I’ve might have mentioned my brother is getting married this summer in New Hampshire. We’re all excited because we love his bride. (Hi, K!) Rumors were abound over a ring bearer as my soon-to-sister-in-law has a niece who was born in between my boys. So a few months ago, my brother called me.
T: So, um, do you think Tornado E would want to be the ring bearer?
Me: How about this? You tell me if you want him to be the ring bearer, and we’ll psych him up for the gig if you do.
T: Ok, we want Tornado E to be the ring bearer.
Me: You weren’t going to tie a pillow on Larkin’s head and have him come down the aisle.
Me: Then why are you bringing the dog to the wedding?
T: It’s a long story.
Me: Boys, watch some cartoons. I have time.
So Tornado E is supposed to be the ring bearer, but he would rather be Master Crane. Whatever. Now I could go into more gossipy information here, but K occasionally reads my blog, and I wouldn’t want her to think I’m always picking on T (no matter how much he deserves it).
A month or so ago, T showed up at my parents’ house to pick up the invites and discuss the ring pillow with my mom, who is making it. My mom and I could not be bothered as we were in a death race for our lives called Mario Go-Kart.
T: Fae, I’ve been thinking. We’ve been thinking. Tornado E is at a very independent stage right now. So we don’t know if he’ll be manageable. So we were thinking maybe Tornado S would be better.
Me: Stupid Baby Mario! What? You don’t want that. Tornado E can take direction. He’ll be excited to do it. With Tornado S, we would have to tie a cookie on a string and pull it down the aisle to get him to do it.
T: I don’t know-
Mom: Stupid Babies!
Me: I know. They’re ruthless.
T: Are you sure?
Mom: Yes. Don’t you remember when Fae was Tornado S’s age, she was the flower girl to your Aunt’s wedding? The maid of honor wouldn’t let her go back to my seat for the ceremony, so half way though the wedding, all you could see was two little Mary Jane’s kicking in the air.
Me: It wasn’t my fault. Another Blue Shell!!
Mom: So Tornado S is too young-
Me: Unless you want both boys.
T: No, Tornado E will be fine.
Me: And you’ll have to send Tornado E and K’s niece to sit during the wedding.
T: It’s only a half hour ceremony.
Me: Go! Go! Go! Yes! A half an hour is a long time for little ones to stand.
Mom: Trust me and send them to their moms for the ceremony.
T: Oh, all right.
Me: Dang. I spun out on that start.
Mom: I was wondering where you went.
T: Uh, Fae. Um, you might want to have Mom make Tornado E’s tux.
Me: What? Why?
T: Well, the tux I want him to wear is 149 dollars.
Mom: You fell into the drink.
Me: ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY NINE DOLLARS! For a tux? For a three-year-old!
Mom: He’ll be four. Wait! You and your groom’s men aren’t wearing tuxes.
T: No. But we want Tornado E in one. With tails.
T: Do you think he’ll wear a top hat?
Me: Are you? Is M?
Me: No. Let’s get back to the 149 dollars.
T: Well, I looked around and that’s how much it costs to rent it.
Me: To RENT IT?! Where the he- Where did you go?
T: That’s why I think you should have Mom make it.
Me: On top of the ring pillow, the banner and her dress.
T: Mom, you’re making your dress! What happen to the one you were going to buy?
Mom: It sold out. I won!
Me: I stopped playing.
T: I think you should ask Mom.
Me: Mom, how hard would it be to make Tornado E’s tux.
Mom: Well, it’ll be a little hard with the cuffs and lining and everything. I could do it.
T: See, Mom can do it.
Me: I don’t know. You said a black tux with tails?
T: Yes. With a cream vest and bow tie.
Me: (roll of eyes) Give me a minute. Mom, may I please borrow your computer.
Few words typed into the search engine, a few clicks of the mouse, I returned to the room.
Me: 50 bucks. You want to see if I found the right one.
T: 50 bucks? Really?
Me: Yup. To own.
T: That’s the one.
Me: I guess Tornado S is going to have a very formal fourth Christmas.