That sucks

Tornado A and I were grocery shopping, and we were at our final store.  We were at the organic food store because I was picking up stuff to make miso soup.  Mmmm.  Miso soup.  I figured it would be a great snack for me.  And the store had tofu on sale.  Score.

When we got to the refrigerated section, the tofu on sale was gone.  All of it.  Every kind.  Gone.  All that was left was the stuff not on sale.  Three times more expensive.  Ah damn.  I bent over and looked down the shelf to be sure.  Hoping.  And-

Me: That sucks.  Oh that sucks.

I stood up and shook my head.

Me: Man, that sucks so bad.  Just sucks.

I was so disappointed.

Tornado A: Sucks!

What?!

Tornado A: Sucks!

Nonononono!

Tornado A: Sucks!

Me: No, Tornado A.  Stinks.

Tornado A: Sucks!

Me: Stinks!

Tornado A: (laughing) Sucks!

Oh, no.  I’m in so much trouble.

Tornado A: (laughing) Sucks!  Sucks!  Sucks!

So much trouble.

Distraction!

Me: (singing softly with the store music) Who’s trippin’ down the streets of the city?  Smiling at ev-

Tornado A: SUCKS!

By now, we’re were nearing the cash register.

Me: Tornado A!  Wanna go to the bread store?

Tornado A: WAY!!!

Me: Ok!  Let’s buy these real quick and go get bread!

Tornado A: WAY!!!

Shoo.  God, I’m such a bad mother.

Talking?!

I’m starting to second guess how early babies talk.  Or my kid is a genius.  Or babies really do talk earlier than we imagine.

Two weeks ago, I was grocery shopping with Tornado S and Tornado A, rambling on with some grocery monologue.

Me: . . . And now we’re going to get some Parmesan.

Tornado A: Parmesan.

Me: That’s right.  Parmesan.  It’s a tasty cheese we put on pasta- Wait!  What did you say?!

Tornado A just beamed at me.  I’m sure it happened.

Last week, Tornado E was playing with his Star Wars characters.  Tornado A spotted him and crawled over with record speed.  He used Tornado E to pull himself up.

Tornado A: Brozzzzer!

Me: Brother!

Wait!  Did he do it again?!

Three days ago, we were at my parents’ house, and Tornado A wanted my mom’s plant.  He reached out to grab a leaf.

My mom: No!  Not your pretty.  Nana’s pretty.  (Nana because my mom is desperate for a nickname.)

Tornado A: (grinning) Yeah.

My mom: No!

Tornado A: Yeah!

My mom: No!

Tornado A: Yeah!

My mom: Fae, listen to this.  No!

Tornado A: Yeah!

Holy crap.

Then yesterday, Tornado A fell down and said Uh-oh.

It’s like all those parenting books are BS.

It also looks like I have another talker in the family.  God, we’re not quiet.

Bad Guy!

I sat watching Good Morning America, catching up on some news and weather, so that if the time comes, I can have an intelligent adult conversation without mentioning potty, vomit, or he-did-the-cutest-thing-yesterday.  Unfortunately the only adults I share this information with are my mom, who has a vague interest in the world, my brother, who doesn’t care for anything outside of sports, and my dad, who loves to rile up his liberal daughter.

Tornado S came over and sat on my lap.

Tornado S: Bad guy!

Me: No, she’s a reporter.

Tornado S: Bag guy!

Me: No, that’s the nation’s financial advisor.  Though some would agree with you.

Tornado S: Bad guy!

Me: No, that’s the news’s financial explainer.

Tornado S: Bad guy!

Me: No, that’s Chris Cuomo.  He’s actually a daddy.

Tornado S: Daddy?

Me: Yup.  He has two little kids.

Tornado S: (pause) Bad guy!

Me: Yup.  He took a little girl.  Don’t worry we’re going to teach you self defense.

I hugged and kissed him as I dreamed of all the ways I would slowly torture the person, who ever touched my child, to death.

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Questions of the Week

Why?

Why does that man have grey hair?

Why is Papi so big?

Is Papi Daddy’s son?

Why can’t I stay at Papi and Grandma’s house?

Why do we have to go to Grandma and Papi’s house?

Why do I have to eat my dinner?

Why can’t I have dessert?

Why can’t I watch you pee?

Why does Tornado S-y say “bink” when he wants his binky?

Why did Grandma-Great go to the zoo with us?

Why can’t we go to the water park?

Why do bees make honey?

Why are the fossa scared of a lion?

Why are some animals bigger than others?

Why do I have to learn to write my name?

Why do I have to take a nap?

Why did that shark eat that seal?

Why do mosquitoes bite?

Why do we have to go to Target?

Why can’t we go to McDonald’s?

Why do we have to go?

May I have more juice?

May I have a cookie?

May I watch DVD time?

Why did you do that?

Why does Papi have no hair?

Why does Grandma-Great leave alone?

What’s in heaven?

Why can’t I have a toy?

Why do we have thunder?

Why can’t I go play in the rain?

Why do I have to go to bed?

Why?

Why?

Why?

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Blue versus Yellow

Tornado S: Car!

Me: Yes.  It’s a blue car.  It is a blue race car.

Tornado S: ‘Ellow car!

Me: No, it’s a blue car.

Tornado S: ‘Ellow car!

Me: No, Tornado S.  It’s BLUE.  It’s a blue car.

Tornado S: ‘Ellow car!

Me: See this.  This is a YELLOW car.  The car in your hand is BLUE.

Tornado S: (Still shaking car in my face) ‘ELLOW CAR!

Ok, fine.  You win for now.  Where’s that colors book?

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Conversations at the Library

We were at the library, and Tornado E was desperate for friends.

Tornado E: May I please join you?

Grandmother: Yes, you may. Girl, tell the boy he can join us.

Girl: You may join us.

Tornado E: (pulls out chair and sits down) Thank you.

Grandmother: Tell him your name.

Girl: I’m Girl.

Grandmother: Ask him what his name is.

Girl: What’s your name?

Tornado E: Tornado E!  And I’m silly!

Grandmother: Oh, I’m sure you’re not silly.

Tornado E: Yes, I am!  I’m very silly!

Later he joined a nanny and her charge.

Tornado E: My father doesn’t like my mommy calling us “dudes.”  But I don’t mind.  My father is just silly.

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Meet the other boy I watch

Sean: Mama!  Mama!  Mama!  Mama!  Mama!  Mama!

Me: Yes?

Sean: Mama!  Mama!  Mama!  Mama!  Mama!  Mama!

Me: Sean-Sean.

Sean: A feeesh!

Me: I see the fish.  It’s a red fish.

Sean: Mama!  Mama!  Mama!  Mama!

Me: Sean-Sean.

Sean: A feeesh!

Me: Yes, I red fish.

Papi: He really doesn’t stop unless you ans-

Sean: Mama! Mama!

Papi: wer.

Me: Sean-Sean.  No.  He doesn’t.

Sean: A pi-rate boat!

Me: Yes, a pirate boat.

Sean: Mama! Ma-

Papi: Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean! Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  Se-

Sean: (first smiling.  Now he put his hand out like a stop sign.)  STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Papi: Sean! Se-

Sean: STOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Me: Do you really think that’s helping?  Either of you?

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The Interrupter

 

Every morning it’s Sean who gets up at 6am to wake his Mommy up to get her to come with him to watch cartoons, to get him juice.  The other day he actually handed me my sandals.  This morning it was Evan, who cuddled in bed with me.  A few minutes later Sean came into the room, babbling.

Evan: Look, Mommy!  Seanny is looking for me!

Me: Really?

Evan: Yeah!  Seanny are you looking for me?

Sean: Um.  Uh.  Oh.

Evan: I think that’s a yes!

I think we need to stop acting like you actually can interrupt Sean

 

(Quick, early post today because we’re checking out a couple of schools today.  Can’t wait to find time to read.  Wish us luck.)

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How to say animal names: a toddler’s perspective

Animals according to Sean

Dog= daaaa

Cat= meow

Horse= neigh

Chicken= chi-chi

Cow=?

Goat=?

Sheep= baaa

Spider= *makes a hand spider*

 

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Road Trip!

I might have failed to mention that we would be visiting my family this weekend, and somehow I convinced my husband to travel earlier than usual for this short trip.  As he worked and I drove, the boys watched DVDs, until Evan needed to go to the bathroom.  Then he would tell us that he needed to use the potty Right NOW, so I was forced to drive 90 mph to find somewhere to pull off so that he could do his business.  Amazingly he did this twice.  (November and December were hard months for potty training when we had to give in and have Evan wear a diaper on trips, which was sad for everyone.)

 

We pulled off the freeway to start our jaunt through the city.

 

Evan: We’re almost to Papi and Grandma’s house, Seanny!  Uh-oh!  Seanny is sleeping!  Wake-

 

Me: It’s ok, Evan.  Seanny didn’t sleep when you slept.  He’ll wake up when we get there.

 

Evan: Look at the cactus!  Papi and Grandma have cactus at their house!  They’re sharp!  Ouch!  (Different story with an uncle involved.)

 

Me: Yup!  Good job, Evan!

 

Evan: Look!  It’s a bridge!  It goes over water!

 

Me: Yes, when it rains, the bridge will be over water.

 

Evan: Hey!  Look at that playground!  I want to go there!

 

Me: Next time.  We’re still away from Grandma and Papi’s.

 

Evan: Look, Mommy!  A garbage truck!  It’s scary!  It’s scary to me!  But we’re safe in the car!

 

Me: Garbage trucks only get garbage, not little boys.

 

Evan: They make loud roars!  Roar!

 

Me: Yes, they do.

 

Evan:  Look!  The light is green!  Go, Mommy, go!  Hey!  Look over there!  It’s a tree with a bird in it!  Look at that!  It’s a purple cactus!  (The creative bus stops) Hey, look at that!  It’s a water fountain!  What does that say, Mommy?

 

Me: What does what say, Evan?

 

Evan: It says, “Happy Halloween!”  I like candy corn!  Can we get candy corn?  We need to get candy corn for Grandma!

 

Me: We’ll see what we can do.  Grandma made you M&M cookies.

 

Evan: MMMMM!  I like those!  They’re yummy!

 

Me: She made them just for you and Sean.

 

Evan: Uh-oh!  I went potty in my pants!

 

Me: Oh, no.

 

Evan: I forgot to use the potty! (pause) Mommy!  You forgot to pull over, so I could use the potty!

 

Me: Evan, why didn’t you tell Mommy you needed to go?

 

Evan: I did!  I told you we needed candy corn!

 

Silly, Mommy.  You should have known that was code for Evan needs to use the potty.

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