Anxieties and Accidents

I knew the separation was going to hit the boys hard.  Their daddy wasn’t going to be there in the middle of the night.  The Husband didn’t think it would be that bad.  Maybe an outburst or two.  He figured that they would be used to him going away for two weeks and being back for two weeks that this would be cake.

But it wasn’t.  They’ve been sniffing the air, testing it, knowing something isn’t quite right with their family.  Tornado E asked one day months ago, “Daddy, why do you make Mommy cry?”  Here we thought we were having our tough conversations with them tucked in bed asleep.  Or the day after The Husband decided we needed a separation.  Tornado E said, “Mommy, is Daddy going away to live in California forever?”  “No, Baby; he’d never leave you.”  Or later that day when Tornado S said this, “Daddy, you don’t go away.  We need you.  We ALL need you.”  This was months before we even decided on the official separation and before we even told them.  So yeah, I knew it would hit them hard.

It will be two weeks from tomorrow when we told them.  Tornado E has peed his pants once a day, if not twice, since then.  Tornado S is having accidents almost every day too.  I don’t know how I can reassure them any more.  We hug them and love them.  We whisper our love into their ears.  We’ve kept the Saturday Fun Day with the family going.  My mom gushes over them, holding them.  But the accidents keep happening.

Any suggestions?


Wet Accidents

We’ve been having a little trouble in the household lately.  By we, I mean, Tornado E and me.  Tornado E has been peeing his pants.  And I have been trying not to be so damn frustrated over it.  It’s been months since he’s had an accident, excluding the weekend The Husband was watching him.  Actually I can’t remember the last time he peed his pants.  Before if he had an accident, it was just a little because he couldn’t hold it any more, and I would send him into the bathroom to finish, and he would cry out of embarrassment and frustration.

Last week, he peed in his pants when we were at my parents’ house.  He came up to me nonchalantly and told me.  I removed his pants, scolding him, asking him why he did it, and put him in some spare underwear I carry just in case.  Accidents happen, right?

Then Sunday when we were at my grandma’s house, he peed his pants again.  With the same flippant attitude he told me.  I wanted to wring his neck.  Why, Tornado E?  Why?  Why didn’t you stop playing to go potty?  I checked the diaper bag to learn I forgot to replace the spare underwear and walked to my parents’ house to get into my car to pull out the spare spare underwear.  Apparently I forgot to replace those.  So he free balled it in some shorts.

Then Sunday night at my parents’ house, we were playing.  He was behind me as I sat on the couch, trying to reach Tornado S, so I would sit back, pressing my weight against him, mentioning what a soft but loud pillow grandma had.  Then I heard an “Uh-oh” followed by a warm, wet sensation on my back.  TORNADO E L-!!!!!  I swear to God I’m going to kill this child.  What were you thinking?  Why didn’t you go to the potty?  Why didn’t you listen to your body tell you went to the potty?  I had no spare underwear, pants, or shorts.  My mom suggested swimmers, but Tornado E jumped at that idea.  So I slapped on one of Tornado S’s diapers on him and took him home.

Yesterday I reminded him to use the bathroom all morning.  I sent him off to school.  I didn’t even think it would be a problem.  He’s never had an accident at school.  He would be too embarrassed.

And I would be wrong as the teacher beckoned me over and discreetly told me about Tornado E’s accident as she handed me a plastic bag of urine soaked clothes as Tornado E scurried out from between us with pants obviously too small for him.  Lord, help me.

We had a talk about it.  Again, he pleaded he was too busy playing.  I know this is a common issue for boys, but three accidents in two days?

I’m making him go every two hours, whether he wants to or not.  Mainly not.  I’m kicking myself for giving away my potty book because I read the whole thing and learned the program, why do I need it?  Famous last words, Fae.  Famous last words.

Could it be the new baby coming?  Possibly, but Tornado E is fascinated by babies.  He has to talk to them and their parents whenever he sees one.  He’s been carrying a baby doll around pretending to be Daddy.  But he does have his moments when he wants to be a baby, making whiny noises, flopping around when he doesn’t want to do something.  Then I remind him babies take two naps, babies eat baby food, and babies wear diapers.  That cures it.

Could it be The Husband has been gone for over a week and will be gone for at least one more, if not two?  Possibly, but The Husband has been gone for longer period of time without Tornado E having accidents.

So, yeah.  I have no idea.  Like every other parenting issue.

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Go back to start and don’t collect $200

Remember when you were a kid and you could not understand a concept.  No matter how hard you tried you could not get it.  Usually it was math that made me frustrated, especially algebra.  I would reread the lesson, do the problems with answers, check them to find that I didn’t get the right answer, knowing I couldn’t even attempt the problems without answers.  I would cry in sheer frustration.  I had issues with languages too.  Then in college I took a upper-level chemistry class that had no pre-requirements my freshmen year.  The class was about how drugs worked in the body, and I had to re-read chapters several times to make sense of anything.  I was ready to beat my head on the concrete dorm wall.

Now I’m back to wanting to either cry or beat my head.  Evan’s having accidents.  Twice a week now.  We went months (MONTHS) without an accident.  I thought he had it with the occasional naptime accident and pull ups at night.  I was thinking we’re out in the clear, just need to get to Sean in six months or more (probably the more part). 

I understand the occasional accident because you didn’t want to miss a part in the movie or you didn’t want to go into a strange store bathroom, but most of these have occurred when he’s playing by himself.  It’s not like he hasn’t taken his toys in the bathroom before to play as he used the potty.  It began just once a week about a month ago.  Then the last two weeks it’s been twice a week.  I feel like I’m at my wits end.

I don’t want to embarrass him or make his shameful.  I have to bite my tongue before I say the first bitter thing that would fly out of my mouth and insert a hefty psychological bill one day.  I started making him clean it up with my help, not letting him play until it was done.  Now I guess I’ll just retreat a few steps and start having him sit on the potty every hour on the hour just to make sure.

Any suggestions?

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