Evan: I want to go to Dave’s house!
Me: Who’s Dave? Where’s Dave’s house Evan? (As I mentally scan my database for Daves Evan might know. The only Dave I can think of is the father of the thirteen year old girl, who Evan loves, and they live two doors down.)
Evan: Dave lives in Mexico! I live California! Grandma and Papi live in Arizona! I go to Dave’s house and get candy and ride a horse and play swords!
At first, I’ll admit, I was alarmed, trying to think of a “Dave” who would let Evan into his house and give him candy. Did a child predator move into the neighborhood? Should I call my Dad? Should I-
Before I could spiral myself into a crazy-mother-frenzy, I remembered Becky, my imaginary friend, and I also remembered Evan has NOT been to any one’s house without me. He’s three! So I jumped off the crazy tracked and asked Evan about Dave, but Evan was silent on Dave until my husband came home.
My husband got the same animated description of Dave’s house. My husband looked up at me with concern.
My Husband: Who’s Dave? Where does he live? When did Evan go there?
Me: (now cool and confident) It’s his imaginary friend. When would I have let Evan go off on his own?
Then last night Evan got a new best friend, who he met on his second term of time out as Evan was a repeat offender. It’s amazing how some harden criminals never learn. After being sentenced for three minutes for pushing Sean, who was sitting on the arm of the couch, over the edge (luckily Sean landed in the laundry basket of stuff animals), Evan served his time and didn’t lose any time on repeating the incident by hitting Sean so hard he cried. Sean is a tough little guy and rarely cries, so upon hearing Sean cry, I had to hold back the wrath of God (aka spanking) and calmly march the suspect, pleading his innocence, back to jail. Obviously Evan knows nothing of probation.
At the end of the three minutes, I asked Evan to sit with me so we can discuss in brief three-year-old terms why he was in time out, but first he introduced me to his new cell mate, just recently released back into society, rehabilitated.
Me: Evan, do you know why you were in time out?
Evan: This is Gooey! He wants to sit on your lap too!
Me: Ok, Gooey, you can sit on my other leg. Now, Evan, why were you in time out?
Evan: I don’t know. Gooey is on your leg!
Me: Evan, why were you in time out?
Evan: Gooey and I hit Seanny!
Me: (So Gooey’s an accomplice. I didn’t realize the partnership was so old.) Is hitting Seanny nice or mean?
Evan: It’s mean.
Me: Are you nice little boy?
Me: Then we don’t do mean things; we do nice things. I love you, Evan. Be nice to your brother. (And I hug and kiss Evan.)
Evan: Come on, Gooey. Let’s watch The Upside Down Show with Seanny. Oh, and Mommy, Gooey’s blue.
For some reason, I’m picturing a blue blob slithering after Evan with great purpose and dignity.
The next morning Evan introduced his father to Gooey, and just in case I had forgotten, I was re-introduced to Gooey.
Evan: Mommy, Gooey is a blue chocolate chip monster. I’m a pink chocolate chip monster. Gooey doesn’t have any legs. Gooey is a candy monster. Gooey likes candy and cookies.
Well, that says it all, doesn’t it?