Guess who scolded me as I giggled at the sixth joke of my dad’s as the priest asked us to renounce Satan and all his works. (For non-Catholics, it’s standard Catholic practice to renew our Confirmation vows. Not that I ever knew anyone who would say he DIDN’T reject Satan, but I do wonder what would happen if there was a loud no among the mumbled “I do’s”.)
a. Grandma-The Catholic Matriarch,
b. My Mom-The Catholic Matriarch in training, who hasn’t stepped inside the church for three months, so is naturally embarrassed that her daughter is going more frequent.
c. My Aunt- Who hasn’t been to church since my Grandpa’s funeral and thinks she’s a better Catholic for respecting the Church’s rule not to take communion due to her second marriage.
d. My Husband- The non-Catholic, who worries what other people think.
The answer is below and may just surprise you.
An Easter Test with Answers
How many nights of five hours of broken sleep make me slightly delusional in the morning? 5
Does being slightly delusional make my driving impaired? No. Because I know the penguins aren’t real and they use cross-walks.
How many times did Tornado E ask for more candy in the half an hour before leaving for church? 6
How many candies did I let a three-year-old eat before church? 3
How many times did my husband ask why we were going to sunrise mass? 3
How many times did he ask when sunrise mass was before Sunday morning? 0
Who was the most energetic person at 5:15am? Tornado E
How many tries did it take to get Tornado S out of bed? 3
How long does a shower need to be to wake someone up at 4:45 am? 15 minutes
How many times do I have to tell myself to wake up in the shower? 5 “Come on, wake up. You can do this. Wake up. Remember the night you had two hours of sleep because you had to go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show the night before Easter and THEN wash and curl your hair. Wake up. That a girl. Wake up. This is nothing. Wake up.”
When does a mom look cute when she has bags under her eyes? When she is holding an infant, not when she has children big enough to stand on their own.
Which loud toys should you never bring to church? All toys as they are instantly made loud when handed to a child, especially when Tornado S has a matchbox car.
Who should never ever sit by when you’re slightly delusional? My dad because he loves an audience.
The answer to the pop quiz is D, my husband. As the priest drenched us with holy water, as my dad cracked jokes, as I was about to say, “People three persons deep from the edge will get wet,” my husband whispered sternly in my ear, “If you don’t take this seriously, than neither will your boys.” He’s just lucky I didn’t dissolve in a fit of mad laughter.
It was a beautiful service though my dad and I don’t remember what was said.