Me: My blog is doing really well right now. People really like the penis stories.
Husband: I don’t know.
Husband: “They only think about their penises.” That’s really controversial. You’re going to make people mad.
Me: What? (What you actually read my blog? What you actually think that was controversial? What you’re upset because I think men think with their penises?)
Husband: Yeah, you’re talking about your boys there. It’s not right.
Me: First off, it was a joke. Sarcasm. Second, these are boys; you all DO think about your penises all the time. Third, the people who read these are moms who have been or are going through with it; THEY know it’s a joke.
Husband: It’s just not right. You probably offended people.
Me: (After a long pause wondering if offended my blog friends, then realizing you would totally call me out if I did.) Honestly, you’re quite touchy about this. It’s just a stupid generalization. We all know SOMETHING has to be going on in your heads than just your penises or else you would never eat.
Husband: I think about other things.
Me: (roll of eyes) Obviously. But this is just like my theory on human relations. Men are stupid. Women are evil.
Husband: I’m not stupid.
Me: (sigh) Do you remember when you thought that was actually funny? When we were dating? Or maybe you were just a little drunk? Women learn in middle school how to be manipulative, and men learn to fight. A man will kick your ass, but a woman will destroy your life. All women have potential evil lurking in their soul. All men are potentially rendered stupid under women.
Husband: I’m not stupid.
Me: Remember M? How she would hang on you to make her boyfriend jealous and me pissed off, ready to kick her ass, but you never noticed? Or how about the time she told her boyfriend you hit on her and he called you wanting to fight and you said dude, I’m MARRIED and I would NEVER do that to you if I were single? Or how about J that TOTALLY convinced her boyfriend she wanted a kid and now will NEVER do it? Those women did EVIL things that men would never EVER think of and were completely blind to.
Husband: Good point. But I’m not stupid.
Me: (Sigh. New tactic) Fine, you’re not stupid and you don’t always think about your penis. By the way, did you read the one about the bookworms?
Me: How about the one about the second child?
Me: So which ones did you read?
Husband: The penis ones. They’re always the funniest.