Leaking Out the News the First Time.

When I first came out of the bathroom when I was pregnant with Tornado E, I kept my head bowed.  I dragged my feet.  I walked slowly into the family room, where The Husband watched TV, waiting for the news.  He jumped up and hugged me.

The Husband: I’m sorry, sweetheart.  We’ll try harder next time.

Me: We don’t have to.  I’m pregnant.

I smiled at him.  It took half a second to sink in.

The Husband: You’re pregnant!  That’s great.  (We hugged again.  We kissed.)  Call your mom.

I grabbed the phone and dialed.

My Dad: (sounding groggy) Hello?

Me: Dad?  Is Mom there?

My Dad: No, she’s out with her friends.

Me: Really?  She’s out on a Friday night.  After you had surgery yesterday?  How are you doing, Dad?

My Dad: I’m ok.  These pain pills work wonders.  Whacha need, Fae?

Me: Oh, nothing.  It’s just that I’m pregnant.

My Dad: (pause) Is this a good thing?

Me: Yes.

My Dad: Well, then I’m happy for you.

Me: Thanks, Dad.  Dad?

My Dad: Yes?

Me: Get some rest.  You sound like you need it.

My Dad: Ok.  I love you.

Me: I love you too.  Goodnight.

My Dad: Good night.

I hung up the phone and turned to The Husband.

The Husband: There was a lot less screaming than I imagined.

Me: My mom is out with The Council of Women.  She left my dad alone.  He’s still out of it from surgery.

The Husband: Huh.  Well, it’s still early.  You want to go see a movie?

Me: No, I have to open tomorrow.  Let’s just watch TV.

An hour later the phone rang.

Me: Hello?

My Mom: Your dad said you needed to tell me something.

Me: You left Dad alone after his surgery?

My Mom: It was Friend’s birthday!  We’ve been planning this for months.  Besides your father was just fine when left him.  He said it was fine if I went.

Me: Fine, Mom.  I’m just surprised.

My Mom: Is that what you wanted to tell me?  To scold me for leaving your father helpless?

Me: No.  I wanted to tell you I’m pregnant.

My Mom: You’re pregnant!  I knew it!  That’s wonderful, baby!  Congratulations!

Me: You, too, Grandma.

My Mom: I’m going to be a Grandma!

Me: Yes.  Mom?  It’s late.  I have to be at work at 6 tomorrow.

My Mom: Oh.  Right.  Well, call me tomorrow when you get off.

Me: Fine, Mom.  I love you

My Mom: I love you. Good night, dear.

Me: Good night.


The phone rang just as I peeled out of my work clothes.  Working for the benefits.  Working for the benefits.

Me: Hello?

My Dad: Your mother told me I have to apologize.

Me: For what?

My Dad: For not being enthusiastic enough last night.

Me: Oh.  Well, you did better than The Husband’s Dad.  His first words were “Oh no.”

My Dad: (Laughter) I’m happy for you, baby.  I really am.  If you’re happy, than I am.

Me: Well, as soon as I stop feeling to nauseas, I’ll be happier.

My Dad: Then I’ll be happier then too.

Me: Thanks, Dad.  Um, should I talk to Mom now so that you don’t get yelled out for hanging up before she talks to me?

My Dad: Yup.


That weekend I made The Husband promise not to tell anyone until we know for sure that we were pregnant.  He ended up telling J and his girlfriend D, who happened to work for a great OB/GYN.  She insisted I call on Monday to get an appointment, promising me that she would get me in.

Monday I called.

Front office: Hello?  Dr’s office.

Me: Um, hi.  I need to make an um appointment.

Front office:  Oh?  And what can I do for you?

Me: Uh, I think I’m uh pregnant.

Front Office: Ok.  Well, why don’t you find out for sure and call us back for an appointment?  Ok?

Me: Um, ok.  Thank you.


Hmmm.  That went less well than expected.

The phone rang.

Me: Hello?

D: Faemom.  (sigh) You’re pregnant if you have a positive on a pregnancy test.

Me: Oh?  They’re that accurate.

D: (sigh) Yes.  I’m transferring you back to the Front Office.  Tell them you got a positive on your pregnancy test.  They’ll take care of it all.

Me: Oh.

And as for that promise.  By the end of the week, everyone knew.  EVERYONE.  To this day, I’m sure The Husband put a billboard up on one of the major freeways in Orange County.  The best part was the hurt and nagging that came from friends who heard it from their husbands.  Thanks, The Husband.

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Pink lines

Me: I don’t know, Mom.  I think I’m coming down with something.  I’ve been tired.  And I’ve been nauseas all week, but then when it’s time to eat, I just gobble food down.  Today I ate FOUR bean burritos from Taco Bell.  Two of them before I even parked in the parking lot at work.

My mom: Have you taken a pregnancy test?

Me: What?  No.  We’ve only tried for one month (and only one time).  No one who wants to get pregnant gets pregnant that fast.

My mom: Stranger things have happened.

Me: Right.

My mom: So where you going for date night?

And so it stuck with me.  As we ate at our favorite sushi place, I mentioned the conversation to The Husband.

The Husband: Maybe we should get one.

Me: That’s crazy.

The Husband: What’s the harm?

So we walked over to the grocery store, and I purchased the test.  We went home.  I went straight to the bathroom and used it.

I always wanted to make a short film of those three minutes.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I read the box.  I drank some water.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I reread the box.  I examined my face for pimples.  I read the insert.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I drank some more water.  I checked the clock.  I checked the test.

Two pink lines stared at me.

I was pregnant.  It hit me like the knoll of a bell, straight to the pit of my stomach.

That was how I learned about Tornado E.


Me: I’m ONLY three days late.  It’s not like that has never happened before.  My body does this sort of random thing.  Tornado E, eat your eggies.  Daddy made them just for you.

Tornado E: Eggies!!

The Husband: But you’ve been off the pill a month!

Me: And we only had sex one time.  I think we totally missed the ovulation.

The Husband: How do you know?

Me: I don’t.  Which is why I wanted to wait a month or two to get a handle on my cycle.  Tornado E, don’t play with your food.

Tornado E: Eggies!

The Husband: There wasn’t a reason to.  I asked you to get the test earlier.

Me: And I asked you to get a paycheck cut.  When you forget to do that, I run out of money.

The Husband: Fine.  I’ll go get it.

Me: Don’t forget to deposit the paycheck.  (door slam)  Your Daddy is so funny.

Tornado E: Funny!

The Husband: Here.  Those things are expensive!

Me: Tell me about it.  No, Tornado E.  Play with Daddy.  Mommy will be right back.

So I went to the bathroom and took the test.

One day I’m going to make a short about those three minutes.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I read the box.  I drank some water.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I reread the box.  I examined my face for pimples.  I read the insert.  I checked the clock.  I paced.  I drank some more water.  I checked the clock.  I checked the test.

Two pink lines stared at me.

I was pregnant.  Damn.  He has super sperm.

That was how I knew I was going to have Tornado S.


I texted: Sorry that it’s god awful early after your late night.  But it’s day 32, though I went 35 days last time.  Should I take a test?

BFF: No worries, I’m already up.  I probably would.  That sucks your body is messing with you.

Me: What are you doing up?  I know you need sleep.  I didn’t think about the day until now.  At least I’m not on pins & needles like last month.

BFF: Yeah, no kidding.  So did you make a decision?

Me: We’re going to the zoo today. I don’t know if I’ll have time to get the test today.  It’s unlikely I’m preggers.  But that’s how we roll.

BFF: Get the damn test.

The next morning I packed the boys in the car and drove to Wal-Mart.  On a Saturday.  Which is always a precarious thing to do on a Saturday, but at least we’re out early enough to beat the crowd.  I hoped.

I looked at the tests, debating if name recognition was worth the price.

Tornado E: Mommy, what are those?

Heaven help me, I opened my mouth to actually say condoms.  Honestly, I’m this close to being an idiot.

Me: Women things.  Just for women.

Tornado E: Oh.

Me: Tornado S, stay in the aisle.

F* it.  I’m saving the money.

Me: Come on, boys.

I herded the dancing boys to the register.  While hygiene products are close to the registers, it felt like it took forever to get to them.  But that was due to the ballet twins, not the item I was buying.

I ended up in the 10 items or less lane.  I threw in a few pieces of candy, just in case Tornado E divulges the trip to anyone.  The boys danced for the cashier and the grandma and grandson behind me.

Grandma: How old are you?

Tornado E: Four!

Grandma: Wow.  That’s big.  He’s five.  How old are you?

Tornado S: FIVE!

Grandma: I can’t wait to see you when you’re ten.

Cashier: They are so adorable.

Me: Thanks.  Come on, boys.  Let’s go home and watch cartoons.

Tornado E and Tornado S: YEA!!

We got home, and I turned on Disney.  I went to the bathroom.  I pulled out the test.  I read it.  I reread it.  I took a drink of water.

Not one to waste precious alone time, I grabbed a book.  I used the test.  I finished the chapter.


Me: In the bathroom.

Tornado S: Juice pease!!!!!

Tornado E: Can we have popcorn?

Tornado S: Corn!!!

Me: In a second.

Which I guess meant yes, because they ran out of the room.  I pulled up my shorts.  I turned to flush.  My eyes caught sight of the test.

Well, son of a gun.  Two pink lines.

I’m pregnant.

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