When asked who are mother’s favorite is, my brothers and I respond different. They say me. I maintain its Face. When she is in the room, we all say a different sibling. Because it’s fun to irritate my mother. But truly it’s Face. “But he was in trouble the most! I punished him the most!” my mother says. True, but if I had done any of the things he had done, I would have been locked up in a convent until I was 18.
When we are asked about our dad’s favorite, we all look at each other and shrug. I don’t know.
***
When talking to other moms, the discussion of favorites comes about. Usually to deny favorites or secretly admit them. I always boasted, “Tornado A’s my favorite! He can’t run away or back talk!”
Guess what. He can. Which means I need a new catch phrase.
“It changes from minute to minute.”
***
Tornado E: You look like a zombie.
He was immediately demoted to below his brothers. Since it was the *Very First* thing he said today, he was demoted beneath my books, chocolate, and hot showers.
Tornado S: Wow! Mommy, you cleaned the whole house!
He was immediately my favorite because it was said without sarcasm and with enthusiasm.
Tornado A ran and hugged me.
He was immediately my favorite.
Tornado E: Mommy, you make the best breakfasts!
Tornado E was immediately my favorite.
Tornado E: Mommy, your tummy is bigger than daddy’s! You have a fat tummy! (Tornado E was immediately demoted under his brothers. Again.)
Tornado S: Mommy, you’re fat! (Tornado S was immediately demoted with Tornado E. If we had a pet, they would be beneath the pet.)
Tornado E: And you have a fat butt! (Laughter from both boys)
Tornado S was demoted beneath books, chocolate, and hot showers. Tornado E was demoted beneath books, movies, all desserts, hot showers, and Disneyland.
And in *my* defense, I am NOT bigger than the ex. I do NOT have a bigger gut than the ex. And my pajama pants make my butt look big. AND all of this happened in the first hour of the day!
My Mom: Well, in their defense, Fae, you could stand to lose five to ten pounds.
My mom was now demoted beneath the boys, my father, my brothers, my sister-in-law, my friends, and my favorite grandma.
Tornado S: HUG! (He wrapped me into a bear hug.)
He was now my favorite.
Tornado A hugged me.
He was now my favorite.
Tornado E waited until the boys are doing something else and hugged me.
Tornado E: I love you, Mommy.
Tornado E was my favorite.
Look at that. Three favorites.
And my mom is still demoted.
Faemom 