Ho Ho

For some reason unknown to us, Tornado S has decided to call Santa, Ho Ho.  As in:

It’s Ho Ho!

What’s Ho Ho doing?

Ho Ho is flying!

There’s Ho Ho!

But Tornado E could do with out.

Tornado E: I don’t like Santa Claus.

The Husband: Why not?  He’ll bring you presents when you’re a good boy.

Tornado E: I like the presents.  I just don’t like Santa Claus.

Maybe it has to do with the fact my uncle dressed up as Santa last year for the kids, and it scared Tornado E senseless.

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The Activity Scene

When I was a child, I was fascinated by Nativity Scenes.  It was a natural call because I loved doll houses, miniatures, and the Virgin.  This combined all natural things.  Though my mother’s set was plastic, we were not allowed to touch it.  Until my brother dared, placing The Three Wise Men on the other side of the room because really they weren’t suppose to be there until January 6th.  This upset me because my brother dared to touch the one thing I wanted to touch but couldn’t break the rules and two The Wise Men didn’t even show up for two more years.  How’s that for accuracy?  Those first years of the new tradition I fought it tooth and nail, moving The Wise Men back to the stable after my brother left the room.  The blood spilt from that religious crusade was ended when my mother declared that she liked my brother’s idea.

When I set up my own house, my mother bought me a real Nativity set, one with kings and shepherds instead of just the Holy Family.  While I loved the set, I felt I could do better.  I searched high and low for the perfect set, always examining The Virgin for the perfect mother.  I found a really cool stable first.  A year later, I found the perfect set.  Mary looked down with love and joy on her baby.  Joseph looked protective and proud as he looked down at his wife and child.  The detail on all the characters was amazing.  The poor donkey was still loaded with supplies, left alone in the rush to deliver the baby.

This was the first year Tornado E noticed it.  He learned all about it at school, though he calls it an Activity Scene.  Yeah, I know I feel like a bad Catholic.  So it didn’t surprise me when he asked to see it as I have it up far above their reach.

So I handed him a Wise Man. Tornado S asked to see one.  So I handed him a Wise Man.  Then Tornado E asked to see another figure.  I took the Wise Man out of his hand and gave him another.  Tornado S asked to see another figure, and I replaced the one he was holding with another figure, explaining what each person was.  We finished the set, except for poor Mary.

In the end, Tornado S had a Wise Man, and Tornado E had Joseph. Tornado E placed Joseph next to the Wise Man.

Tornado E: Hi!  I’m Joseph!  Who are you?

Tornado S: I bad guy.

Tornado S clinked the figurines together.

Me: No.  No hitting the people together.

Tornado E: If you’re a bad guy. . . .

Tornado E hit Joseph against the Wise Man, sending the container of myrrh a foot away.

Yeah, I should have seen that coming.  I collected the figures and sent the boys away as I glued the myrrh back into the hands of the Wise Man.  So concluded our religious and Christmas discussions.

Of course, Tornado E is asking where the baby is.

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This Post Was Interrupted by an Insane Rant

How many days until Christmas?!!!!!

UGH!!!!

Are you kidding me?!

No, I’m not done with any of the gift shopping, gift making, and the damn gift wrapping.

I’m patiently waiting for the Christmas bonus from The Husband.  Here, let me check the bank account.

Yup.  Nothing. 

The problem is I’m a planner.  I like getting things done early.  Perhaps just on time.  On time for Christmas is at least three days before Christmas have everything wrapped and ready to go.

At one time, I was one of those people that had all my shopping done before Thanksgiving because I HATE shopping with the crowds.   But as we draw closer, I’m getting nervous. 

Not to mention, I was hoping to internet shop, which means I need to make sure things are shipped on time.  Last year, one of the presents barely made it in time, being delivered at 10 am Dec 24th.  The Husband was already sent out to buy an alternative present.

So excuse me as I ran around screaming and pulling my hair.

I should be more sane tomorrow.

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Theotokos

Theotokos

 

Many passed her, in the teaming market place, not looking twice.

Only a few glanced at her to ponder her remarkable youth; her

Tranquility; her innocent, large, coffee-colored eyes.

Her hip carried a sweet, chubby baby boy.  His coffee-colored

Eyes observed the chaotic world as he gripped his mother’s blue veil,

Revealing all mysteries begin with a Son and His Mother.

 

 

 

 

 

Inspired to finally put this in words by Bad Mommy Moments

 

 

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The First Christmas according to Faemom

Many years ago, an angel appeared to a woman named Mary, telling her she would give birth to a son.  Mary married Joseph, and they had to take a trip to Bethlehem.

 

Because Mary was going to have a baby, she rode a donkey.  Joseph walked by her side.

 

When they came to Bethlehem, they looked for a place to stay, but there were too many people.  There was no room for Mary and Joseph.

 

Finally an innkeeper said they could stay in his stable.  Joseph made a soft bed for Mary.

 

During the night, Mary’s baby was born.  She wrapped him in soft clothes and laid him in a manger.  She named him Jesus.

 

In the field, not far away, there were shepherds watching their sheep.  Suddenly an angel appeared.  The shepherds were afraid.

 

The angel said, “Do not be afraid.  I have good news!  A Savior has been born in Bethlehem.  You will find him lying in a manger.”

 

Then many angels appeared.  They said, “Glory to God in the highest.  And on earth, peace, good will toward men.”

 

When the angels left, the shepherds ran to Bethlehem, looking for the Savior.

 

The shepherds found Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  They told everyone about the angels and Jesus.

 

Christmas was the day Jesus our Savior was born to Mary in Bethlehem.

 

*                                              *                                      *

This is my version for the boys as promised earlier when I complained about the board book.  I have always believed you shouldn’t complain, unless you could do better.  

The Perfect Present: Or how important is this stupid toy?

Our agents are currently busy helping other customers.  Please hold on because we are answering calls in the order we receive them.

 

A week ago we received my husband’s Christmas bonus, and I was dying to spend it.  For a month I had been checking on various Lego products searching for the perfect gift Sean.  Sean enjoys playing with our one Duplo boy, putting and taking him in and out of Evan’s police vehicles.  He’ll sit playing with the little boy for a half an hour which is like two hours in toddler time.  He needs more of these characters.

 

For weeks I debated which ones to buy him.  There was the awesome zoo vehicle set with two cars, two people and several animals, but it turns out that hadn’t been made for a while because people were charging twice the amount.  There was the police station with a car, a policeman, and a bad guy, but something about giving an 18 month a bad guy just didn’t sit well with me.  I finally decided to buy the police boat kit with two boats and four policemen.  Perfect.

 

But first I wanted to check the stores so that I could get around the shipping and handling fees.  Wal-Mart?  No.  Target?  No.  Toys ‘r’ us?  Nope.  The Lego Store?  Surprisingly no, though they had several police stations.  But the boat was cheaper with more men.

 

So last week, the morning after my husband placed the money in my hands, I went online to order the police boat.  When I went to click on the “add” button, instead there was a little note asking me to call for availability.

 

WHAT?!

 

Call who?  What number?  WHAT?

 

Is worth it?  Is it worth tracking down a toy that I don’t know if he’ll even want it?  As I debated I watched Sean put the little man back into the police car.  Yes.

 

I scrolled down the page, looking for any sign of a 1-800 number, finding one in tiny print at the bottom of the page.

 

Our agents are currently busy helping other customers.  Please hold on because we are answering calls in the order we receive them.

 

Looking at the clock, I wondered how long this would take as I was wasting valuable shower time.  We had to go to Wal-Mart that day, and as you know, every minute is precious to get there before the crowds.  I mean we really needed to go because we needed Kleenex for running noses, art supplies for presents, and toys for Santa.  Damn.  How long will I have to be on hold?

 

Our agents are currently busy helping other customers.  Please hold on because we are answering calls in the order we receive them.

 

Hmm, I can’t place that song.

 

Ring.  Ring. Click.

 

No!  No!  They didn’t just hang up on me.  You didn’t just hang up on me!  I looked at the phone.  5 minutes and 40 seconds.  No!

 

Is it worth it?  Is this toy worth it?  I imagine Sean’s face on Christmas morning.

 

Where’s that number again?

 

Our agents are currently busy helping other customers.  Please hold on because we are answering calls in the order we receive them.

 

Look, we need Tootles.  Oh, Tootles!

 

It’s “The Girl from Ipanema.”  Good song.  I dance around the house.  Thank God this isn’t a health emergency and that I don’t have a baby crying demanding something.  It could be worse. 

 

Our agents are currently busy helping other customers.  Please hold on because we are answering calls in the order we receive them.

 

Sean will be so excited about this toy.  He’ll push the boats around the family room as the skid on the carpet.  He’ll play with the police men.  I wonder if I should get him some police cars like Evan’s or if Evan is still content to share.  We could always use more cars in the house.  What else do I need to get at Wal-Mart?  I look over the shopping list as well as the day’s to-do list.

 

Here, Sean.  Do you want some juice?  No, Evan, that’s Sean’s jui-

 

Ring.  Ring.

 

Hello, this is Steve.  Can I assist you in a purchase?

 

Me: Only if you have it.

 

Steve: All right.  Do you have the product number?

 

Me: 12345

 

Steve: 12345?  The Police Boat?

 

Me: Yup.

 

Steve: It says “Call for availability.”  (Duh)  You’ll have to call our customer service department.  (What?)  Would you like that number?

 

Me: Sure, why not?

 

Steve: It’s 1-800-*********.  Is there anything else I can do for you?

 

Me: Nope.

 

Steve: Thank you for choosing Lego.

My pleasure.  Click.

 

Is it worth it?  Thirteen minutes, nearly half my “me” time.  I could just go get the police station.  It’s not like Sean knows about the boat or the car.  I scanned the website again, clicking on the customer service button.  But the boat actually has better reviews.  It has more police men.  What’s one more phone call?

 

Our agents are currently busy helping other customers.  Please hold on because we are answering calls in the order we receive them.

 

Ring.  Ring.

 

Lego Customer Service Department.  This is Carol.  How can I help you?

 

Me: Well, I’m checking on availability of a product.

 

Carol: I can assist you with that.  May I have the product number?

 

Me: 12345.

 

Carol: 12345?  The Police Boat?

 

Me: Yes.

 

Carol: It says there are two left.  (Pause for a cheer.)

 

Me: (Too stunned to cheer) How can I buy it?  Who can I call?

 

Carol: I can assist you with that. 

 

Me: Really?  That’s awesome.  Thank you.

 

Carol: No problem.  Have you shopped with us before?

 

Me: No.  (a few minutes to take the information)

 

Carol: Now it is possible that this item may have been sold out in the last hour, and the computer may not have updated the inventory.

 

Me: (Damn.  I forgot what I learned in my years of retail.  Computers lie.)  When will I find that out?

 

Carol: Two days.  We won’t charge you unless it’s shipped.

 

Me: And how long will it take to ship?

 

Carol: To California?  Five to seven business days.

 

Me: Well, ok, thank you.

 

Carol: Thank you.

 

Click.

 

So for the last four days I have waited for the dreaded email of apology, debating how I can slip away to the Lego Store to buy a police station and a box of Duplos for Evan.  I obsessively checked my email all weekend, knowing that that they didn’t work on weekend.  I debated the whole idea of the police boat kit, checking my bank account to see if I’ve been charged. 

 

Today this was in the inbox:

 

 

Your LEGO Order has Shipped

 

Let’s just hope we get it before Saturday as I didn’t have the heart to tell Carol that I needed it shipped to my parents’ house where Santa is going.

 

 

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Never Tell a Three-year-old a Secret

NOTE: If you’re my husband and you’re actually reading this post, you should do the right thing and not read this until after Christmas. 

 

 

So as Christmas is fast approaching, I decided to let Evan get in on the act of gift giving.  Since my husband and I agreed to keep our gift exchange to a small amount (which knowing my husband will throw out the budget and get me something nice to make me feel like a chump on Christmas), I decided Evan and Sean could give my husband one of the small gifts I had already purchased some time ago.  So I entered the room carrying Sand Diego Chargers car decorations and a couple of wind up sushi toys.  (All my favorite people get toys at one time or another as gifts.)

 

Me: Evan, which one do you want to give to Daddy?  The Chargers or the sushi?

 

Evan: The Sushi!!!!!  (He nearly jumped three feet high with excitement.)

 

Me: (Bending down on one knee to look him in the eye) Ok, Evan, you and Seanny will give Daddy the sushi for Christmas.  But it’s a surprise.  It’s a secret.  Shh.  We can’t tell Daddy because we want him to be surprised on Christmas, ok?

 

Evan: (Looking at the sushi) Ok, Mommy.

 

Me: Remember, it’s a secret.  Shh.  We can’t tell Daddy. 

 

The boys followed me to where I stash the presents, which probably wasn’t the smartest move, since their presents are in the same place.  But I figured what would they remember.  I don’t even think Evan fully comprehends what’s going to happen on Christmas.

 

Later that day, my husband came home.  Evan ran to him.

 

Evan: Guess what, Daddy?!!!  We got you SUSHI!!!!

 

Me: (In the other room, running) NOOOOOO!!

 

Evan: Come on, Daddy!  Let’s show you the sushi!

 

Me: (bursting in the room and landing on my knees to look Evan in the eye) No, Evan, we don’t tell Daddy what he’s getting for Christmas.  It’s a secret.  Shhh.  It’s a surprise.  We can’t tell Daddy.  Shh.

 

Evan: It’s a secret, Daddy.  We got you sushi.  I’ll show you.

 

Me: No!  We don’t show Daddy.  It’s a SE-CRET!  Shhhh!

 

My husband: (laughing) Don’t worry.  I’m sure you didn’t buy me toy sushi.

Me: (laughing) Of course not.  Evan, do you want to play tiger fights with Daddy and show him your new Kung Fu Panda moves?

 

Evan: Come on, Daddy, let’s do tiger fights!  Let’s go to your bed and do tiger fights!

 

My husband: (still laughing) Now I know who not to tell secrets to.

 

Me: So I misjudged; go get your butt kicked by Tai Lung.

 

 

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