The Director

Sean is insistent.  He’s persistent.  He’s down right stubborn.  And he likes to be read to.

 

Sean will find a book that he wants read to him, and he then tottles over to his Mommy or Daddy with a sweet, “Peeease!”  Now if said person isn’t paying attention, Sean will take his/her hand and jam the book into it with a sweet but persistent, “Peeease!”

 

After the parent is finished reading the book, Sean opens the book, saying “Peeease!”  After the thirtieth reading, the parent tries to do something else, like watch TV or have an adult conversation, but Sean will take the parent’s hand again, jamming the book back into the hand with a very insistent “Peeease!” 

 

Now let’s just say that about the forty-third time, I’m not reading it with as much enthusiasm as the little director would like.  Sean will yank the book out of my hand and read it allowed to me.  “Mawaweey.  Kuamuama.  Twany.”  Then he will hand it back, expecting more feeling, and amazingly he’ll get it. 

 

 

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The Crappiest Version of The First Christmas for Toddlers

For Evan’s first Christmas, I bought a little board book to read to him the story of the first Christmas.  I’m very big on keeping religious holidays religious as I often, as a child, sat with our dog explaining the story of Easter and Christmas.  So I picked up a cute little board book somewhere, and I guess I should have read it first or at least bought it at a Christian story because this is probably the worse story I have ever read.

 

The book is The Christmas Story (the name says it all) by Patricia A. Pingry.  First off, there are several grammatical errors.  I hate BS like that.  Sure, I’ll let one or two errors slide in an 800 page book (that’s a lot of words to read and edit), but we’re talking about 200 words.  Honestly, who didn’t read this book out loud to catch it? (Note: for those that don’t know, the best way to check grammar errors is to read it out loud because most often your ears can hear that something isn’t right.)  So I’m expected to read my child, in his most sponge-soaking years, a badly written story, so that he learns the incorrect way to speak.

 

Second there are some flaws in the story like waiting until halfway through the book and say “During the night, Mary’s baby was born.”  It comes out of left field.  Foreshadow, Patty (can I call you Patty or Ms. Pingry?), it’s a valuable tool for writers and helpful for readers.  I get that they wanted to keep it short and sweet.  But you could have nixed the whole “This is the Christmas story” page at the end of the book because you said it in the beginning (very repetitive and boring), and you could have inserted “Mary was going to have a baby” on page three when you talk about Mary riding a donkey and Joseph walking.  Not that that had anything to do with the story either.  Oh, and would it have killed you to mention the town Bethlehem a little earlier?  Because when you get to it, it sounds like oh and they just happened to hit Bethlehem.  It’s a little like saying they happened to brake down in Roanoke, Virginia on their way to Williamsburg.  Bethlehem was the destination, not an occurrence, and kids will never understand why we sing about it if it wasn’t important.  The story doesn’t flow well, and the whole “surprise: Mary’s having a baby” thing just really bothers me.

 

So after two days of reading this stupid book and the only book I could find that year talking about the actual meaning of Christmas, I took out the Sharpie and made a few adjustments to the book.  I’ve contemplated writing to the publisher and asking for a change in the writing.  But then I read their version of the Easter story which includes a whole five pages on the actual story and the rest about how we all go to church on Easter.  I really don’t think the publisher is up to creating high standards.  At least I found another children’s Christmas book this year, but I really ought to shop at a religious store for these things.  But then I find it ironic . . . you know with the Christmas tree, the holly, and the mistletoe and all.

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A Mom’s plea From Cat in the Hat

I lay there with Evan

We lay there, we two.

And I said, “What do you want

To read before napping with you?”

 

“Oh Mommy, there is something

I want to read. Something that

You’ll really like, I bet.

Again I want Cat in the Hat!”

 

So that is the only book I

Read!

        Read!

                Read!

                        Read!

And I do not like it.

Not one little bit.

 

We have read this book

So many times that I can not

Count how many times.

That cat ought to be shot.

He’s smiling so nice, in fact,

That you know from the cover

He’s up to no good, bringing

More trouble on the sister and brother.

 

Oh, how I hate that ridiculous

Cat in the hat, oh I bet.

With the Thing One and Thing Two

Which are caught in the net.

And the terrible mess that they make

When their mother is away.

The ending implies it is better to lie

Than take the lecture that may

Come from the mother that day.

 

Oh what I could read!

Oh what I could read instead!

Where Wild Things Are

Or The Magic Bed

Or Finding Nemo

Or It’s a Good Day

Or It Isn’t Easy Being Big

Or Elmo’s Ducky Day

Or Kung Fu Panda or Wall-e

Or Cars, in that case,

Or The Things You Can Think

Or Arthur’s Reading Race!

 

Please, please, not again.

This really isn’t funny or fun.

Just choose another book.
Please, my sweet wonderful son.