Some advice for Spammers

Spammers seem to be getting more intelligent, or at least writing like they’re more intelligent.  Instead of writing Viagra a thousand times or talking about nude pics of some celebrity or other, they’re writing sentences, even paragraphs.  But there are a few things that are bothering me.

Take “Conceive a Baby Boy” and what s/he said, “Good Website! I wondered if I might be able to pages and use a few things for a school assignment,” referring to my post Project Womb: The Hope for Pink Booties.  I’ll give you props for actually targeting a relative post for your site because I did check it out, since you tried to post three times with different emails and IP addresses.  Of course, you wrote the same comment using the same name and website. 

But let’s just take a moment and believe you, instead of assuming you’re trying to sell books or pills or magic potions.  Let’s assume that what you meant to say was “I wonder if I might be able to copy and use a few things for a school assignment.”  First off, I’ll have to assume you’re in high school or college, but by college, students usually say a class assignment.  Either way, I doubt your teacher would be impressed that you sited some random blog that didn’t even site the actually scientific studies or papers on this statement.  You’re better off finding your helpful information for your school assignment in a scientific journal or any website that has an .edu instead of a .com.  Don’t believe me?  Go ask Ink, Evenshine, Beth or Naptime.  They’re actually professors.  I’m just a girl who graduated with Honors.

Then there’s “Blogs” who wrote “Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?” on Wanna Laugh?  While I’m completely flattered, I know it’s not my best writing.  It was actually endorsing one of my favorite bloggers (not saying too much because I’ve got like a dozen of them) Not Drowning, Mothering on her chance to get a Bloggie.

But at least, Blogs, you asked nicely.  And the answer is NO.  I know I don’t have a fancy little sign or a clever saying about stealing my writing, but that doesn’t mean it’s out for grabs.  See one of the things they taught me at my fancy, little college (see the “with Honors” sentence) is copywrite law because, you know, it’s important for all writers to know.  Just so that you’re clear on this before I hunt you down and have some big, ugly dude serve you papers, I’ll explain a little of copywrite law, just for you.  See, I don’t need to write a disclaimer because under US law, where I’m writing, it says that the moment I write something, whether it’s in a word processor, on a blog, or on a cheap cocktail napkin in a cheap motel by the airport, that writing is MINE.  Anyone who takes it is a thief.  (The Husband would like to add that this is called “Implied copywrite” because he paid lawyers a lot of money to teach him that; while, I paid a school a lot of money to learn that.)  Most countries will support the copywrite laws of the originating country.  Except China.

But if you’re in China, let me just write something to get me thrown off their internet servers, so we don’t have this little chat again.  China, I hope you’re listening.  First off, I don’t really care for your reasoning that “you’re developing” so you can go off and pull some horrible little tricks.  Like stealing copywrited material.  Or what the hell you’re doing to your environment.  Sure, we developed nations pulled a lot of the same crap, but we learned our lessons.  We regretted doing that stupid sh*t, so we’re warning you.  And you sound like a sniveling little brother when you say you did, why can’t we.  Besides we didn’t try to torch ourselves in the grand fashion you’re doing.  It’s like you simply don’t give a f*ck when it comes to your people or your future.  Honestly the way you’re going, the way you’re acting, you’ll never be a “First World Nation,” you’ll be a laughing stock.  The crazy part is that someone once told me that you believe that you are just underneath Heaven, that everyone must reincarnate to become Chinese before making it through the pearly gates and off the wheel of suffering.  So you’re destroying the best part of earth?  Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.  Second, if you truly believe you’re right under heaven, you obviously never been to Maui because that’s truly paradise.

So Conceive and Blogs, that’s just some helpful advice to send you on your way.  You can THANK ME LATER.

THANK ME LATER Thursdays are brought to you by Parenting by Dummies and the Letters F and U.

Thank you, Kat

I’ve waited too long to tell this story and to show my true gratitude.  Remember my little rant about Kung Fu Panda shirts.  Well, some one was listening and decided to answer me.


A few days after my long rant, my best friend called me.  (Ok, we talk every day, or to be honest, several times a day, so it wasn’t surprising she called me.) 


Wally: Hey, what sizes are the boys in now?


Me: 3t and 18 months, but Sean will pop into 2t any day now.  Why?


Wally: It’s a surprise.


Me: (Skeptical) Ok.  You know we’re leaving next week, right?


Wally: Don’t remind me!


Me: And Evan will be out of 3t in the summer.  But when it comes to pants he has a tiny waist so he barely can keep is pants around the waste.  And-


Wally: Ok. Stop making everything so complicated.  I’ll tell you.  Just act surprise when it comes.  My sister has been reading your blog and saw how you couldn’t find any Kung Fu Panda shirts –


Me: Your sister reads my blog?  Doesn’t she have more important and fun things to do?


Wally: She loves it.  Any ways, she found some Kung Fu Panda shirts online and wants to buy them for the boys and –


Me: –


Wally: They were cheap!  Don’t argue with me.  She called me wanting to know the boys’ sizes and your address.  I said, well, they’re actually moving soon.  But she insists that she can get them there before you leave.  They’re long sleeve, but she says it’s still cold in Arizona.


Me: Make it size 4t and 2t because it’ll only be cold for another month here.  Shorts by mid April.  But it’s not necessary.  She can give me the website and I can-


Wally: Don’t give me crap about her buying your sons gifts.  Be gracious and accept.


My best friend knows me too damn well.


Two days later a package arrived.  Thankfully I remembered the conversation as there was no return address or anything inside to let me know who sent it to Evan and Sean (uhem, Kat) because once you have a stalker problem you get a bit jumpy over unmarked packages.  Besides how could I thank this wonderful angel for sending me Kung Fu panda shirts, pajamas, and books?


As it happened, the box came the same day as the grandparents did, so it was hard to tell what excited them most.  The boys saw their gifts and danced their happy dances.  Sean’s dance is twirls and body bumps; while Evan’s are high jumps off the nearest furniture.  Unfortunately it hasn’t been cold enough to wear long sleeved shirts, so I had to hide them before Evan and Sean demanded to get heat stroke.


©j So Kat, thank you very much for being so wonderfully thoughtful and sweet.  ©



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