!

Thank goodness I had the keys. I think he would’ve left us all.

A Frozen Reference

Olaf: Knock. (pause) Just knock. (pause) Why isn’t she knocking? Do you think she knows how to knock?

We watch a lot of Frozen. It’s Tornado A’s favorite movie. Tornado A wants to be Elsa, which is adorable. I think it’s the white-blonde hair and the blue eyes. Plus her power is ice magic. Who wouldn’t want that? In the pool, I taught Tornado A to play Elsa by splashing water in the way Elsa sprays ice. And of course, I play Anna to Tornado A’s Elsa.

During Tornado S and Tornado A’s swim lesson, Tornado E and I watched Tornado S’s swim class jump off the low dive. One little girl was having trouble jumping off.

Tornado E: Jump. (pause) Just jump. (pause) Why isn’t she jumping?

Me: Do you think she knows how to jump?

Tornado E looked up at me with a large grin. I smiled back.

Dude, it’s so awesome to have someone get all your references. The benefit of parenting teaching kids to hate what you hate. I mean like. I don’t think we’ve watched that Simpson‘s episode yet.

Clever Boy

We were watching Tornado E’s karate class, when Tornado A noticed the woman in front of him was playing some sort of Bejeweled game with a Frozen theme.

Tornado A: That’s a cool game, Mommy.

Me: Yes.

Tornado A: Can we get it?

Me: I don’t know.  We’ll see.

Tornado A: I can get it.  I’ll sneak and get it tonight.

Me: What?

Tornado A: Tonight I will sneak out.  You will be reading, so I will sneak out to the car.  And I will get it then.

Me: What will you do at the car?

Tornado A: I can drive it.

Me: Oh.  How will you get the game?

Tornado A: I will sneak out and get it.

Me: Oh.

Tornado A: Do you have a tablet?

Me: (Dear Lord.) No.  I don’t.

Tornado A: Then I will get it on your phone.  It will have to be smaller.

Me: I love you, kid.

Tornado A: I love you too, Mommy.

Note to self: Hide the credit cards and block the app store on the phone.

A Baby Nerd

Just recently my town remembered it was winter, and the boys and I raced to throw on our favorite winter shirts.  Tornado A’s happens to be a shirt with a ruler with black-rim glasses.  It reads, “Nerds Rule!”  Between the Star Wars, dragons, fairy tales, science experiments, loads of books, and filling their heads with knowledge and questions, I’m raising nerds.  But as I have already explained to my boys, “nerds get things done” and “nerds love to learn.”

So one sort-of-cold day, Tornado A pulled out the shirt and shoved it into my hands.

Tornado A: I a baby nerd!

I laughed and helped him into his shirt.

Tornado A: I am a Tornado A Nerd!  Tornado E is a Tornado E Nerd!  Tornado S is a Tornado S Nerd!  I am a baby nerd!  And you are a mommy nerd!  (He paused and smiled.)  And we get things done!

God, I love this kid.

Tornado A: You’re a pretty nerd, mommy!

Yup, he’s my favorite.

A Baby Dragon

A couple of weeks ago we had handymen at our house finally fixing the leaks in the roof.  Tornado A is obsessed with all things tools.  Also all things baking and cooking.  But when someone pulls out a tool, Tornado A is right there to watch.  Same goes with the mixer or rattling of pots and pans.  While he is easily included in cooking, baking, and family repair projects, I have to keep him from underfoot when its professionals.  Luckily the kid is cute, and most handymen love children.

These men were no different.  When they caught Tornado A watching them, one of the men struck up a conversation with Tornado A.

Handyman: What’s your name?

Tornado A: Tornado A!

Handyman: Do you go to school?

Tornado A: Yes!

Handyman: Do you like it?

Tornado A: Yes!  It’s where my friends are!  What’s that?

Handyman: Oh, that’s a scraper.  We have to scrape off the plaster first.

Tornado A: Oh!  And what’s that?

Handyman: That’s to put plaster on.

Tornado A: Oh!

Handyman: Do you want to be a construction worker when you grow up?

Tornado A: No!  I grow up to be a baby dragon!

The handyman looked at me.  I smiled.  What can I say, he’s my kid.

A New Helmet

I’ve mentioned the boys got new bikes and helmets this Christmas.  Unfortunately for Tornado A, his helmet was too small.  What can I say?  The kid has a big head.  He comes from a big-headed family.  So off we went to Target.

In the bike helmet aisle, there were plain colored helmets and Lightning McQueen helmets and Mohawk helmets and a kitty helmet.

And it was the kitty helmet he wanted.

Want that one!

How about Lightning McQeen?

No!  Want that one!

How about a Mohawk with a pirate flag?

No!  Want that one!

Fine!

Many of you know I would never bat an eye at one of my sons wearing a pink helmet with kitty ears.  I didn’t know.  But Tornado A loves Lightning McQueen, and he loves red.  I just wondered if he saw them and thought about them.  Since he rejected them, cat helmet it is.

Put it on!

So he walked around Target like that, earning compliments and aww’s.  And he was stoked.

Tornado A: Mama, I getting a girl helmet!

Me: Why do you think it’s a girl helmet?

Tornado A: Because it is a kitty!  Meow!

Me: Boys like kitties too.  That helmet is for kids who like kitties.

Tornado A: Like me!  My helmet is for kids who like kitties!  Like me!

Damn, that kid is cute.