Gravel

Reported by my mom

Tornado E was watching TV on my parents’ bed as my mom read.

Tornado E: Grandma, why do I have gravel here?

Grandma: (looking up from her book) What, hun?

Tornado E: Why do I have gravel here?

Grandma: (Looking where he has his hands) Babe, that’s not gravel.  That’s your testes.

Tornado E: Oh.  So what are they for?

Grandma: Um.  Ask your mom.

Thanks, Mom.

My dad said they’re to keep a man balanced.

What would you answer?

Shake it, baby, shake it.

We went to story time at our local library today.  They did all kinds of songs and games between stories to keep the kids enthused and aware.  One of those games was with a bean bag, which all the kids got one to do the game and sing the song.  Later when we were home, Tornado E found some rattles and handed me one to play the bean bag game, but he called it baggy game.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by your head!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Now shake it by your toes!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Now shake it by your elbow!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by your wrist!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by your shoulder!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Now shake it by your knee!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it . . . by . . . the chair!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by the car!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by Tornado S!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it at the green chair!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by the toys!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by the baby dragon!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by the faery!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by the blue chair!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by your head!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by your back!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Shake it by your belly!

 

I shake.

 

Tornado E: Now shake it by your penis!

 

I’m laughing rolling on the floor trying to shake the rattle.

 

Tornado E: (giving me that tilted-like-a-dog-confused-by-a-human look) Mommy, you don’t have a penis.  You have a ‘gina!  Shake it by your ‘gina!

 

I laugh harder, but I am pleased that after two dozen discussions over what girls have and what boys have, it finally sunk in.

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A Biology Lesson or what did you just call it?

Tornado E: I have a penis!

 

Me: That’s right.  You’re a boy, and boys have penises.

 

Tornado E: I’m a boy!  I have a penis!  Mommy, you have a penis!

 

Me: No, Mommy doesn’t have a penis.  Tornado E has a penis.  Mommy is a girl.  She has a vagina.

 

Tornado E: Mommy has a gina!  I have a gina!

 

Me: No, you don’t have a vagina.  You’re a boy; you have a penis.  I’m a girl; I have a vagina.

 

Tornado E: No, I have a gina!  Mommy has a gina!  I have a gina!

 

Me: You have a penis.  Mommy has a gina.

 

Tornado E: Mommy has a gina!  I have a gina!

 

Me: Boys have penises.  You have a penis.

 

Tornado E: Boys have ginas!  I have a gina. 

 

Me: (Sigh) You know you have a penis.  You were playing with it today.

 

Tornado E: I was tickling it.  It’s called a gina!

 

Me: Boys have penises.  And you know it.  You’re being silly.

 

Tornado E: No, you’re being silly!

 

Me: (aha!) No, you’re being silly.

 

Tornado E: No, you’re being silly!

 

Me: You’re being funny.

 

Tornado E: You’re being funny!

 

Me: I love you.

 

Tornado E: I love you!

 

Me: Tornado E is the sweetest boy.

 

Tornado E: Mommy is the sweetest boy!  And Tornado S is the sweetest baby!

 

When you’re in the middle of a debate with a toddler, you don’t want to back down because you have a very important point to make.  Sometimes it’s just easier to guide the conversation somewhere else.

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