Stories

Sometimes I worry about how the boys will feel about the blog. How will they feel about embarrassing stories of their toddlerhood. How will they feel about the private becoming public. How will they feel about The Penis Rules section.

We were sitting down for dinner when Tornado A asked for a baby story about Tornado E. I told one, and they all laughed. Then he asked for one about Tornado S. I told one, and they all laugh. Then he asked for one about him. I told one, and they all laughed.

Then Tornado S asked for one about him. And I told one, and they laughed. So Tornado E asked me a story about him, and I told one. They laughed. Then Tornado A asked for a story about him. I told one, and they all laugh.

I must have told a dozen or more stories with promises of more. So, my little tornadoes, your memories are saved online for you and all the world to read when they want.

 

Good luck with that.

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Oh, you can see me.

I’m not anonymous anymore.

Well, not really.

(Ok, so I was out two years ago by some crazy ex-employee of the ex.  But no one goes looking at that thread on some crazy “report” site.  That’s not really what I’m talking about.)

It’s the boys and their names.  You type in their names, and the blog comes up on the first page.  You type in their names and Arizona or blog, and the blog comes up first page.  So if you know me and that I wrote a blog and you know my boys’ names, it is stumbling easy to find the blog.

I’m not sure how I feel about this.

When I first started the blog, I did some research on other blogs and what they did for their children’s names.  Then I did a search on Tornado E and Tornado S.  It was a popular combination of boys names.  But when you add Tornado A, well, you get a more unique combination.  No one has three children any more or are graced with three boys.

This only comes up because I’m a pretty private person online.  (Except I used my real name and photo on Pinterest)  My Facebook is pretty locked-down tight.  I didn’t use my real name to set this up or the Twitter account.  I’m annoyed how easily it is to get my address online.  The only things I want to come up online is any writing with my name on it.  Ok, it’s also cool that I’m still up for a panel discussion I did years ago at my alma mater.  (And Pinterest.  Not sure how I feel about that.)

I only think about my privacy because I had a stalker in my past (and we all pray he stays in my past) and that one day I’ll be teaching high schoolers.  Tech-savvy high schoolers.  My only hope is that they are so self-absorbed in their own worlds that they never think to research into my life.

Also I plan never to say anything negative about them in a public forum, so if I’m recorded, I’m not in trouble.  I mean that’s just common sense.

But the question is how far do I go to reveal my life.  How much can I be an open book when I know just possibly someone I know might fine the blog and look threw it, learning things that I didn’t want said person to know.  But then I did make a public blog.

That question came to mind when I realized I’m holding a lot of secrets, and the ones that hurt the most are not even mine.  I realized those secrets aren’t my burden.  I’m not the one who has to be ashamed.  So I decided I’m not going to keep them.  It’s not like I plan on running around screaming them, but I’m not going to protect them any more.  If the conversation ever turns to those secrets, I’ll tell the truth.  Every time I do that I will be true to myself and take another step towards healing.

So there.  I’m easily to find under this name with the right information, and I, like every other person on the planet, has secrets.  Somehow I have to figure out how much of my mask and armor do I take off to be in this space.

A Little Nostalgia

Do you know what happened last week? 

I was so excited about it two weeks ago.  Then it came and went like a shadow.  It was days later that I realized the date I had been anticipating was gone.

Last week I had my first blog anniversary!

While I love Gibby’s, at LOST in Suburban Bliss, idea of reposting a first post, I couldn’t repost my first post.  Because it sucked.  I even made fun of how much it sucked.  I decided to do what every other blogger does on an anniversary, look back and marvel.

I read an article about Heather Armstrong from Dooce.com and how she and husband can be at home because her blog brought in that much money.  I was curious.  I started reading Ms. Armstrong’s blog, and I was hooked.  She was funny, insightful and brilliant.  Not only was I hooked, but I knew I could do this.  I could write a blog.  I thought, heck, my kid id just as funny, and I have two.  After a few days of researching, I settled on WordPress.com.  I made this blog my birthday present to myself.

I missed writing.  I missed sitting down and working out a tangle dream, hunting the right words, forcing language to do my will, paint a character, a scene, a story.  With the boys, I never had enough time to sweat out a piece of work.  I hardly had time to follow a muse.  I felt something shriveling up in my soul.

But then I started writing.  I became alive.  Relying on age-old writing advice, I read more than I wrote, trolling WordPress for inspiration.  I remember falling in love for the first time with a blog.  Bad Mommy Momments had me at Pervy Mc. Perv.  And I  loved her. 

Since then I have fallen in love with so many blogs.  Slowly I had only time for the blogs I loved, mainly other mommy bloggers.  I relish the little details of those lives, hungry for those scenes, those people, always looking for another person.  I realized we were making our own web.  I came to feel like I knew these women, wanting to actually meet them one day.  I talked about them the way I talked about my friends and family, just I had to give crazier nicknames to make people understand who NDM or Ink or insider53 or Court or any of the other dozen women were. 

Often my mom would say, “Is that the mom with the two adorable girls the boys age or is she the mom with three boys?”  or “Now she has the twin girls, right?” or “This is the one in the Bay area?”  Yeah, Mom, she’s the one and . . . .

I’m amazed at what I have found.  I have found my voice, and I find myself using my Thesaurus more and more like a real writer.  I have found heroes, teachers, and friends.  I have found wisdom and laughter.  I have found a place where I know that no matter how much I doubt, no matter how stupid I act, no matter how nerdy I am, there are other people that understand.

So Thank You for reading.

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An Award

Ok, I got this award like two weeks ago from C on A Mother’s Walk.  (C, I’m sorry if it took so long to do it; I promise I’m honored.)  It was a bit of a thrill because who’d a thought any one would read this blog.  (now I’m completely addicted to the blog stats, and you people can ruin my self esteem.)  Since C and I read a lot of the same blogs and I’m a complete rebel, I plan on nominating the same people.  So there.  That and I’m setting an automatic publishing date, so I won’t probably tell people until Monday.  So double there.

 

This award comes with a few rules: Put the logo on your blog or post. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show GREAT ATTITUDE and/or GRATITUDE! Be sure to link to your nominees within your post. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

 

Ck – I’m so completely jealous of her writing style.  One post, and you’re hooked.

 

Lindsey – I think she’s my only non-mommy-blog.  But her arguments and points are incredible.  I’m not sure how she is so smart.

 

Commonterri – Funny and very sweet.

 

Holeycheese – She’s funny and neat.

 

Evenshine – Intelligent and funny.

 

Incognito Mom – Another funny mom who has one of the cutest boys.

 

Court – A darling blog that is humorous and cute.

 

Not Drowning, Mothering – I never drink anything when I read her blog in fear that it’ll come out my nose.

 

Outside Voice – She’s funny, insightful, and super smart.

 

The Mediocre Perfectionist – A busy and funny mom.

 

Steph – Amusing blog about raising kids in rural Georgia.

 

The World According to Me – She has four daughters!  The material is endless!

 

Writing at Naptime – Another super smart and super funny mom.

 

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