That sucks

Tornado A and I were grocery shopping, and we were at our final store.  We were at the organic food store because I was picking up stuff to make miso soup.  Mmmm.  Miso soup.  I figured it would be a great snack for me.  And the store had tofu on sale.  Score.

When we got to the refrigerated section, the tofu on sale was gone.  All of it.  Every kind.  Gone.  All that was left was the stuff not on sale.  Three times more expensive.  Ah damn.  I bent over and looked down the shelf to be sure.  Hoping.  And-

Me: That sucks.  Oh that sucks.

I stood up and shook my head.

Me: Man, that sucks so bad.  Just sucks.

I was so disappointed.

Tornado A: Sucks!

What?!

Tornado A: Sucks!

Nonononono!

Tornado A: Sucks!

Me: No, Tornado A.  Stinks.

Tornado A: Sucks!

Me: Stinks!

Tornado A: (laughing) Sucks!

Oh, no.  I’m in so much trouble.

Tornado A: (laughing) Sucks!  Sucks!  Sucks!

So much trouble.

Distraction!

Me: (singing softly with the store music) Who’s trippin’ down the streets of the city?  Smiling at ev-

Tornado A: SUCKS!

By now, we’re were nearing the cash register.

Me: Tornado A!  Wanna go to the bread store?

Tornado A: WAY!!!

Me: Ok!  Let’s buy these real quick and go get bread!

Tornado A: WAY!!!

Shoo.  God, I’m such a bad mother.

Tornado E Mad Libs

A week or so, I called The Husband a sucker in front of the boys.  Tornado E had just conned his daddy to leave work early to go swimming.  The Husband had been complaining all day about how much work he had to do, but all it took was a few “come on”s, and the husband was ready to go.  I laughed and wiggled my pinky at him.

Me: He’s such a sucker.

Tornado E: What’s a sucker?

Me: Someone who is easily sucked in.  You can sell them anything.

Tornado E: So Daddy’s a sucker?

Me: It’s a grown-up word for grown-ups to use.

Damn.  This is going to bite me in the ass.

A few days ago, while at my grandma’s house for dinner, we were exploring the back yard with the boys.  Uncle M and Tornado E found a dead bug.

Tornado E: That bug sucks.

Uncle M: What?!

Tornado E: That bug is a sucker because he’s dead.   He sucks.

Uncle M looked around for me, for my mom, for any adult to get him out of the situation.

Uncle M: Fae!  Do you know what your son said?

My mom and I listened carefully.

Crap.  He got that from me.  He figured it out.  Crap.

My mom: Tornado E.  We don’t use the word suck.  We use the words like dirty, yucky, icky.  So that bug is icky.

Tornado E: That bug is dirty.

My mom: That’s right.  The bug is dirty.

Tornado E: Did you know Mommy called Daddy dirty?

The Husband: You did?

Me: (whispering) No, I called you a sucker.

Tornado E: Mommy said Daddy was dirty.

And give you Tornado E Mad Libs.  That kid is too smart for his own good.

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Learning new words

I’m going to be called in to the principal’s office later this year.  I know it.

I recently found out that Tornado E was calling his Papi “jerk” as a term of endearment.  Apparently, Tornado E heard his grandma calling Papi that and automatically assumed it was a pet name.  That it is for my mom is not the issue.  The fact is my son has learned the word jerk.

Ms. Principal, I would like to introduce my mother, who is responsible for Tornado E’s language.

To make matters worse, I caught Tornado E saying the f-word.  He was upset, and it popped out of his mouth.  The world went silent as my brain try to understand what exactly happened.

When I finally recovered my wits, I took Tornado E aside and explained how that was a bad word, that we have so many good words to use that we didn’t need to say it, and how we should never use words we don’t know what they mean.

Last weekend, Tornado E told us that his daddy wasn’t nice.

The Husband was hurt by this and wanted to know why.  I can list off a whole list of broken promises, refusals on childish demands, the rare spankings.

Tornado E told us in his quietest voice that Daddy wasn’t nice because he said f-.

While my husband sat there astonished by the turn of events, I was ecstatic.  Tornado E understood that using that word was a poor choice.

Then Tornado E used it yesterday.

Ms. Principal, I would like to introduce the boy’s father, who is responsible for Tornado E’s colorful language.

Last weekend we were at an adult party, which we stopped in for an hour with the kids because we had no babysitter in CA.  The boys amused the adults with songs, conversations, and games.

As I talked to another woman, Tornado S pointed to a dog figurine and said “A damn dog!”

Crap.

I tried to ignore it, hoping that he spoke in toddler-speak.

Instead, the woman looked at me and asked, “Did he just say what I thought he said?”

I nodded.

She, being a mother as well, nodded and said, “The Husband.”

Not ten minutes later, Tornado E said, “Where’s the damn ball?”

Double crap.

Another discussion of bad words versus good words.

Maybe I should just send The Husband to explain the language problem.

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