But how do they know?

Tornado E: But I want a baby girl!

Me: Why?

Tornado E: Because I want to dance with her when she gets older!

Awww!

Me: Well, it’s probably going to be a baby boy.

Tornado E: How can you tell?

Me: Well, the doctor took a special camera and looked.  She’s pretty sure it’s a boy.

The Husband: Probably?  Pretty sure?

Me: Shut up.  They make mistakes.

Ok, maybe I’m not as resigned to this boy thing as I pretend to be.

But the next person to ask if I’m disappointed, I’ll punch in the face.  Luckily they have only asked my mom, who waves them off with a “Of course not, she’s having a baby.”  But then Christmas is coming with all that family.  This may be an interesting family get-together.

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The Telling of Tornado S

I couldn’t believe it.  I just couldn’t believe it.  How could we have gotten pregnant this month?  We did it one time, and I was so sure it was after the ovulation.  It was- Crap, The Husband is going to be so upset.  If I’m pregnant now, then the baby will be due in- Oh, Tornado E won’t even be two yet.  Not even near potty trained.  Maybe he’ll be sleeping through the night by then.  Ha.

I walked down the stairs to find The Husband and Tornado E playing with blocks.

The Husband: Well?

Me: Yes.

The Husband jumped up and kissed me.

The Husband: Wait here!

He ran out of the room.  He came back with his hands behind his back.

The Husband: I had a feeling you were, so I got you this.

He pulled out a jewelry box.  Opening it, I found a necklace with a six sapphires circling a diamond, making the shape of a flower.  The Husband beamed.

The Husband: It’s real.  Not fake.

I rolled my eyes.  Like I cared.

Me: Thank you.  It’s just hard to imagine we’re pregnant already.

The Husband: You know me and my super sperm.

I rolled my eyes again.

The Husband: So when did it happen?

Me: At my parents’ house.

The Husband: (all smirk off his face) WHAT?!  Your mom is going to figure that out, and your dad is going to KILL me.

Me: We’re married, you know.

The Husband: If they figure it out, you have to tell them the truth.  You have to tell them it was all your idea.  I had nothing to do with it.

Me: You had a little to do with it.

The Husband: It was all your idea.

Me: Yes, it was.

The Husband: (handing me the phone) You should call your mom.

Me: Thank you.  Should I tell her it was all my idea.

The Husband: Not until she asks.

Me: Ha.

I dialed.

My Dad: Hello?

Me: Hi, Dad!  How are you?

My Dad: Pretty good.  How are you?

Me: I’m fine.

My Dad: Just fine?

Me: It’s been a rough morning.  Hey. Is Mom there?

My Dad: No, she’s out with a friend.

Me: WHAT? Again!

My Dad: What did you need, sweetheart?

Me: Nothin’.  I’m just pregnant again.

My Dad: So soon?

From the back ground, The Friendly Giant: What? Is she knocked up again?

Me: Tell him I prefer the term preggers.

My Dad: (aside) Your sister is a little annoyed with you.  So congratulations.

Me: You starting on the right foot this time, Dad?

My Dad: I don’t want your mom to yell at me again.

Me: Ha.

My Dad: So I’ll have her call you when she gets in.

Me: You don’t want to tell her?

My Dad: Good Lord, no.

Me: Ok, Dad.  I love you.

My Dad: I love you too.  Bye.

Me: Bye.

An hour later the phone rang.

Me: Hello?

My Mom: Your dad said you had to talk to me.  What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing.  I’m pregnant.

My Mom: That’s great!  That’s wonderful.  How did The Husband take it?

Me: He’s fine.  I’m sure by the end of the day every one will know.  He’s on the phone now.

My Mom: No waiting to tell this time?

Me: Nope.  Wild horses couldn’t keep that man’s mouth shut.  But I got to go Mom.  I got to get Tornado E fed and into bed.

My Mom: I’m so happy for you.  Call me later.  I love you.

Me: I love you too.  Bye, Mom.

My Mom: Bye.

Fifteen minutes later the phone rings.

Me: Hello?

The Friendly Giant: Hey, Fae.  Mom says I have to apologize to you.

Me: For what?

The Friendly Giant: I’m sorry for saying you were knocked up.  It’s not a nice term to call someone when they’re pregnant.

Me: Um, thanks?  I wasn’t offended.

The Friendly Giant: I know.  But Mom was.  I got to go.  Congrats, Fae.

Me: Thanks.  Bye.

The Friendly Giant: Bye.

***

Just so you know.  The call to the doctor’s that next Monday.

Front Office: Doctor’s Office.

Me: Hi.  I just got a positive on a pregnancy test so I need to schedule an appointment.

Front Office: No problem.  Name?

Me: Fae Mom.

Front Office: When was the first day of your last period?

Me: Um, Uh, I think it was date.  (Forgive me because I still can’t remember.)

Front Office: Fae, you always wait so long to call!

What? I have long cycles!

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Pink lines

Me: I don’t know, Mom.  I think I’m coming down with something.  I’ve been tired.  And I’ve been nauseas all week, but then when it’s time to eat, I just gobble food down.  Today I ate FOUR bean burritos from Taco Bell.  Two of them before I even parked in the parking lot at work.

My mom: Have you taken a pregnancy test?

Me: What?  No.  We’ve only tried for one month (and only one time).  No one who wants to get pregnant gets pregnant that fast.

My mom: Stranger things have happened.

Me: Right.

My mom: So where you going for date night?

And so it stuck with me.  As we ate at our favorite sushi place, I mentioned the conversation to The Husband.

The Husband: Maybe we should get one.

Me: That’s crazy.

The Husband: What’s the harm?

So we walked over to the grocery store, and I purchased the test.  We went home.  I went straight to the bathroom and used it.

I always wanted to make a short film of those three minutes.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I read the box.  I drank some water.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I reread the box.  I examined my face for pimples.  I read the insert.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I drank some more water.  I checked the clock.  I checked the test.

Two pink lines stared at me.

I was pregnant.  It hit me like the knoll of a bell, straight to the pit of my stomach.

That was how I learned about Tornado E.

***

Me: I’m ONLY three days late.  It’s not like that has never happened before.  My body does this sort of random thing.  Tornado E, eat your eggies.  Daddy made them just for you.

Tornado E: Eggies!!

The Husband: But you’ve been off the pill a month!

Me: And we only had sex one time.  I think we totally missed the ovulation.

The Husband: How do you know?

Me: I don’t.  Which is why I wanted to wait a month or two to get a handle on my cycle.  Tornado E, don’t play with your food.

Tornado E: Eggies!

The Husband: There wasn’t a reason to.  I asked you to get the test earlier.

Me: And I asked you to get a paycheck cut.  When you forget to do that, I run out of money.

The Husband: Fine.  I’ll go get it.

Me: Don’t forget to deposit the paycheck.  (door slam)  Your Daddy is so funny.

Tornado E: Funny!

The Husband: Here.  Those things are expensive!

Me: Tell me about it.  No, Tornado E.  Play with Daddy.  Mommy will be right back.

So I went to the bathroom and took the test.

One day I’m going to make a short about those three minutes.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I read the box.  I drank some water.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I reread the box.  I examined my face for pimples.  I read the insert.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I drank some more water.  I checked the clock.  I checked the test.

Two pink lines stared at me.

I was pregnant.  Damn.  He has super sperm.

That was how I knew I was going to have Tornado S.

***

I texted: Sorry that it’s god awful early after your late night.  But it’s day 32, though I went 35 days last time.  Should I take a test?

BFF: No worries, I’m already up.  I probably would.  That sucks your body is messing with you.

Me: What are you doing up?  I know you need sleep.  I didn’t think about the day until now.  At least I’m not on pins & needles like last month.

BFF: Yeah, no kidding.  So did you make a decision?

Me: We’re going to the zoo today. I don’t know if I’ll have time to get the test today.  It’s unlikely I’m preggers.  But that’s how we roll.

BFF: Get the damn test.

The next morning I packed the boys in the car and drove to Wal-Mart.  On a Saturday.  Which is always a precarious thing to do on a Saturday, but at least we’re out early enough to beat the crowd.  I hoped.

I looked at the tests, debating if name recognition was worth the price.

Tornado E: Mommy, what are those?

Heaven help me, I opened my mouth to actually say condoms.  Honestly, I’m this close to being an idiot.

Me: Women things.  Just for women.

Tornado E: Oh.

Me: Tornado S, stay in the aisle.

F* it.  I’m saving the money.

Me: Come on, boys.

I herded the dancing boys to the register.  While hygiene products are close to the registers, it felt like it took forever to get to them.  But that was due to the ballet twins, not the item I was buying.

I ended up in the 10 items or less lane.  I threw in a few pieces of candy, just in case Tornado E divulges the trip to anyone.  The boys danced for the cashier and the grandma and grandson behind me.

Grandma: How old are you?

Tornado E: Four!

Grandma: Wow.  That’s big.  He’s five.  How old are you?

Tornado S: FIVE!

Grandma: I can’t wait to see you when you’re ten.

Cashier: They are so adorable.

Me: Thanks.  Come on, boys.  Let’s go home and watch cartoons.

Tornado E and Tornado S: YEA!!

We got home, and I turned on Disney.  I went to the bathroom.  I pulled out the test.  I read it.  I reread it.  I took a drink of water.

Not one to waste precious alone time, I grabbed a book.  I used the test.  I finished the chapter.

Tornado E: MOMMMY!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?

Me: In the bathroom.

Tornado S: Juice pease!!!!!

Tornado E: Can we have popcorn?

Tornado S: Corn!!!

Me: In a second.

Which I guess meant yes, because they ran out of the room.  I pulled up my shorts.  I turned to flush.  My eyes caught sight of the test.

Well, son of a gun.  Two pink lines.

I’m pregnant.

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